Dear blog,
I have neglected you for long, for I was enjoying my holidays doing work that I like very much. The reason for blogging at this time, while I am supposed to be at work, which I am, but I need to pen down these thoughts just in case this happens again, I have reference.
I am, I announce, experiencing DEAD FISH SYNDROME. I period of having no excitement, no dread, no passion, no dread, just deadfishfloatingkindofstuff. I don't know why this syndrom, but it just hit me and I am suffering badly.
It's different from having bad thoughts, bad feelings. It's like having no thoughts, no feelings, and it's so frightening!
I need to constantly source for excitement to keep myself away from this feeling, but being a boring shitty person like myself, I fail to sustain the enthusiasm, and fall back into the continuum of "floating along".
I want to achieve, at least accomplish something at the end of this internship, but at the rate I'm going, I am not so hopeful.
I don't know whether I am giving myself too high expectations and not delivering it, or just am I too chui, and not cut out for this line of work. I really don't know.
But I am glad that I had this experience and I wish I had made some contributions to the community here, because they really do inspire me alot. seeing them I want to be even more awesome. I really do.
I guess this dead fish syndrom is first step after being so awe-inspired, the self-reproaching stage and beating-myself-up-over-incapabilities...damn, i should stop feeling so self-important! damn.
feel like nu hou-ing again.
okay, back to work, i am going to finish building today's page!