Friday, March 26, 2010

I don't know, I don't care.
:)))) like like

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

today is an unbelievable day.
first i spilled my guts out over some long over due issue that bugs me to no end, and there I thought finally its out of the system.
I slept only 2 hours, and now I am still awake.
I sat for a test which I briefly prepared for yesterday, and was amazed I could do translation pretty well.
Went for a totally random waterpolo game, and affirmed the fact that I do not like waterpolo at all, despite the sweltering hot bodies.
Faced my most imminent fear for the past many months, and found that actually it's not scary at all, and even though I don't know what I am feeling now, I know all has come to an end, and mama I must move on. To be or not to be, is not up to me to decide.

Whatever to whatever, I can only channel all energy to my work. Brain, please don't fail me and wander off to far away corners where I can't find you again. Less thoughts please.

major exhaustion.
and I give up, dump it all aside, I want to swing my hands as I walk.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

grumbles....
I wish to take out my brain and ground it into a pulp and pour it into the mixer and further beat it into foam. Why am I thinking about useless things again?? so bloody irritating. thought i had gotten rid of it for good, its messing up my system AGAIN. Hate my bloody mind. GO TO HELL U I.D.I.O.T!!!!!

or maybe it's just my time of the month or the fact that today is a tuesday, the most hated day of the week.

Seriously, I can only foresee life to get harder and harder, and my patience getting thinner and thinner.

anyway, B&J free cone day today, as tradition I'd always go with ShiQi, haha, it's amazing that we have been friends for almost 10 years, and I've only got to realize how self-centred I seem to her, which I totally am not please, she just refuse to let me change out of that box she constructed of me in her mind. oh wells, its still an achievement to have a long 10 years friendship. cheers, and pray hard it goes on. at least till the day I make lots of money enough for her to leech on me, ahahahah.

blearhhhhh, so damn tired........:(:( and tutorials to do, suck big time.
and the permanent blood streak on my eye ball is bothering me.
I should stop thinking altogether. and be just a simple plankton creature that survives on garbage.

seriously, why bother????
frustrated!!!! why frustrated?? no idea!!!
I hate to be alone with my thoughts.

I wish to run my head into a vending machine, and trade my brain for a can of pokka green tea.

Sunday, March 21, 2010



谷村新司(Tanimura Shinji). I highly think that he sung the theme song for the Jap version anime of 三国演义. And yes, I am correct. Suddenly love all his songs. Has this feel of 沧桑, that I am intoxicated with. I feel 沧桑, its a poetic sadly beautiful image, of which I can't be 沧桑, yet because you can acquire that aura only after you have went through alot of things. 沧桑 came from 沧海桑田, which literally means "the sea has become the land", how much change would that be? If I'd gone through "sea-land" exchange, probably I'd get the 沧桑 feel.



Tanimura Shinji, new playlist favourite.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My grandparents are leaving in about an hour

:(((((
damn sad. But I shan't show it, lest I see my grandparents cry.
Just about a few days ago, I was riding a bus back to hall, suddenly I was seized with fear that after this departure, I might never see my grandfather again. TOUCHWOOD ttm!!! But it is a real fear, and I pray hard that it won't happen and next year, I MUST GO BACK! Spending time with my grandfather is getting increasingly more and more important, because time is running out.

Something cheered me up tho, I was able to strike up a conversation with my secondary school crush, haha.




Haha, see wahjong in the background.
Counting down: 2 hours.
Somebody talk to me, I am drowning in sadness.
"We are like dwarfs sitting on the shoulders of giants. We see more, and things that are more distant, than they did, not because our sight is superior or because we are taller than they, but because they raise us up, and by their great stature add to ours."

Friday, March 19, 2010

yeT another bloody mouthed picture

Random sex-related post


There's always something mysteriously arousing about blood on lips (2.04).

Blood itself is highly excitable. I always feel a queer tingle when I see blood. It's color, viscosity and smell tease the senses. Somehow touching blood to the lips highlights the redness, and accentuates the whole impact. Possibly the notion that, it is through the mouth that blood enters, and tainting the gates somehow makes it devilishly beautiful.






Or maybe it's just that "Blood red" lips are the embodiment of Sex, and poking the lips to let out the blood accentuates the Sexiness. I can't begin to describe or analyse how the two images can combine to give such powerful sensations, the futility frustrates me.

In which case, I shall just post more bloody lips to make my point.





Focus on the lips. But LOL at the picture. If an essay's to be written based on this picture, what shall the title be?? (eg. Snow White's Guide to Seducing Birds)






This is just funny. Should dare Gerald to do this for block command. :)




What did I say about sex? Blatantly. Blood in the mouth + irrelevant clothing = sex




And to top it off! AAHAHAHAHHA




Thursday, March 18, 2010

Koi Bubble Tea is overrated leh

Yup, it is overrated, yakun milk tea is way better.

So, today's the last Personal Growth Group session, felt that I have brought back a luggage full of valuable lessons. And the last part where everyone said their comments/feedback/something to me, I was actually truely touched.

Mr Low: learn to experiment, stop thinking so much, just do it.

Rachel: Don't rush into maturity, it comes when it comes, meanwhile treasure the child and innocence in you which is as precious as it can be.

Pei Yin: ...

Jin Sheng: There's something about self-limiting that troubles both of us, we have the potential to be who we want to be, so let's just drop the self-limiting factor and go all out and experiment with things.

Meng Jie: something about our 淡淡的忧郁
Gao Shuai: (shit I can't rmb)
YoYo: (can't rmb)
Truong: try to grab hold of one thing(out of many that I want) at a time (so I infer, exact words quite forgotten)
Ivy(or so I rmb, which I doubt, till I rmb): you are a fun person, people would want to hang out with you, just show them who you are.

Anyhow, despite my lousy memory (I was trying to rmb everything everyone said, because, it is important to me), the feeling was indescribable. It's not joy, not sadness, not zen neither. But I did feel touched at the point in time, and I felt accepted despite all the problems I had. Also when giving comments myself, I felt my heart grew bigger.

Who doesn't have problems? We can either accept our problems or deal with them, or both for that matter. It's really no use conforming to what's normal. What's wrong with being weird? Everybody is different, and that's what's beautiful about it.

Out of the 24 human strengths, I identified 12 of them in me. And I identified 3 more which I will work on especially : Spirituality, vitality and persistence.

And I should learn to take risks, take more risks, while I can.

All in all, I am so glad that I joined the group, it is one of the best choices I have made (though I have made many good choices).

Oh well, feeling at peace with all.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Multi-multi-tasking

I am starting to behave like a computer, in which case, I will ace cs1101, because this course is supposed to make us think like computers, I am in fact more advanced than that because I am behaving like a computer, soon I will be square.

Extreme multi-tasking:
Writing notes for command seniors;
Burning music for grandfather;
Doing tutorial;
Reading lecture notes;
Copying tutorials;
Listening to 美しきもの;

and of course blogging.

inner peace is attained, I am floating through life like I should and I am more focused than ever. I no longer envy people's seemingly fun lives, because I don't care about them anyway now.
and william will just hang me upside down on a tree next week coz I havnt started doing anything related to Games yet. Lol and they have started recruiting OGLs, and I know shit about the other com members' names. ra ra ra ra ra. feel like QUITING games. yucks.
ok bye

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Melio and Eugene

M.
look at my hand, this is and honest hand.
It bares the work of a lifetime, it's beautiful isn't it?
Hands can't lie, they always tell the tale of one's path to the present;
if the hand is too smooth, it has been another's back that has dealt with the earth.
And if the hand is too coarse, it is only the earth that it understands.


Not trying to be deep. But it brings to mind the images of my father's hands and mine.
And the curious intricacies when our hands connect. One smooth one course, one blooming one yielding, one fresh one rich. My father, the man who brought me to life, the man to educated me, the man who loved me unconditionally. I am so thankful, that I have my father.

One piece 1101

i always thought it was very Nice indeed of One piece to not kill anybody at all. All villains so far survived and continue to be spotted in ongoing story.
what I complain is that why break the blissful living tradition?
why kill characters?
that were so WELL LIKED ALIVE!
and they didn't even appear much!
its like their appearance is to die.
and why must there be 2???
one is bad enough! 2?!
and I dun mind White Beard dying initially, coz he wasn't really hard crafted, just that I knew he was very powerful. Now that I saw his fight, he just totally shouldn't die.
But Ace! Why kill him after painfully creating him?? And he havn't even appeared up to the amount equal to his bloody importance.
Maybe it's the "Death of an important someone" triggering more events to come.
But it's sooooo tragic!
It makes me SO SAD. the thought of the picture whr Ace died, with a smile somemore, is just unbearably painful.
then again, it makes One Piece so real, that it stabs my heart with the death of 2 characters so well crafted.

Friday, March 12, 2010

aha, just received a msg from NUS dharma circle. "do you wish to become a monk/nun but didn't because you think that you're not ready yet?"
AMUSED
It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

hmm, this probably ties in with the "third person effect". Anything outside urself is either simplified or accentuated. I guess in this case, it's simplified.

Anyway, I still think I am interesting. Except that I should make myself MORE interesting. Shall camp at a bookstore one day. Me like the idea. Sipping a cup of hot chocolate, with a good book in hand, on a bright sunny day, on a windy rooftop, with Taemin dancing in the background. aha, bliss.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

蝉の時雨



中譯:「美麗的萬物」
你最喜歡的
這段旋律(Melody)...
在天空之中
回響著口風琴(Harmonica)的樂聲...
*天使擁抱著
窗沿為框的畵布(Draw)...
看啊...這幅風景畫(Paysage)...
很美麗吧?
其中是(C'est)——
清風傳播...
淡淡花香...
春之追憶...
美麗的聲音...
詠唱的少女(Monica)...
鳥兒的鳴叫...
指針的前進 →
其中是(C'est)——
藍天無垠...
流雲飄蕩...
夏之追憶...
美麗的聲音...
詠唱的少女(Monica)...
蟬之時雨...
指針的前進 →
如此美麗...
你所告訴我的景色...
一直都難以忘卻...
『美麗的萬物』...
聚集於此爲了...
生命降臨的到來...
你所擁抱的
短暫的季節(Season)...
痛苦如同落雨的
承重的打擊著...
「不用擔心喲」...
笑著説道的...
你的容貌(Visage)
難以忘記... ...
其中是(C'est)——
夜晚的窗邊...
微笑著月亮...
秋之追憶...
美麗的聲音...
唱歌的少女(Monica)...
昆蟲的展翅...
指針的前進 →
其中是(C'est)——
大地無垠...
白雪微眠...
冬之追憶
美麗的聲音...
歌唱的少女(Monica)...
時間的凋謝...
指針的前進 →
真美呢...
你所存在於美景之中...
永遠忘卻不了...
『美麗的萬物』...
集合於此爲了...
生命來臨的匆匆......
你所馳騁的
短暫的季節(Season)...
病痛的焰火
灼燒著身體...
「啊啊...真是美麗」...
笑著逝去...
你的面容(Image)
無法忘卻......
你誕生於那天早晨...
原本是個愛哭鬼的我...
也變成了小姐姐——
玩耍著...
雖然那麽小...
但我感到很自豪......
痛苦搖曳於
生命的荒野上
『美麗的萬物』探尋著的
縱橫馳騁
其實在那地平綫
旅途之中的你
爲何睡着了
美好的令人想起了......
你所喜歡的
這段旋律(Melody)...
在天空之中
回響著口風琴(Harmonica)的聲音...
Repeat*
「我看到世界上最美麗的光
並且將這花抱在胸前
爲了Laurant的自己 繼續歌唱」
「那裏有Roman在嗎?」

this is about the most listened song on my playlist. it calms me down, and like the title says, Beautiful Things. I am surrounded by so many beautiful things, why do I still want more? What stems the in-satisfaction in me?
I had known all along that I am no longer the person I was. Am I more or less than before? I do not wish to go on thinking. The gapping hole is unbearable. What can I do to fill this hell of a gap up? I do not want to be that another girl with a vacuum in the heart. No I'm not suicidal.

Why has life become so difficult? Why had I become so whiny? Why am I not happy with what I have?
Will I come back?
Will I be who I want to be?
Will I stop doubting?

Everyone has problems, and I'm glad someone pays attention to mine, which bugs me even though it doesn't seem like a problem to them.
It's hard to be the person I want to be. Hard to really don't care about what people think, especially those that I care about, I am afraid they'd think me lousy. But why do I have such thoughts? Why do I think myself lousy? Am I lousy? What makes me lousy?

Volley captaincy, not something I'm dying to do, I just see no harm in taking it up, but I already fathom the stress and feels the weakness in my knees. Am I not suitable for bigger things? Am I fated for menial, normality? Such questions fill me up and fill me up somemore, should my head be rigid, it would have exploded. Is it not good to think? It is good to not think?

Almost one year into uni, I am still learning to adapt. I thought I was good at adapting, there we go, I thought, seems like everything's been in my mind, was I ever outside? If I shan't think about what I am, that leaves me no limits, and somehow that's better? Well, if trying to define myself is so hard, then I should give it up totally. Things are much simpler when I only need to think LIKE/NO LIKE. I shan't be bothered with what others have that I don't and that I have and others don't, not much space left in my head to do that I guess.

And it was a pleasant surprise that Russell, my long ago Jap class classmate was a graduate from SoC also. I was very Surprised!! Other than surprised, there's pretty much nothing else to tell her though. And it's a pretty wierd feeling to leave the conversation hanging at "I am so surprised". But I really am so surprised. Just that it really do end here. Full Stop.