confused

know what, sometimes i feel i might have completely lost myself. whenever i see someone living their dream, it is like thousands of knives jabbing my innards. it is unbearable, to see that there are people out there being who they want to be, making a difference in the world in their own small way. i on the other hand concentrates on building a box around myself, closing myself in. it seems that im not good at anything, anything i am good at, i can always easily find someone better at it than me. i feel a total failure

Last Holiday

i feel inspired. i've just done watching the movie Last Holiday, and i am truly inspired. Georgia Byrd (Queen Latifah) was diagnosed to have only 3 weeks to live, she took the blow, and decided to live the rest of her life to the fullest til the last. and wow, did she live it. it is so ironic! yet so human, why izzit always when u are about to lose something then u start to treasure it. we keep thinking that we still have alot of time...so we squander it, thinking there is still tmr. this is the life Georgia used to live before she was diagnosed with disease, she lived in a box, she built herself. she dorn the cheapest clothes, put all her money in the bank, kept her feelings for someone to herself, and kept mum to many things she would like to voice out. till she found out that she had only 3 weeks to live, to hell with all the constraints. she's gonna live it like nobody. i feel so touched and inspired, and yes, i shall always rmb Georgia Byrd in the movie, and live my life like there is no tomorrow! 

slack shit

this is so predictable! sitting infront of the com is not good! but i cant resist the temptation! everytime i tell myself, it will only be awhile, and it went on to a few hours. gosh. i should keep my com in the store room! this is freaking diminishing my will to study! ytd i managed to mug the whole day straight, i felt cool and accomplished. but i felt autistic too! i havent left home for nearly 24 hours. really, i feel couped up and sick. but i cant go out. not that anyone's stopping, they will only make little conversation with themselve just loud enough for me to hear. things like, this is ur last time to buck up, last chance to revise....blah blah. as if i dont know
which is why i am staying at home to mug, but this fking computer is always tempting me! i am easily irritated. and seriously, i admit its my fault, but once i become irritated, everyone is a nuisance and god i would like to exterminate them. bahhhhhhhhh

歌德先生！！

亲爱的歌德桑：
小女子，周婉怡，对您久仰大名（其实今天才知道您到底是哪位）。小女子对您的文才简直佩服的贴在地上了。如您所见，小女子的文笔写作如是也，您认为还有没有救啊！？
小女子修读中华文学，作文本来不是问题，写作时也是文思泉涌、出口成章。然而，不久前不知染上何病，作文成绩一蹶不振，一落千丈，本人现在对写作以充满恐惧也。您说着该如何是好？？？
今日，尊师认为小女子的作文以达到她必须出手挽救的程度，对小女子施以鞭策、施以鼓励。小女子感动不已。亲爱的歌德桑，您认为尊师力挽狂澜，是凶是吉？
歌德桑，您说过：“斗争是掌握本领的学校，挫折是通往真理的桥梁。”小女子本已心灰意冷，却因为您这句话重燃希望。是啊，挫折并没有把我击败，它只是将我绊倒在地，好让我更坚强地再站起来。我已经站起来了。可通往真理的桥梁还很长。唯恐我还没走完，成绩就对我罔下定论了。
小女子如今不能说是对自己信心满满，其信心早已减半，自己有一半是空洞的。歌德桑，我该如何视此空洞？它是一半的谦虚？还是一半的无能？小女子认识到事情总有两面性。要不我心情愉快时，就正面视之；颓丧时，就把它当成是嗜血的恶魔，把我吸干了不算，还要把我砸碎了。
歌德桑，希望您能谅解我，体谅我。写不好作文并不可耻！我仍然是天真烂漫的我，聪明伶俐的我。我相信，写作并不如登天难，我愿为了写好作文而跋山涉水，赴汤蹈火。本人的热忱，您看到了吗？
小女子在这里答应你：今后的作文要做到“语不惊人，死不休”的境界。让那空洞的半边尽快填补起来，成为一个完整的我！

中国人，我永远都是中国人！

身为中国人，我真是自豪的热泪盈眶！今生今世，我，周婉怡，只做中国人！