I swear this is the worst

this is the worst feeling ever, I am slowly giving up my integrity and pride in change for academic marks, and I am afraid that I'd get caught. I feel like just throwing it all away and depend on me myself and code it out using my own knowledge, skills and whatsoever. Been asking myself, whether this is what I really want? and each time I answered yes, so why do I no thrive in it? Because of laziness? too much pride to handle failure? I am all torn up because this really is what i want to do, and now I am afraid of it...I keep telling myself "prize to the person who don't give up", guess I just did when I decided I will rely on someone else's code just to get myself through this assignment. I have no morals, I have no self, I have no face to tell myself that I am proud of who i am. yet, I really find no drive to push myself through this by myself anymore....someone save me....

dance is my escape, i wanna dance till all this, goes away.......

aha

i run away and hide :D
looking forward to hols.
earn money and learn things.
awesome possumzzz

i dont wanna fall into the same situation again

zwy stay strong. don't cry, don't be sad, be focused, and concentrate on fulfilling yourself. mark clear your goals and don't be distracted. if it's meant to be, it will be. go go jiayou!

outlet

one should be grateful to have outlets for emotions. i am grateful i have people who listens to my shit, and tries to clear the shit for me; i am grateful for inanimate objects that will put up with whatever shit i have, even though i seldom go down this route. NO this is not an emo post, i was merely pissed off earlier. guess i should be thankful that at least they brought it upfront, not behind my back, i absolutely hate that and cannot stand it. If only everybody is more frank and more open about their own opinions, i think the world might be a little bit better. imagine voicing out ur disagreements when u really do disagree with something, straightforward like a fucking straightline right, makes things so much simpler for everybody. even if facing strong opposing forces, u try to disagree as strongly, even if in the end you don't get your way, at least the other party knows that u disagree, and with some conscience and understanding, they can do some compromise to accommodate, at least they have the option. if you don't voice out at all, and choose to suffer in silence thinking how self-sacrificing you are, you are messing up all the straightlines, and making it more complicated than it should be, which is dumb. i sometimes feel some people nowadays really take their own promises too lightly, and credit really dun mean a shit anymore. i miss the time when people really honour their words, the best horse cannot chase back a gentleman's promise. seriously the honorable human qualities are disappearing. once again, i am not emo, i am not unhappy, i am just lamenting how warped the world is. not saying that im right all the time, or this time round, but even a bit of "hey i got ur back" kind of thing would have been great, where's our sense of community if we even have one to begin with.

KRDP is awesome

its over...sigh of relief that it went awesome and well and ended nicely with a proposal. omg it's a sight of human emotional uproar...idk how to put it into nicer words, i just kept crying and crying nonstop because its just tear-beckoning. on a personal note, i feel accomplished, i rmb telling myself that i want to be part of DU after watching it last year, and here I performed in KR's first ever dance production and it feels awesome to follow something through from beginning to end. and performing on stage is exhilarating, the adrenaline, the energy, the attention, i want them all over and over again!Next time, I want THE LIMELIGHT!And being part of something so big and wonderful is, and forever, special and inscribed in memory. i will continue dancing, and become an awesome dancer, because dancing makes me feel alive, and everyone should dance, the most beautiful physical emotion. i feel humbled and awesome at the same time. dddddd!