right..

putting my retainers in hot water was a bad idea. i'm not sure whether it did what i intended it to do which is kill germs, but what came to me was not very nice, first it shrank, second it cracked. awed. maybe my material science major friend could help me explain this. :)

i observe that i only blog when im pissed, or confused.
yup im confused.
if i am to have a PhD, will I go ahead to be whatever that's fitting to my title, or will I maybe pursue a totally different path?
for one thing, I will most probably not be a professor, unless i do research which is another thing. imho, professors are the highest paying slackest jobs. i dun wanna boring job no matter how high paying it is.

i have just arrived at a conclusion to that bugger question i have been thinking about.
why am i here?
for one thing, I don't believe that uni is the only way to go. it is in my opinion, a easy way to go, for people who have no fucking idea what they want to do in life.
i have zero threshold for ppl who choose to study courses like Accountancy, even more if it's because it is a "zero risk" occupation. unless u are genuinely into accountancy, i have nothing to say.
"zero risk"? you can bloody go kiss my toilet bowl.

why am i here?
i am here to find out what exactly do i want.
i am the kind of person who will do things for the sake of i haven't done it before (certain things out of the question). a PhD should be the ticket that can get me everywhere, it shouldn't be the limiting reagent.

although actually i think money is thee ultimately most important ticket that can get me everything i want.

okay, second thing i want, money.

with money, it's not about branded apparels, branded cars, branded whores. it's about going to places, seeing things. i want that, desperately.

concrete plan? kiss my bloody toilet bowl again.
dun have.
and i'm sure by sitting on it, it will open up to me one day.
anyhow, i should begin with saving and investment.
as much as i hate to study such things, i might just do so. awed.

independence. once im financially independent, my destiny will begin.
for now,
observe and learn.
and kaobeh as many dumb shits as possible.
tell me "zero risk" one more time, i make you risk everything you've got.

zero risk...

and i am pissed by egoistic ppl who should slap themselves silly.
and i am pissed coz i gonna wake up to a monday. fuck.

dum dee dum

wow i feel that my life is in a whirlpool and im just cruising along. why am i doing what i am doing??
do i really want a university cert?
do i really want to be this person i am going to be??

anw...darn my recess week is over! and i have Lab3 to submit tomorrow and my tutor just requested me to redo my sit-in-lab all over again!~ FML~~
even with all these things piling up, i am here nua-ing like it doesn't matter.

yadda doom dee dumm yadda doom doom dum yadda yadda yadda

i am lost and dunno whr im ggoing

as i was saying, i am absolutely lost and dont know where i am going. I have lost focus and have lost perserverence. i begin to question what I want in life, and I begin to question myself, who am I? The point of me existing is elusive and I basically have no idea what I want from life, and what I want from me.

religions are the last thing i will turn to, so for now, let me draw something out for me, and in the mean time, i should wander around and explore.

screwed up shit

it seems when the mood is not right, anything can go wrong. as much as I want to do well for my interview, my sianness just take over all of it and poof, went my interview and my first impression. I hate the "about me" question TTM! I should totally write one essay about how ppl shouldn't ask the "about me" qn during interviews coz it is insincere ttm. walao sian sian sian.

fuck this complicated world, angsty ttm

actually i'm quite grateful towards danny for telling me those things, and I do feel rather blessed to not have gotten any of that kind of thing happen to me, even though I did have my fair share of youthful stupidity that backfired on me. a night's sleep on this topic did make me a more mature person I feel, it is undeniable that people always wear a mask, showcasing this part of them that they want people to know, while I have always stressed to myself to be truthful to myself and thus to others, being just myself everywhere I go and without any mask of any kind. Now I learn to see this mask in a different light, it may not be hypocrisy, it's a kind of protection. Now I also realize that I shouldn't bare myself to anybody coz it's like leaving my flesh out for show without my skin. my mask will be painted with my true colours, but it will be a mask that shields away those things I'm awfully sensitive to.

I feel glad that I have realised that I need to protect myself, makes me feel very much a more matured person :)it seems that what used to concern me is not so important anymore, I have to know what is the most important things to me. what is unchanged is that I really do need to work on my perseverence, I am now unaccomplished because I give up too easily. which is a difficult change to make in myself, but I have to change it because it's good to me ultimately.

relationship-wise, i'd just leave it to fate lar, :). nothing to be hassled over and worried about, it comes it comes. still I am grateful I have met good friends along the way to guide me along, and make it easier to move on.

yup, back to persevered mugging!

not really a good time to blog

as i said its not a good time to blog, im have way through my Chapter 1 of Linear Algebra, and tomorrow the lecture is on Chapter 4, awesome. Laggin like shit is catching up on me! another time, life's been a heck of fun and anxiety and all feelings mixed together, i feel alive and i need sleep like never before. im turning nocturnal no doubt, and getting fat as well, shit. and i dunnid ppl to keep reminding of that fact, it happens that the more i dun want to hear something, the more i hear of it. irritating. oh wells, anyway, i have a pile of work to do. which i am unwillingly slackingly doing. good job and a cup of coffee to myself. tadas