Freedom

I guess there is no such thing as total freedom, at least not in this world.

Today while on the bus, out of the window I saw a group of construction workers playing Cricket (the sport) on a open field not far from there makeshift work hostel with their makeshift balls and bats. The sight made me feel happy in a indescribable way (and I proceed to describe it).

Firstly I thought it was really cute, coz ultimately we are the same, despite the different lives we live, we seek fun in things we do, we do things to spice up the mundane routine.

Secondly, they were playing cricket. Seems like "the" game to play. It just felt the the right activity to do at the right time and with all the right people. Fun.

Third, agelessness. haha. They were working adults, yet they jumped around like little kids. The plain joy of doing something together with people you love.

Lastly, I felt unnamed joy to be cheered up by the scene. It feels natural. Not the kind of try-too-hard ways to cheer yourself up like going shopping, going for a movie...yadda yadda.

I'm having horribly mortifying thoughts

because I have wasted my entirely beautiful Monday DAY in the condemnation of my hall room waiting for nothing to happen.
well actually I was waiting for Chingay practice, but it's of no compelling importance to me.
While I do have the option to head back to home, I choose to not choose it. Because of reasons too obscure for my understanding.
I am beginning to develop the "I belong to nowhere, where do I belong" thoughts and soon nomadic activities will seem appealing to me. (wierdly I sense myself forming sentence structures vaguely similar to those in the illustrated Television Series called the Big Bang Theory, with the voice of Sheldon in my head).
Anyhow staying in hall is hugely mortifying when especially no one is around.
Me is terribly scared of loneliness and boredom. :(

I shall drink to lousy GPA

First sem only kena academic probation. I'm gonna flip dead and foam in the mouth.
wtf i failed 2 modules in one sem, dam muthafucking shitty can. So SIAN!
Although this is largely expected, that my results can't be anywhere near good, but I really thought my final paper could salvage me, and at least give me a pass. Just failed two core mod la, cb...and nxt sem must do again. lump of shit.

and i got academic probation.
worst results of my entire academic life pls. and no A??? stupid muthafucking CS1105. I shall send the tutor hate mails lor.

anyhow, since it's expectedly lousy, I shall not wallow in self-pity. It's an evil seed sown since the beginning of the sem, no matter how stressed i was at the end, just unable to change the unchangeable.

I am personally going to condemn such behaviours starting from NOW.
1. NO PONNING ANYTHING
2. NO LATE NIGHT MERRY MAKING WHEN THERE'S EARLY CLASS THE NEXT DAY
3. NO NOT-DOING-MY-TUTORIALS-BECAUSE-I-DUN-FEEL-LIKE-IT

this thing suck shit la. I brought this upon myself again! just I can get cap 4.5 lor, just anyhow play in the shitpool. first sem is borderly forgivable. NO SUCH THING from next SEM ONWARDS. NO SUCH THING!

sorry many times!!!

time waits for no one

in the blink of an eye, 2009 came and gone.
in resolution, I shall be a smarter person.
and not forgetting to mention, a more hardworking person.
since I always want things that others do not have, I shall choose to perceive hardworking as something most people do not have, and I will then see the lure to attain it. it kind of pisses me off for me to have to find ways to work around myself.

major bad mood

im in a gargantuan big ass bad mood now.
this is for wasting time. I could have gone home like yesterday after movie if i'd known today is gonna be bloody wasted. knnnnnnn
and to waste time wif ppl im verbally constipated wif is even more unsatisfying than cleaning up shit holes. bloody hell.
im oso pissed bcoz i signed myself up for so many shit that i want to strangle myself. suck.

Dum dum dee dum

"There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say," returned the nephew. "Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round--apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that--as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!" -- Dickens, A Christmas Carol

hall makes me feel dreadful

somehow hall gives me this kind of feeling.
especially when I'm the only one on the floor.
the feeling sux.
oh well.
early night then.

'Que sais-je?'

'What do I know?'

woot me shoes arrived in awesome chioness

my shoes are super nice!
and they shimmer under the light
lubs it ttm!!!

Programming is fun

yup agrees with title :)

rejunvenate?

I guess it's the body's one of a million mechanisms that it sleeps endlessly to repair injured body tissues, or just after one day's horrible exercises. Anyhow, yesterday I went to windsurf, it was some awesomeness. I'd love sea sports, it's just plain exhilarating! Even though the whole time I was trying to pull up my sail from the water and trying to catch some wind so that I could move along. Guess I'm not a natural wind expert, I just stand at some "no-go-zone" waiting for the wind to come. I wonder how they tell the wind direction so fast. Well, like my instructor said, I would have a horrible backache...and here I am having a horrible backache. My hands are swollen, the skin next to the nails is sore, my nails are chipped, I have multiple bruises on both my legs, I have an aching back and an aching backside. Each movement is accompanied by sighs and curses coz it's so uncomfortable! Anyhow, I still love to windsurf, and I hope NUS windsurfing organize more surfing sessions, so that I can practice and get awesome at it. well, back to topic, I slept till 4pm today which is just amazing, I didn't know I can sleep SO bloody long, and it's not nice to wake up in the afternoon I conclude. Rarr. Good thing is I haven't eaten the whole day coz I was busy sleeping. Oh, in my dreams, Mrs Chua came to tell me I did awesomely for maths, lol. rite. I hope Mrs Chua the god of mathematics helps. Then I had some wierd dreams, until I finally awoke.

Anyway, I'm not going for Dance camp no more, coz Renying's not going, plus this frees up time for me. Omg...forgot to call to ask about work. Geez. Plan much? I only about kept it up for a couple of days.

Halfway during my nap, my mom called. I get easily irritated when having conversation with my mom. It's like talking to a broken answer machine! it's frustrating because I don't want to think of my mom like this, but I can't help it. And she keeps treating me like I'm still at IQ age 4.

Pardon the incoherency, I just woke up.

windsurfing is FUN!

omg wts...

GEE

i am so upping the views for this video exponentially.
just realise act cute is not easy.
as much as i dun like snsd, i must admit they did smth i cant do (yet).
muaha, i am gg to exude cuteness from my pores after i get over this dance.

ps: mad loves Arshavin!

coming coming!!! woohoo!!!

my freaking shoes are coming!!!
yayness!!!
faster mail it to meeeeeeeeee~~~~

ralala im a hoarse

yay went to k today.
shiok.
i dun care if i am tone deaf, i love to yell into the mic.
except the fact that now i cant hear myself plus i cough like i have lung cancer. ok touch wood.
oh wells, gone is the plan to mug.
but unfortunately, i still have to.
so haiz.
i want to learn all the korean song's dances!
so cool!
sorry sorry is abit hard to learn, but nvm! i can learn GEE first, or Nobody.
Then i want to learn Amigo oso.
oh still got Don't Don.
dance queen in the making.

Miss my bedzdzdzdzzzzz

I'm waking up insanely early everyday in an attempt to fullfil my plans to bring my life back on track, I hope I don't give up anytime soon, it does feel good to have more time and a long day with no work is awesome too except I'm here waiting for a chicken who can't fly and a runny colon who must pang sai just before she leave house. For once I am freaking on time lol, gives me the authority to yell at people later, smiliies. Oh the chicken has just arrived woosh. Time to pig into breakfast! Weeee~~~

I am setting my life straight

As much as I do not like to plan, I have to. And I have to have plans for all sorts of things, majorly to plan my time properly.

I am gritting my teeth and I am going to set my life straight. I wish the feeling of surrealism go away because of this.

Firstly, my wakeup and sleep time. I am setting it at 630 am and 11pm. Chop.

Secondly, I must follow my to-do list that I set out the day before. And do the best I can to finish what I set out to do.

Thirdly, keep this up and not give up after one or two weeks, which always happen, so I must make sure I do this! Chop

Yup.