know what, sometimes i feel i might have completely lost myself. whenever i see someone living their dream, it is like thousands of knives jabbing my innards. it is unbearable, to see that there are people out there being who they want to be, making a difference in the world in their own small way. i on the other hand concentrates on building a box around myself, closing myself in. it seems that im not good at anything, anything i am good at, i can always easily find someone better at it than me. i feel a total failure