life is UNFAIR!!!

I duno why. life is juz so unfair...and i duno whr is the unfairness, i juz tink its super uber duper unfair. *crashed wall*
people can work at 5 bucks per hour, and earn 800 in a month! and wad hav i??? *kicks wall* my job makes me feel bad abt myself, coz i juz cant do things rite. they have so mani do's n don'ts that i wonder who the hell actually cares!? being a waitress is so not my thing, so not my thing totally. even tho, well, some ppl thinks its cool, and the environment is good.....but it juz doesn suit me at all!!!! i dun talk during work, i dunno why....i m not a quiet person at work.....n i DUN TALK!!!! its crazy....
the people thr...i donoo...i juz dun find them likeable....even tho i hav nth agenst them...........nooooo!!! stop making me into an introvert pls!!! uh...i shall quit my job very soon......very very soon......

trauma

I'm having the "why is everything happening to me" feeling now...
sadly, there's is this man who just committed suicide at my block..I went to look at the scene. His body was covered in white sheets, and dark blood could be seen flowing out. According to neighbours, this man doesnt live in my block, but one block across the street...it was a young man in his twenties...
i feel sad for the guy...wonder what was going on in his mind when he jumped...I feel traumatised coz i recall that I actually heard the "thump" sound while peeling fruits in the kitchen......
I can't sleep tonight no more......

happy day ^^

YES no more SHIIT!!!

yay, joy to the world! PW is so over!!! actually the OP onli la, but who cares abt I&R??? my group was the last group to present for our slot la. then wa see the first two group finish everything, was like so jealous la. then when we finish, no more excitement alr....diaoz...but im happy nonetheless haha. should i bitch here??? like its so over already, no point in bitching abt it animore. shall blog another day man, play time wahahahaha. and i have to say that WANG LI HONG's GAI BIAN ZI JI is super inspiring! I was like feeling damn good about myself when listening to this song! like in the morning on the bus, i was alternating btw this song and the stupid recording of my voice. it was inspiring nonetheless.
shiiit, i still have chinese homework, DUE TODAY!!! Fack....
heck, shall play first. wahahahaha

life is so irritating sumetimes...

how often do you find a young man (MAN for crying out loud) not able to tidy up his room, greet his elders, be nice to his sister. NOT very OFTEN, but yet, i dio one right in my house. I mean, it may be due to his brought up wadever that he doesn do any housework, throw his things about, be so messy that im certain a pig would snort at his room in disgust. omg, look at his room! (which was initially MY study!) He has one study table with cupboards for books, and dozens of drawers, one closet totally new and bought entirely for him, and half of a book shelf which is rightfully mine (and i told him to clear out of it...) and he's still throwing everything around. WTH its my home not HIS! I feel like screaming in his face man, does he intend to let my mom, tired after work, and go work her ass off to clean up his room for hiM??? my mom will not do it, i wont agree to that! what freaking right does he have to make MY MOM work for HIM? in ur fucking dreams sucker!
and my dad, din he like promise to educate him, be stern and forceful when he does smth wrong, when i offered to use his hp to send a moderately stern msg saying "clean up your room", he insist that i use "please". TO HELL WITH THAT LOR! If i had to beg him to do that, I would more happily choose to mince his head off with that chopper. LIKE HELL!! Its so freaking unfair, esp when my dad already knows this guy has been brought up totally wrong, self-centred and selfish, he doesnt want to be stern to him juz because he's lost his father and does not have any kin with him here. That IS pitible, but this is a different thing!!! I dont see anibd asking me to tidy up my room with a "please"? I'd sooner get a beating before i get that. this is totally ridiculous la.
omg
i cant bear for the 2 yrs to end and this sucker leaves my life entirely. Im not being super unfriendly or out-casting him because he sort of like took away half a daddy. He doesn deserve it omg, to be treated with respect, even though he is older than me by a couple of months. WOuld u respect someone who doesn respect your parents, cant rmb to turn off the tap after use, doesn giv a damn abt leaving the door unlocked and exposing my entire family to danger??
he sux, and i have to admit my dad is not making any difference at all even though he said he would. my dad is such a procrastinator, he always waits for a "chance", like hell this chance is gonna come soon...this bloody guy whether intentionally or not has been planning his schedule totally different from us such that he doesnt have to see our faces. and my dad continues patiently to wait for that precious chance to come.
if i were my dad, being stern is not being mean, being all strict is the one n only way to help this nephew of his, and he's still trying to be just be nice. He has totally pissed off my mom on this, and she doesn bother herself with the issue anymore, and belive it or not, he's pissing me off too. when that fateful moment comes, and i snaps, i will make hell for the fucking asshole.

fucking asshole

that cousin of mine is a super fucking asshole. its almost unbelievable that someone so grotesque exist and has to live with mi...
he is such an eyesore that i sometimes i really hoped that his dead father could revive and just bring him away.
i know its sad to have lost his father at a young age. that doesnt mean he can come n try to ruin my family. i have been putting up with the shit he's been giving me because my father has openly proclaimed that he is a responsibility that his late brother passed on to him, and he has to be responsible for him until his stay is over.
i have been swallowing my anger and frustration on the account of doing it for my father since he feels obliged to fullfil his brother's wishes.
i need an outlet desperately, i m seriously going crazy from frustration.
this fucking ass is a stupid backstabber, and the person he backstabs is none other than my mother, fuckin hell... he twists the truth and made it sound like my mother was abusing him or something...and complains to my father. fucking crazy, my mother is not obliged to look after him, and she takes on the role of a loving aunt who looks after him like how she looks after me. and this is how he repays her.

now my parents are frustrated at each other for lack of understanding on both sides. my mom doesn understand my father's sense of responbility towards this nephew of his. and my dad couldn understand her frustration over his lack of respect and rudeness towards her. all in all, this fucking asshole should go to hell. it is all his fault that my happy family is now filled with animosity.

at times like this, i have to do something to keep my side of the battle tight, i have to keep my parents close and then we could together ward off the evil asshole trying to break up my family.

if anything ever, ever happens to my family, he will be held responsible, and i will give him hell.

beware u arsehole full of shiit!!!

suei

ok, i havn been blogging for really long time. but something happend today that i must record. I dio-ed bird shit for the first time in my life!
my god, it was damn stupid...
i actually felt the shit drop onto me, juz tt i dismissed it thinking someone juz accidentally hit me or smth. imaging....damn sian..........
wth...stupid bird...

...

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||| 46% Schizoid |||||||||||| 50% Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 58% Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 62% Borderline |||||| 30% Histrionic |||||||||||| 50% Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 54% Avoidant |||||||||||| 46% Dependent |||||||||| 34% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

changing mi...

I think I am a super inconsiderate, selfish and stuck-up kid.
I made my mom n dad angry today coz i din call back to say that i wont be coming home for dinner...
a slight memory loss, and they blew their top at me.
well, on my part, it wasn't something to be angry about, i simply forgot to call back...a slip of the mind, trivial...
but my mom was worryin about mi, not knowing whether to cook my dinner or not, not knowing whether i am safe or not...and when she called mi, i din pick up my phone coz i couldnt hear it...double the anger...
guess im busted tmr....
prays...

oso, i m really sorry that i took my bro for granted and selfishly hated him for disturbing my life...i guess i was a really bad host, and totally din do my part to make him feel comfortable and welcomed....instead i was feeling proud to be alienating him....
wad a jerk i am....
i am not totally disliking him based on nothing, there are times when it is annoying and i can't find an outlet to discharge...
i wasn't born with a brother, and now i have one, i should be grateful and i should play my part as a good younger sister...
i should grow up...
i am no longer a kid...
i do not need all the attention, and i can take care of myself.
i can control my actions and thoughts, and sort out my priorities.
i need to have a target to work towards to.
and, i need to save up, to realize my bold dreams.

proud to be a matured me...

memorable...

ahem...i shall write this post solemnly...
today, is the first day i m wearing a....
tampon...

not meant to be disgusting or wad...juz thot tt this is quite a meaningful thing, that i shud rmb this is the day.

tampons are disgusting...
they are biodegradable...
wad.....

Taste of Reality...

Seriously i think CCAB is cursed...i mean, how can VJC and SAJC both lose their semi-finals when they are the strongest teams of all?? I was anticipating the finals match between SAJC and VJC..sadly, there won't be anymore...
Sometimes, when reality hit you, it takes awhile for it to sink in..
When the 7th RJC player scored the fateful penalty goal, there were cheers going up around me, i thought VJC had won...but somehow the soccer guys' reactions didn't tally. I saw Pakin crouching on the ground crying his heart out, the sight is heart-wrenching...I have just realized that it's far more painful to watch a guy cry than watch a girl cry. It's a totally different thing.
When later the whole soccer team stood before the VJC crowd, and apologized to us that they have done nothing but their best, but they lost it to luck, there's nothing more they can do, soon the whole team was sobbing, crying into their jerseys. The crowd cried too, so did I, I realized that I am proud to be a VICTORIAN, and their pride is ours too. I've always thought that the VJC soccer boys are glory of VICTORIA, it's always nice to see them around in school. VJC soccer boys losing a game is not a common thing, it's not even anticipated in the first place. We always believed that they are the best, and our cheers could bring out the best in them. However, today, we lost to luck...
When the team stood before us and everybody sang the VICTORIA school song together, I really felt that I am part of this big, and warm family, where everyone looks after everyone else...it's sad, but it's heart-warming.
I feel great to be integrating into the big, warm family.
I LOVE VJC!!!

And it was really nice to see all the sa peeps again, i saw benjamin, sean, jerico, sharon and alot more familiar faces. haiz, its kind of sad to see them actually, had i not joined vjc, i'd be with them...this so contradicting...i love both vjc and sajc...yet my love can't be shared....

got work tmr...hazel not gg...kns...pangseh me....how...

Busted..horrible day

Damn tired la today, slept through most of my classes, i really fell asleep leh, not the usual juz lying thr coz im lazy to sit straight. Really DAMN TIRED!! Hate mondays la, super long day, boring lessons. I got freaking scolded in Chi lit class for sleeping...Im in the wrong, but then can't help it ma...shudn't have worked on sunday...even though it was damn fun haha. I was super high after 10pm, KC was like 'she's mad, mad already" then he was telling shiqi to call IMH to bring me away...lol...shiqi actually got the no. leh, so she was like joking about calling them...ahahha, then i go disturb her and she accidentally pressed call....wahaha, her first call to IMH, memorable rite. wahaha
oh, shall blog abt my job, its dam fun on the 2nd day. I get to learn how to make milkshakes, smoothies, waffle with ice cream. waseh, i m like damn proud of myself, coz the boss was like "eh this ger is smart leh" whahaha. Around 11 am, the customers start to come in, i wonder why these ppl go to COURTs on MOther's Day...lol...anw, we started to get busy, the order was increasing non-stop la, got one period i was making milkshakes non-stop! The milkshakes, according to NANA, are not very liquid, like lao sai...so quite hard to pour out of the blender, so before i pour, muz shake the blender like crazy, or bang it on the sink. got one time, i forgot i took out the cover and banged it, and got splashed with the strawberry milkshake, super malu, somemore ppl sitting around the counter can see everyth i do...i tink i entertained them alot...the whole day i was dam high, like on drugs liddat, keep shouting for ppl who ordered muffins but havn come n take. Got some aunties and a few uncles the attitude damn chao one la, altho can't blame them also, we too busy sometimes forget they are waiting ma, wa they all direct at me leh, coz i was the one checking their receipts and giving them stuff accordingly, after awhile the receipt accumulate until i dunoo who's is who's...keep saying sorry sorry...
oh, muzn forget, when i makeing the first milkshake, had to open new bottle of milk, is the square box tt type, have to cut off the edge one. i cut the hole abit too big, squeeze the bottle abit ony, the milk will squirt out, i got flustered thn duno how to pour into the blender without spilling. there was this stupid man lookin at mi pour, aft i finish rite, wa he straight away go complain to my boss lor, "excuse me, may i comment arh, i tink its not very hygienic to let the milk flow down the bottle into the blender"..wa want to strangle him la, stupid gay man...aft tt he order two beef pie, i gave to him without heating it up, he came back aft eating half of the pie and went like "i'm sorry arh, but could i ask whether u heated it up because its cold.." obviously i din heat la...tt's y its cold ma...my fault...too busy till i forget...we were literally working as cows leh...
but it was fun.. haha...

i hate school!!!

omg, can't believe it, my weekend juz ended like that...its two freaking days, and its over alr?? dang.... anw...pictures time, im uploading the pics i took when i went back to ASS last last fri. missed ASS alot...

mi n shimin in the ger's cubicle ^^
took from inside the cubicle, char look stooopid!
mi n char inside the cubicle, lol, she's a fake hwachonger
haha char looks dumb

april and char
april and shimin
huiyi, me, shimin n char, at 4/2 classrm

april n huiyi


thr shud be more but i tink its not in my phone, didn manage to get from them. We saw a whole bunch of ppl dat day, including Mr Neo, Mr Lim and even Ms Lau...haha, missed them alot alot alot....thn we went to slack in 4/2 classroom, so saddening, the classrm changed alot , even the doors got repainted into lime green while we had shit green last time...shit green's better...
shall pon sch on ASS speech day, its on 29th June i tink, freaking late, other sch's speech day was like long over in feb or march liddat, ASS is late this yr i think.. Oh, btw Mr LIM is now the head of subject of maths i tink, haha, he is dam nice, and he wore lime green tt day, shud have taken a photo with him...memories....ASS is better than i thought it was, and we only realise it now...kind of saddening

irritated...

i'm starting to find my brother really irritating. It could be because that i've never had siblings and never had to share my things with somebody, that's why i get very irritated with him using my things, going into my room, messing with my territory.. when i actually think about it, he is very much better than many ppl's brothers out there, but I still have this bad feeling inside me, I just don't like sharing my personal things with ppl, even if its my brother. then again, i probably only need some time to adjust, if only i could overcome the irritation.
he always talks to me in a tone like i'm a three yr old, he even thinks that my english is lousy (while his is worse, like duh...), whatever, regarding me as a kid is one thing, taking what i say as unimportant and simply ignoring it is another thing. all in all, i am totally fed up with this brother of mine, even though i've only lived with him for a little more than two months.
one reason why i can't stand him, is probably because he uses the com too much, so much that i even have to ask him to let mi use, and the internet cable is freaking mine for goodness sake...he has the cheek to keep using it n using it, just because it happens to be in his room which was formerly my study room.
one more thing that really pisses mi off, there was this one time, i was in my room doing stuff, he came in, look at me, and said "pls" , doing the "would u pls leave" gesture. I was dumbfounded...he actually asked me to leave my own room...wth...i think he really has no manners to begin with la.........wth...........
sometimes even my parents cannot tolerate his lack of manners, laziness and everything...
sometimes i really hope that he hadn't came at all, disrupting my life like this, i hope he didnt exist...ok, not very workable..maybe he shud just go rent some hostel and live with his sicko frenz...
sickening...........
irritating.....................................

omg i look fat...
FLY ~
im a TWITAHMA!
im a twit!!!

mi eating kfc crispy chicken
yiqing eating zinger looking like a bear
see no evil hear no evil speak no evil
MAOz
at serena's condo, last day of sa

last day at sajc, eventful i shall say...

okay, last day in sa, quite sian in the morning coz onli like 8 of us came to sch today, so our last pe lesson was cancelled, much to my disappointment. Well, today the jae posting results were released, I m in vj!! woosh! uber happy!
thn we slacked around the sch la.
at around 1140 liddat, we went to the balcony thr to play cards. thn suddenly we felt the ground moving, yiqing and nerissa said they felt giddy, i felt it too, juz tt i thot it was someone shaking the table and dismissed it until it dawned upon us, EARTHQUAKE!!!! it was the first time in my life to experience an earthquake, we basically freaked out, the other ppl from other tables oso freaked out, thn everyone was like "omg omg, earthquake!" [screams] later we were assembled at the track, thn we realise tht it really was an earthquake. haha how eventful...
ltr on our way out of sa, there was this media crew trying to catch ppl to interview, i escaped it the first time, and stood thr watching chen yang getting interviewed, i even went to snap a few pics. I wanted to run but then muz wait for him la, so we waited across the road. wa when i turn back to look agen, they finished interviewing him and tt reporter was heading towards us!!! Yiqing run so fast la, wa i oso wanted to run, thn they all ask mi to go, the reporter oso saw mi, in the end, i got interviewed...
i was trying hard not to smile coz mingyu n nerissa were behind the camera trying to mime so that i know wat so say.
in the end, when i saw my face on tv i super regretted la, i looked so stooooopid!!! my parents were like "no, not ugly wad, so cute" i super depressed can, i cant stand my face la ><
haha after alot of persuading, i finally let it go, forget it la, ugly then ugly lor, i oso not some pretty girl, my face born liddat, then i shall accept it and like it, and not care about what others say about me. haha

I love my GrandDad!

My Grandfather arrived in Singapore at 3am. My Dad n me waited impatiently as we saw the ppl coming out one by one but no sign of my grandfather, my dad did his random speculations again that maybe we waited for the wrong plane..dots...there was this couple standing beside us, and wtf they were toking freaking childishly man. Especially the woman, she looked like 30 plus but was using a voice like some 5 yr old little girl, i duno whether she was acting cute or wad, she was super annoying. I felt like killing her when she started spouting Jap...wth man...she was like " sugooooiiii ne~~~ (act cute)"...omg wtf man, totally disgusted la, me n my dad was like "omg so childish!" den they left, my grandfather still haven come out...then there came a reallly old man, he was wearing that huge thick army coat that we see in the movies, he was pushing a cart and walking pass then I finally spotted my grandfather, he's really smart looking for his age. When suddenly the old man in army coat collapesed on to the floor right before me! He looked so feable and weak I thought he passed away right then and there! Well, thank goodness he didnt, apparently he was too weak for the flight and he wore too much for the temperature that's why he fainted. ok, i got to sleep, my grandfather sleeps in this room so i cant be using the com til too late. I mISSED the vball during pe today!!! omg so sad....

Where?

yes, whr do i go??

ytd was olvl results day, I'm really happy with my results, and so are my parents. I am a 7 pointer, and I got A1 for English which what I've been dreaming to have, and I got A2 for combines humans which has never happened to me but happened to me at last. Well, I am still really happy and glad that, hey my hardwork has paid off, altho its still a pity that one more point i could be a 6 pointer. See it another way, I still have room for improvement. My Dad's really proud of me and he wishes me the best, he thinks that I can do even more than this since he believe I have not put in all that I have into this exam, how about 50%? My Dad wants me to go Hwa Chong Institution, where he believe I could have better chances to make it big in the future. Well, I think so too...but I am cowered by the stress that I might have endure and the huge responsibility..after all, I do not like to be pressurized even tho I can perform better under pressure...I want to go Victoria because I liked its location and culture, its a funner place and I believe I can fit in better...so where??.......where??..........

here are some pics we took ytd ^^

freaking out...o's coming...HIDE!

See the difference btw convincing others that you can make it to your dream jc and trying to convince yourself that you can make it to your dream jc. There is a slight difference, its easier to convince others than convince yourself...try...
I'm undergoing utter confusion right now, I picture myself smiling while holding my results up high, and then picture myself staring into the space in my result slip, or throw my head far back and ram it against the wall...
anw...i m really really nervous and scared about getting the results tmr...I tried to believe in myself that I really did well this time and can easily get below 10 points. However, the more positive my contemplations get, the more negative i feel...what if it turns out exactly opposite?
I am not a wishy-washy person, not a worrier, I do not fret over things like its the end of the world. Look at me! What am i doing now??? Blogging abt how scared I am? It makes me feel small...powerless...like a little kid....

SAJC 07S07 CG OUTING!

OOHOO today, or should i say yesterday, was SUPER DUPER FUNN!!! We ate dinner at Fish & Co. and went crazy taking photos all over, that was really fun, and we were in very high spirits. It turned out that today is Thaipusam, I saw for the first time how people wore those "things" on their body, it looked really painful to me.
After dinner we went Ben & Jerry, and ordered the $88 bucks icecream, 20 scoops in total, so turned out tt each of us only need to pay like 4 bucks, so its quite worth it. Anw the icecream was yummy, we made a huge mess and all. Oh, and the napkin doesnt look like any other normal ones, i thought it was a brown paper bag at first sight.
well, my CG is really fun, with alot of wacky ppl like Arun and Bryan and all. I hope I dont get too attached that I couldn leave SA.
Waiting for the photos....^^

Sorry, Dad...

I got chided for being rude to my parents...now I'm feeling super guilty and regretful. It's not that I was trying to be mean or whatever, but I just got irritated when my parents start asking me about computer stuff. I mean, its difficult to explain in their terms for them to understand, and I get very fed up when I have to do this repeatedly. Not that I don't want to "teach" them about the computer, but I can't do it when they are asking me questions that are so irrelevant, so impossible, that I really hate to come up with answers to them.
If what I had said to my Dad just now was unrespectful, then I have been rude to him for all my life...I talk to my father in a tone that I use when I talk to my really close friends. It may sound rude and all, but it's actually a way of showing intimacy. juz that ppl usually don't understand...i am a queer person after all...