I AM SUPER DEPRESSED

THN AGAIN MAYBE NOT SUPER(EMPHASIZE) DEPRESSED, BUT I AM DEPRESSED. I CANNOT GO JB WITH MY BLOCK AGAIN(UNDERLINE). NOT THAT I SO LOOK FORWARD TO GOING OUT WITH MY BLOCK, BUT SECOND TIME IN A ROW MAN, CROSS MY HEART I AM SO SUEI. I SHALL NOT BLAME THE SOURCE OF MY MISERY BECAUSE IT WOULD BE DISRESPECTFUL, BUT I FEEL SO DEPRIVED BECAUSE OF THIS. I AM SOCIALLY HANDICAPPED WOEFULLY DOUBLED BY THIS SHORTCOMING. O.M.G.I AM REDUCED TO WORM STAGE TO BE ONLY ALLOWED TO WORK AND NO JOY. THIS IS MY LIFE. MY WORKFILLED LIFE OF NO HAPPINESS NO FUN AND NO LOVE. IF I CAN CRY I WILL CRY MYSELF A RIVER TO DROWN MYSELF IN.

As a reply to the previous post

hey hey, I am feeling happy and excited again. Geez, mood swing much.

I don't know, got a message from my friend telling me how she's going to experiment with her new shampoo coz it kind of has a cooling effect, somewhat like the one we had during my last haircut, which made me want to instantly get my hands on one of those.

Now, I have something to do. Aha, get my hands on that bottle of crazy brain freezing shampoo!

The Sharp Knife of a Short Life

Have this sense of disintegration lately, dun really know how to put it into words, just this feeling of "modularity" maybe, that everything is disconnected from each other. "modularity" may not be the best word, coz it's supposed to be desirable, computing-wise, but breaking my life down into blobs and parts is totally not making me happy. I am actually tired of my life, really tired, to the point that I do not want to wake up to each new day.

Because, honestly, my life is boring. It is harsh but yes, it is boring. And it bothers me even more when those people that I perceive as undeserving seem to have a more enjoyable life than me.

I kept telling myself that I don't have the means to own those joys yet, and it is not right to splurge using my parents' money, although I do spend quite a bit on this and that. But, my life nowadays is really just me and my laptop. I feel no passion, no connection, no life. I thought I could love what I am doing, but I just don't feel this love at all.

But then again, it's not worth it if it's not difficult. And loving something don't come to you just like that, who am I to be so privileged? Anything I want, I have to work for it, if not, it is not worth wanting. Branded stuff? Shopping?? pfft...out of mind and out of the window, whatever that can be bought with money will arrive when money start to arrive. And I totally need to get into the game to grab all that money.

Have to adjust this laid-back attitude of mine, how can I get myself out there if I am always falling back into my crib, into the harmless embrace of home? I need to get myself out there, scarred, wounded and learned. If not, what's the point of living?

Been listening to the song "If I die young", it is not as depressing as the title suggests, but then again, sometimes it is. "I've had just enough time". No I don't, I have so much time, that I could afford to waste them. Isn't it ridiculous in all senses? I even made a wallpaper out of a quote "waste time and all you are wasting is yourself". Bloody hell, that is bloody smack on the face. But I think I need harsh words and harsh actions, because in my whole life, everything is wrapped around softly and lovingly, I have no anger nor drive in me to do anything great.

while I know that I can do great things, I totally can, I just need to get myself out there.

去死吧 啦啦啦

2.欢迎光临

老师说 天生我才必有用
老板说 你这蠢材 没路用
每天重覆着说欢迎光临
到底 算不算是一种才艺
我很着急 还要重覆着说 欢迎光临
多久才能得到一点尊敬
最讨厌这个社会太不公平
最讨厌老板活像个神经病
把自己当皇帝 把员工当奴隶
没事乱发脾气 有事不见人影
自以为了不起 碎碎念大道理
谁不知道你有的只是运气
所以你去死吧 别再说一堆屁话
仿佛全世界的人都要在意你的想法
所以你去死吧 别再当我是傻瓜
你还怕没人知道你是王八
欢迎光临 谢谢光临
本是同根生 相煎何太急
欢迎光临 谢谢光临
凡事岂能尽如人意 但求无愧我心
牧师说上帝是公平的来信靠祂吧
比尔盖兹说well，人生是不公平的习惯接受吧
我当真有十万个为什么为什么
为什么要长那么多那么多青春痘
为什么我不会打篮球 不能当model
为什么电脑坏了要我修 唱KTV没有约我
最讨厌没有女朋友 最讨厌听到分手的理由
你星座跟我犯冲 你老母太难伺候
个性不合无法沟通 性别不合难以强求
你的世界我不能懂 你的手机我不能碰
你不爱我勉强接受 爱我朋友谁不发疯
转载来自 ※Mojim.com　魔镜歌词网
所以你去死吧 别再说一堆屁话
仿佛全世界的人都要在意你的想法
所以你去死吧 别再当我是傻瓜
你还怕没人知道你是王八
欢迎光临 谢谢光临
天涯何处无芳草 何必单恋一枝花
欢迎光临 谢谢光临
凡事岂能尽如人意 但求无愧我心
我妈说 人哪 要穷的有骨气
老婆说 小孩没钱买玩具
我以为每天拼命工作的人 总有天享乐
谁知道 做到死也没人给我慰问
每天忍这个(忍这个) 忍那个(忍那个)
忍到吐血还被当成垃圾
最讨厌看到跑车 最讨厌贵妇的眼神
最讨厌听到有钱人说他不快乐
我想请问 你要的快乐到底有多快乐
那么不满足的人干脆去扒粪
如果你像我水深火热 在烂泥里打滚
你的要求和欲望就不会 再那么愚蠢
所以你去死吧 别再说一堆屁话
仿佛全世界的人都要在意你的想法
所以你去死吧 别再当我是傻瓜
你还怕没人知道你是王八
欢迎光临 谢谢光临
千金难买早知道 万般无奈皆可抛
欢迎光临 谢谢光临
凡事岂能尽如人意 但求无愧我心

queer

I have to watch this gay sitcom/drama wadever for my paper due next week, zomg, culture shock. It's weird to see one guy smooching another guy, usually one older and one in his teens, and saying things like "im gonna fuck you all night". culture shock. I have nothing against gays or lesbians, it's just sexual orientation smth we hav no control about. But why do we have homonegativity?? especially against gays and less towards lesbians? I've only just realized that the lumping feeling I sense in my guts is socially inculcated, something I am totally neutral about, but conditioned to feel so by all sorts of influences. ok as long as it's two humans smooching, I have no problem.