Freedom

I guess there is no such thing as total freedom, at least not in this world.

Today while on the bus, out of the window I saw a group of construction workers playing Cricket (the sport) on a open field not far from there makeshift work hostel with their makeshift balls and bats. The sight made me feel happy in a indescribable way (and I proceed to describe it).

Firstly I thought it was really cute, coz ultimately we are the same, despite the different lives we live, we seek fun in things we do, we do things to spice up the mundane routine.

Secondly, they were playing cricket. Seems like "the" game to play. It just felt the the right activity to do at the right time and with all the right people. Fun.

Third, agelessness. haha. They were working adults, yet they jumped around like little kids. The plain joy of doing something together with people you love.

Lastly, I felt unnamed joy to be cheered up by the scene. It feels natural. Not the kind of try-too-hard ways to cheer yourself up like going shopping, going for a movie...yadda yadda.

I'm having horribly mortifying thoughts

because I have wasted my entirely beautiful Monday DAY in the condemnation of my hall room waiting for nothing to happen.
well actually I was waiting for Chingay practice, but it's of no compelling importance to me.
While I do have the option to head back to home, I choose to not choose it. Because of reasons too obscure for my understanding.
I am beginning to develop the "I belong to nowhere, where do I belong" thoughts and soon nomadic activities will seem appealing to me. (wierdly I sense myself forming sentence structures vaguely similar to those in the illustrated Television Series called the Big Bang Theory, with the voice of Sheldon in my head).
Anyhow staying in hall is hugely mortifying when especially no one is around.
Me is terribly scared of loneliness and boredom. :(

I shall drink to lousy GPA

First sem only kena academic probation. I'm gonna flip dead and foam in the mouth.
wtf i failed 2 modules in one sem, dam muthafucking shitty can. So SIAN!
Although this is largely expected, that my results can't be anywhere near good, but I really thought my final paper could salvage me, and at least give me a pass. Just failed two core mod la, cb...and nxt sem must do again. lump of shit.

and i got academic probation.
worst results of my entire academic life pls. and no A??? stupid muthafucking CS1105. I shall send the tutor hate mails lor.

anyhow, since it's expectedly lousy, I shall not wallow in self-pity. It's an evil seed sown since the beginning of the sem, no matter how stressed i was at the end, just unable to change the unchangeable.

I am personally going to condemn such behaviours starting from NOW.
1. NO PONNING ANYTHING
2. NO LATE NIGHT MERRY MAKING WHEN THERE'S EARLY CLASS THE NEXT DAY
3. NO NOT-DOING-MY-TUTORIALS-BECAUSE-I-DUN-FEEL-LIKE-IT

this thing suck shit la. I brought this upon myself again! just I can get cap 4.5 lor, just anyhow play in the shitpool. first sem is borderly forgivable. NO SUCH THING from next SEM ONWARDS. NO SUCH THING!

sorry many times!!!

time waits for no one

in the blink of an eye, 2009 came and gone.
in resolution, I shall be a smarter person.
and not forgetting to mention, a more hardworking person.
since I always want things that others do not have, I shall choose to perceive hardworking as something most people do not have, and I will then see the lure to attain it. it kind of pisses me off for me to have to find ways to work around myself.

major bad mood

im in a gargantuan big ass bad mood now.
this is for wasting time. I could have gone home like yesterday after movie if i'd known today is gonna be bloody wasted. knnnnnnn
and to waste time wif ppl im verbally constipated wif is even more unsatisfying than cleaning up shit holes. bloody hell.
im oso pissed bcoz i signed myself up for so many shit that i want to strangle myself. suck.

Dum dum dee dum

"There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say," returned the nephew. "Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round--apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that--as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!" -- Dickens, A Christmas Carol

hall makes me feel dreadful

somehow hall gives me this kind of feeling.
especially when I'm the only one on the floor.
the feeling sux.
oh well.
early night then.

'Que sais-je?'

'What do I know?'

woot me shoes arrived in awesome chioness

my shoes are super nice!
and they shimmer under the light
lubs it ttm!!!

Programming is fun

yup agrees with title :)

rejunvenate?

I guess it's the body's one of a million mechanisms that it sleeps endlessly to repair injured body tissues, or just after one day's horrible exercises. Anyhow, yesterday I went to windsurf, it was some awesomeness. I'd love sea sports, it's just plain exhilarating! Even though the whole time I was trying to pull up my sail from the water and trying to catch some wind so that I could move along. Guess I'm not a natural wind expert, I just stand at some "no-go-zone" waiting for the wind to come. I wonder how they tell the wind direction so fast. Well, like my instructor said, I would have a horrible backache...and here I am having a horrible backache. My hands are swollen, the skin next to the nails is sore, my nails are chipped, I have multiple bruises on both my legs, I have an aching back and an aching backside. Each movement is accompanied by sighs and curses coz it's so uncomfortable! Anyhow, I still love to windsurf, and I hope NUS windsurfing organize more surfing sessions, so that I can practice and get awesome at it. well, back to topic, I slept till 4pm today which is just amazing, I didn't know I can sleep SO bloody long, and it's not nice to wake up in the afternoon I conclude. Rarr. Good thing is I haven't eaten the whole day coz I was busy sleeping. Oh, in my dreams, Mrs Chua came to tell me I did awesomely for maths, lol. rite. I hope Mrs Chua the god of mathematics helps. Then I had some wierd dreams, until I finally awoke.

Anyway, I'm not going for Dance camp no more, coz Renying's not going, plus this frees up time for me. Omg...forgot to call to ask about work. Geez. Plan much? I only about kept it up for a couple of days.

Halfway during my nap, my mom called. I get easily irritated when having conversation with my mom. It's like talking to a broken answer machine! it's frustrating because I don't want to think of my mom like this, but I can't help it. And she keeps treating me like I'm still at IQ age 4.

Pardon the incoherency, I just woke up.

windsurfing is FUN!

omg wts...

GEE

i am so upping the views for this video exponentially.
just realise act cute is not easy.
as much as i dun like snsd, i must admit they did smth i cant do (yet).
muaha, i am gg to exude cuteness from my pores after i get over this dance.

ps: mad loves Arshavin!

coming coming!!! woohoo!!!

my freaking shoes are coming!!!
yayness!!!
faster mail it to meeeeeeeeee~~~~

ralala im a hoarse

yay went to k today.
shiok.
i dun care if i am tone deaf, i love to yell into the mic.
except the fact that now i cant hear myself plus i cough like i have lung cancer. ok touch wood.
oh wells, gone is the plan to mug.
but unfortunately, i still have to.
so haiz.
i want to learn all the korean song's dances!
so cool!
sorry sorry is abit hard to learn, but nvm! i can learn GEE first, or Nobody.
Then i want to learn Amigo oso.
oh still got Don't Don.
dance queen in the making.

Miss my bedzdzdzdzzzzz

I'm waking up insanely early everyday in an attempt to fullfil my plans to bring my life back on track, I hope I don't give up anytime soon, it does feel good to have more time and a long day with no work is awesome too except I'm here waiting for a chicken who can't fly and a runny colon who must pang sai just before she leave house. For once I am freaking on time lol, gives me the authority to yell at people later, smiliies. Oh the chicken has just arrived woosh. Time to pig into breakfast! Weeee~~~

I am setting my life straight

As much as I do not like to plan, I have to. And I have to have plans for all sorts of things, majorly to plan my time properly.

I am gritting my teeth and I am going to set my life straight. I wish the feeling of surrealism go away because of this.

Firstly, my wakeup and sleep time. I am setting it at 630 am and 11pm. Chop.

Secondly, I must follow my to-do list that I set out the day before. And do the best I can to finish what I set out to do.

Thirdly, keep this up and not give up after one or two weeks, which always happen, so I must make sure I do this! Chop

Yup.

i feel surreal

lately i have this surreal feeling about me.
I may be talking laughing wadever, but at the same time I feel detached from it all. I feel like I'm watching from the sidelines, observing everything. Why?????

2012

dun ask me why, but i sort like the idea of 2012, i liked the idea that the whole world is coming to an end.

super funny

wtf meenu james is my top friend on facebook, unbelievable ttm...tt is fucking super loser but dam funny at the same time. i dunno how to face her anymore. wtf top friend. just bushuang. lol

Cramps

My leg cramped in the middle of the night, I didn't wake up, but I remembered something dreadful happened in my dreams. I woke up thinking, it is really nice if someone could massage my cramped leg in the midst of sleep.

How come..

why is it that I can always find something else to do when I have the most imminent thing on my hand already. I have a paper to sit for tomorrow and two on the day next. Frankly speaking, I'm in totally no position to take the paper because I haven't learned half the syllabus, let alone revision and preparing for exam!?
I have come to terms with myself that this semester was overwhelming much, that I misplaced my balance. I dabble in things so many that I couldn't focus on any one of them, I totally missed my entire purpose in University. I even needed someone to remind me that my purpose here is to study. For that period of time, I didn't know what was I doing here. Now as I think back, I find myself utterly ridiculous. Sidetrack, I just watched first ep of the drama called Privileged, and I feel inspired by the "what-do-call-the-main-person" who was motivated, focused and ambitious, but got lost in the middle of life and the story tells how she pick herself up along helping others. Nowadays, I think that belief is a choice, I choose to believe in something and I commit to it. I choose to believe in finding a goal and working for it, for if I find this worthy goal or ambition, I don't want it to come to me free, I want to attain it through my own work. Some may say, street smart please, why work so hard? Why? Coz it's worth it. Random ramblings, but I feel like I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I am setting standards for myself, not like how I used to work to standards set by teachers and/or parents, now I work for myself. yup, back to mugging. PS: I am greatly amused by "Muggerita". I can't help it.

Haha I am elated and super amused

I am elated because I think I let go of something that won't belong to me, and I stopped longing for it, lest feel lousy over it. I am amused because, I seriously think I am much better. So, kudos to myself for overcoming it. it was rather undescribable experience, it gave me much FRUSTRATIONS, and I am so glad it's over. my elation bloomed while I was washing up just now. it just came like that, and I think this is the kind of joy that will last, compared to those I bluffed myself into. anyhow, it has been great. and I am super amused. best way to lift myself up is to laff at those that put me down.

anyhows, tmr is my first paper. welcome to next 5 days of continuous mugging. my forehead is super pimped due to all these stressful things. totally need a treat plus massage plus spa after everything. anyone wanna join me??

all the best for tmr's paper ^^, im just glad i wont need to study it again, provided i clear it this time round.

tadaas

die....

die...
with half a million things to study and I'm here having no mood to mug.

This is the end to clumsiness

I have had enough.
Quoting myself "One should not give trouble to oneself!"
F those drama series that made me think that clumsiness is cute and adored.
Clumsiness is uncute, and I soforth shall exterminate it from my life! Like a tumour being removed from me!
The last two clumsiness I would do in my life is: letting an egg drop to the floor right next to me, and trying to keep my laundries outside the window and dropping it one of them, and it's fucking embarrassing.
no more clumsiness. fuck.

Cant sleep

i cant sleep

Wow third post in a day

yes, third post in one day, either I'm too free or I'm starting to think.
It's just that, I suddenly became afraid of losing my kins. Not that I'm not afraid to lose them before, but suddenly I felt panicky.

I really miss my grandmother. I haven't seen her for many years before she passed away, so at that point in time, my grief was not as heartbreaking. It seemed like she was still there, there wasn't any change in my life because I got so used to life with her far away, I just couldn't believe that she's gone.

My grandfather is rather old and recently got sick, I really really worry for him. He's coming here to stay for some time, to get away from the cold back home, which makes him sick. I want him to be healthy and alive, at least until I graduate, at least until I give him great-grandchildren, at least till I can finally take care of him on my own accord. I want to bring him around to travel, to see the world, to show him my world. I hope blessed health be with him at all times.

After this, I really have no mood to blog about other things. Early night, and early day tomorrow. I have to study hard...and do it fast.

Holiday job.

I'm gonna work at Resort World this coming holiday. wells, not totally looking forward to it coz I've already got lots of things to do, my holiday is only just one month, but nonetheless i'm excited about it. I like the thought of me being busy. Not going anywhere for holiday, nope, haven't gone on holiday for eons long, and it's just not feasible to go, even though everyone I know are going on holidays, I shall not feel envy. I will enjoy working at Resort World, even though for now I only have a vague idea of what I'm going to do. I'm still thankful coz if not for the job, it may be another 10 years will I be able to afford to go to such places. Anyhow, being poor is nothing to be ashamed of. At least, I won't get stolen from. ...Well which I did, but that was just my bad luck. Anyhows, back to mugging which I have done so far for 8 hours straight, I feel smart.

Morning!

Its imperial that I blog about my dreams these days, they are just too surreal that I can't ignore them.

I woke up to the growling noises of a zombie dog being murdered by breaking its neck against a shabby dog door. Next to it was a harmless bunny who whimpered at the sight of the dead dog. Come to think about it, it was a zombie dog, how can it die so easily?
Anyhow the person killed it by breaking its neck using the door, and I am amazed by myself how real my dream was coz it even took care of the details of scratch marks left behind the door where the dog struggled while being killed.

Then again, this is not the first time I dreamt about flying armchairs. It's this normal IKEA chair that u press this button and the top part of it levitates. Damn cool. I want to make one one day. And in my dream, it moves around with a propelling force behind, makes turns and such by adjusting to my weight shifts. Although in my dreams it doesn't seem able to go higher than human eye level, because I remember I was floating past this old man, and when my focus went to his face, he had this super comical expression on that half resembles an amazed octopus, I actually laughed in my dream.

One more thing worth mentioning, after the dog supposedly died (I heard bone crack), the man released the door, and suddenly the dog catapulted towards me, like those sudden lunging sprints that scare the hell out of you, the dog lunged and was held back by the chains around his broken neck, thereby severing it all leaving head and body detached. Super horror movie pls.

Thereby, good morning.

roarzzz

it's still annoying me.
how how how.
just refuse to go back to being loserish.
how????

365th post!

For a long long time, I am happy today.
I am happy because this is my 365th post after 5 years of blogging.
I am happy because I met my friend today and we didn't do nothing much together.
I am happy because I didn't do that loserish thing for more than a day and I am not tempted to do it anymore.
I am happy because this time I handed in my assignment completed and on time.
I am happy because exams will end in another 2 weeks.
I am happy because I had my QLC about two weeks ago, and am comforted that everybody goes through this sooner or later, and I had it earlier.
I am happy because I read relevant stories about successes that I am inclined to achieve.
I am happy because I felt more matured than before.
I am happy because I am Me again!

Self help analyse shit

Today I really didn't want to wake up.
I set my alarm at 9 and I went on to sleep until 1030.
I slept until the point that I really had to tell myself that today is date due for assignment, I HAVE to wake up, then did I managed to pull myself away.
Not that I'm that sleepy or tired, I didn't even do much yesterday except completing one chapter of what's required to do the assignment.
I merely dun wanna wake up to everything.
I wish to sleep away~~~
or I wish to wake up to a new life.
Then again, I know this is my procrastinating and running away from my responsibilities...I know I shouldn't be this way...
someone help me :(

how awful...i'm like checking my msn every five minutes...to no avail..and it makes me feel loserish.

Dreams

If my dreams have a meaning, I dun wanna know wad it means, coz it can't be anything good. I took a nap just now, and it goes sci-fi all over again. I wake up wondering, is everybody I know really who they are? Or are they aliens who stole their bodies and discarded their original souls. This time round, I could vividly remember the face of a little girl with blazing red eyes saying "I am not who she thought I was already" meaning when this knew alien want to take over her, she admits she was already once taken over...

yupz.

and the weather is awesome.

time to feel happy enjoy studying.

Gore

What a way to start the day with, just a whole bunch of gore right smack in my face.
I had a dream last night, sci-fi themed this time. It was gory sci-fi, and it was pretty detailed, to the point that I still do rmb certain memorably gory scenes.
Basically it's sort of like war btw two worlds, fighting against alien monsters sort of thing, and I was one of those by-standers watching everything happen. I was in a building, overlooking some construction site. The construction is pretty indescribable, it's a huge pile of sand that's as tall as the building I was in, think pyramid just that it's not triangular, there were workers hanging around the square block of sand 1 million metres off the ground. Just then, an alienish dragon appeared from the side. It floated around the building, smacking it's tail against the sand. and one smack landed spot on a worker, and he promptly exploded into bloody chunks of flesh, some flew towards me, some sank into the sand, I could see generous flow of blood on the sandy building, before the entire sand column decided to collapse, and the dragon turn to float in my direction. I took one look at its incoming face, it has mouths inside its mouth, imagine marbles in a round cup, it was red and glowing...before my dream went somewhere else.

Finding me...

I feel lonely in the middle of the night, and I'm scared to fall asleep by myself, which explains the late hours, I'd rather find people to talk, go for late suppers, I just don't want to be left alone. I had always been a loner sort, but I've never been afraid to be alone so much. Sometimes my thoughts scare me, and I'm afraid to lose myself. I feel I have changed so much in just a mere few months. For one, I am definitely less happy. I have to scout for reasons to keep myself happy, I wasn't this way. I wish everything could just go back to how it used be, and I can be happy just being myself which imho is getting harder and harder to keep up. Talk about 无己。。。all i think about is myself. When there's a huge world out there, all I do is wallow in my own self-pitying thoughts. Why had I become so pathetic??? I wish this sem would go away asap, I want to start anew, I　want to be ahead of my tutorials, not go to tutorials feeling emo, I want to prepare for exams not sitting for exams that I've no idea about. It's difficult on my own, but time has indeed came for me to fend for myself, to take care of myself, I could no longer rely on others making decisions for me, watching out for me. I am a short-sighted person, with little or no perseverance, when will this change? How do I become a better person?

on a happier note, today is lab quiz, not that im happy about it, just that after today, one less thing off my mind, and dinner with old friends, finally a breather outside this stressed up place.

I really want to be "逍遥快活"...more than ever.

fucking bastard screwing up my mind.

just bu shuang ttm....i want to take out my brain and cut it into pieces.
rarrrrr....mug n mug n think n think...
screwed up
when will this ever end?

FML

I smashed my iPhone screen today.
now I feel sad whenever I look at my phone.

woa i m really very screwed...

im screwed beyond redemption.
seriously, why did i allow myself to end up in such a situation.
gosh, i have a mountain of things to do and now I realize its impossible
to clear all.
IMPOSSIBLE!
possible if i mug 24/7 and absorb everything I read the instance my eyes fall on them.
yucks, why do I always land myself in uncontrollable situations, and i hate it coz i cant blame anyone else.
nahs, this shall be the sem that i teach myself how to control myself.
every morning i wake up with the thought "when is this going to end?"
seriously...i cant wait for the sem to be OVER!
omgosh...
this is like A'lvl crammed into 3 months...
inhumane bastards.
next sem im going to take only 2 modules. and maybe cut certain organs away so that i wont be easily distracted.

when all frustrations gone

i think i can smile in my sleep tonight.
it feels great to be relieved to all the frustrations, and gosh how many times did i see this word "frustration" today.
anyhow, i feel refreshed.
and i thank all who has listened (or not listened) and who has talked to me.
i can finally move on. woosh. and tmr is a better day.
may i pray tt my mom drop the matter abt her guy coz i am just not interested. lol and shall i say my interest lie elsewhere. hahahaha. omg incoherent. lalalalala
good to feel happy again tho.
yayeeeee

i am totally speechless

my mom's perserverence scares me...i get it this is her way of trying to help me by introducing guys to me, which is imho pretty cute of her...but im only doing it for her, and it is dramatically irritating. i mean this is totally ridiculous la, sian

horribly bu shuang

rarr. i feel so screwed up! now i need people and things to always occupy me so that my thoughts won't run wild. this is intolerable! horrible kns shit.

anw...played bejewelled for past hour with jess and joe in the lounge, and i feel it's ultimately the most dumb and funny thing to do to preoccupy myself. i am turning to all sorts of means man. and this is bad.....

My eventfully unlucky week of constant irritation.

The past week was a hell of a bundle of irritation. To recount, nah, it's not very nice to recall, just one teeny mention of the most stupidiest thing I have so far done in my life...
LEAVING MY FUCKING DOOR OPEN AND HAVE MY FUCKING LAPTOP STOLEN.

That about sums up my screwalty, and horribility of the week.
Horrendously, I had to go through interrogation and the shit, which are all imho useless waste of time, but I had to do coz it's sort of standard procedure, and also because I had no idea what else to do.

Anyhow, I bought a replacement today, totally the same model except it's white, i felt so stupid when i was telling the sales person who sold me the previous laptop and who sold me this new one altogether. It's like replay of the day about two months ago, just that this time i went alone. and that this time, the other sales made fun of me. >< dulan ttm.

and many thanks for ShiQi who came down to company me, it was really nice to meet up with old friends, and it helps to take my mind off everything for awhile, it was so nice, i was reluctant to return home. and now back to reality, i must start mugging coz i dun want to be doing nothing when i'm sitting for exams.

another fml thing, my retarded cousin is back...and he is still as retarded as ever. I hope he die of retardedness.

on a happier note, i think my white laptop is pretty :)

Fail...

epic fail, took the longest possible irritating ttm route to come to hall today. and its freaking irritating coz i've got nobody to blame but myself, which i can't bring myself to because i'm me.

anw...i missed my stop on bus 143 and when i realized it i was somewhr heading towards west coast park. i promptly got down and crossed the street to take a bus back. and promptly again this bus 189 came and i reckoned that it will take me back to heng mui keng terrace. when i board the bus i even asked the uncle whether the bus will go to "kent ridge hall"? the uncle gave me a blur look and a little nod, i reckon he heard the word kent ridge and maybe it rang a bell.

and it did ring a bell, but a totally different one, coz in the end the bus went to bloody kent ridge terminal, stupid uncle and stupid me coz i should have asked "heng mui keng?" instead of "kent ridge hall".

i sat at the bus terminal for like 20 min waiting for a bus 10 to start and to all hopes lost it never came and i nvr got to see whether one came coz i had the sudden urgent urge to shit. lucky enough i know there lies AS7 just behind the kent ridge terminal so i followed my ultra good instincts which led me to a toilet just in time.
and why the sudden urge? it was due to the steamboat i had before this evening, it was at this newly opened steamboat place near chinatown mrt, it was ALRIGHT, just plain janely ALRIGHT, wouldn't go back there for a second time coz it has no special draw.

ok after my toilet trip, i ended up at the bus stop outside AS7 where i usually have my CH2252 lecture, wanted to wait for a shuttle bus that would get me back to hall, coz i have tons of barang barang i have to lug back with my two frail arms. if not i would have happily walked back.

which end up i still walked back, and lugging my whole house with me. the road was horrendously long, and when i reached kr, i am sure i have broken something within me, a rib or two maybe.

sian!!!
and i am again very pissed coz tmr is monday.
i spat on Mondays
and bloody noisy neighbours.

I value my friendships

I am really very grateful for the cake! Many thanks to my lovely friend!
and many yeses to our eight(are you sure eight?) years of friendship and still counting. My best wishes to you too! And once again THANKS ALOT! :)

i freaking passed my sit-in-lab!!!

i freaking passed my sit-in-Lab 1!!!!!
even tho is a freaking 56/100, but i passed it! im a freaking genius!!!

right..

putting my retainers in hot water was a bad idea. i'm not sure whether it did what i intended it to do which is kill germs, but what came to me was not very nice, first it shrank, second it cracked. awed. maybe my material science major friend could help me explain this. :)

i observe that i only blog when im pissed, or confused.
yup im confused.
if i am to have a PhD, will I go ahead to be whatever that's fitting to my title, or will I maybe pursue a totally different path?
for one thing, I will most probably not be a professor, unless i do research which is another thing. imho, professors are the highest paying slackest jobs. i dun wanna boring job no matter how high paying it is.

i have just arrived at a conclusion to that bugger question i have been thinking about.
why am i here?
for one thing, I don't believe that uni is the only way to go. it is in my opinion, a easy way to go, for people who have no fucking idea what they want to do in life.
i have zero threshold for ppl who choose to study courses like Accountancy, even more if it's because it is a "zero risk" occupation. unless u are genuinely into accountancy, i have nothing to say.
"zero risk"? you can bloody go kiss my toilet bowl.

why am i here?
i am here to find out what exactly do i want.
i am the kind of person who will do things for the sake of i haven't done it before (certain things out of the question). a PhD should be the ticket that can get me everywhere, it shouldn't be the limiting reagent.

although actually i think money is thee ultimately most important ticket that can get me everything i want.

okay, second thing i want, money.

with money, it's not about branded apparels, branded cars, branded whores. it's about going to places, seeing things. i want that, desperately.

concrete plan? kiss my bloody toilet bowl again.
dun have.
and i'm sure by sitting on it, it will open up to me one day.
anyhow, i should begin with saving and investment.
as much as i hate to study such things, i might just do so. awed.

independence. once im financially independent, my destiny will begin.
for now,
observe and learn.
and kaobeh as many dumb shits as possible.
tell me "zero risk" one more time, i make you risk everything you've got.

zero risk...

and i am pissed by egoistic ppl who should slap themselves silly.
and i am pissed coz i gonna wake up to a monday. fuck.

dum dee dum

wow i feel that my life is in a whirlpool and im just cruising along. why am i doing what i am doing??
do i really want a university cert?
do i really want to be this person i am going to be??

anw...darn my recess week is over! and i have Lab3 to submit tomorrow and my tutor just requested me to redo my sit-in-lab all over again!~ FML~~
even with all these things piling up, i am here nua-ing like it doesn't matter.

yadda doom dee dumm yadda doom doom dum yadda yadda yadda

i am lost and dunno whr im ggoing

as i was saying, i am absolutely lost and dont know where i am going. I have lost focus and have lost perserverence. i begin to question what I want in life, and I begin to question myself, who am I? The point of me existing is elusive and I basically have no idea what I want from life, and what I want from me.

religions are the last thing i will turn to, so for now, let me draw something out for me, and in the mean time, i should wander around and explore.

screwed up shit

it seems when the mood is not right, anything can go wrong. as much as I want to do well for my interview, my sianness just take over all of it and poof, went my interview and my first impression. I hate the "about me" question TTM! I should totally write one essay about how ppl shouldn't ask the "about me" qn during interviews coz it is insincere ttm. walao sian sian sian.

fuck this complicated world, angsty ttm

actually i'm quite grateful towards danny for telling me those things, and I do feel rather blessed to not have gotten any of that kind of thing happen to me, even though I did have my fair share of youthful stupidity that backfired on me. a night's sleep on this topic did make me a more mature person I feel, it is undeniable that people always wear a mask, showcasing this part of them that they want people to know, while I have always stressed to myself to be truthful to myself and thus to others, being just myself everywhere I go and without any mask of any kind. Now I learn to see this mask in a different light, it may not be hypocrisy, it's a kind of protection. Now I also realize that I shouldn't bare myself to anybody coz it's like leaving my flesh out for show without my skin. my mask will be painted with my true colours, but it will be a mask that shields away those things I'm awfully sensitive to.

I feel glad that I have realised that I need to protect myself, makes me feel very much a more matured person :)it seems that what used to concern me is not so important anymore, I have to know what is the most important things to me. what is unchanged is that I really do need to work on my perseverence, I am now unaccomplished because I give up too easily. which is a difficult change to make in myself, but I have to change it because it's good to me ultimately.

relationship-wise, i'd just leave it to fate lar, :). nothing to be hassled over and worried about, it comes it comes. still I am grateful I have met good friends along the way to guide me along, and make it easier to move on.

yup, back to persevered mugging!

not really a good time to blog

as i said its not a good time to blog, im have way through my Chapter 1 of Linear Algebra, and tomorrow the lecture is on Chapter 4, awesome. Laggin like shit is catching up on me! another time, life's been a heck of fun and anxiety and all feelings mixed together, i feel alive and i need sleep like never before. im turning nocturnal no doubt, and getting fat as well, shit. and i dunnid ppl to keep reminding of that fact, it happens that the more i dun want to hear something, the more i hear of it. irritating. oh wells, anyway, i have a pile of work to do. which i am unwillingly slackingly doing. good job and a cup of coffee to myself. tadas

BU SHUANG TTM!

I am damn bu shuang ttm.
hall is a place of complex personal and interpersonal relations, whr to draw the line? whr to keep the distance? what's loose and what's not? why are ppl ever so superficial. uni is a place to learn ALOT of things other than what im supposed to study, its amazing and irritating at the same time. i hope i do not lose myself, lose sight of myself, mental note to myself:principles do not bend, keep my principles steady, keep myself steady, enjoy the time and make good lasting frenships that dont ever turn stale, or turn into anything.

Dream dream

I had a dream last nIght, it's about domestic violence, I could vividly remember. But of course it's not my domestic it was some other girl's sad life which I happen to know and tried to help. Details pretty much forgotten, one lasting impression is that in order to help that girl I lost my beloved backpack, I regretted alot alot all the way until I woke up i was still sad about the lost of my backpack. Lala turn out it's just a dream!

the dumb dating game is killing me

omg,i hate the kr dating game la, so bloody troublesome ttm!!! now im begging wk to help me wif chasing this guy i refused to chase coz i was damn lazy, i thought blind date was gonna be fine but the khaad woman just anyhow asign me one chui sri lankan guy, wad was i to do??? eeeeeeeeee, i want to just disappear on the day la. irritating ttm

Solar eclipse

It's a pity I can't be there in my hometown to watch the solar eclipse. Chengdu is one of the best spots to watch, although I think watching it in somewhere in India where the whole process begins will be yet another unforgettabe experience much more intense than watching it anywhere else. It was said that the sun rises out of the horizon as a huge black ball, seabirds will not sqwak as they are confused whether it is daylight already. At this point I wish I were a mere fishermen in India, money and what not are nothing compared to this experience of a lifetime. I can't claim that I have seen the solar eclipse coz I watched the process on tv, I feel exceptionally dumb when I was so excited and snapping pictures of my tv screen. Sadly despite all good things about iPhone, I can't seem to upload pictures straightaway, not that the pictures are a big deal coz they were snapped off my hugeass tv. Then again, I must thank modern technology for the live telecast of the entire process, the diamond ring is astonishingly beautiful!! I am glad I caught a glimpse of it even though it was from the tv.

It was said solar eclipse can affect people's lives in a psychological way (not sure whether this is the right way to put it), many who have seen it spend much of their fortune and time to catch just another glimpse, to enjoy the tranquility once more. Well, I would definetly do that if I have the time and money. Imagine being proposed to under the "diamond ring", ultimate romanticism! Then again I bet the guy will be too busy watching the eclipse to care about getting down on one knee.

The sun symbolizes perfectness.

I heard that from the tv.

iPhone finally!!!!

Yayness I'm blogging on ma iPhone!!!! Fucking awesome!!! Seriously Its the best phone ever!!! Lalala kma berries

Back from Camp!

Yayeee~~~
I'm hooked with "yayee" and indian accent, all thanks to Castello ^^. Camp was much fun, and I love the peeps at SOC! They are uber fun and crappy, I like! Before I forget everything, I'd better write smth down, so I could look back in 50 yrs and smile to myself.

First day, always the most boring day in camp, u go with the thought "sucks i wanna go home" spinning in ur head. Lugging everyth thr was ultimate Pui-shit, and I just random bang into ppl and say sorry until i couldn't care less. most memorable thing in day 1: lugging 200pounds across the country :), chao funny ice-breaking games tt made me laff till cry, sleeping on the floors of SOC and constantly having random ppl walk past and say "woah lidat oso can". Not forgetting the fright I got when I thot i was the only girl in the OG, and the sigh of relief when Chuying appeared.

2nd day, some amazing race, run around and do station games and stuff. was pretty fun coz I had hilarious GLs. Oh and I somehow spread the "beetle" thing thr. Good. Then went to sentosa to check in to our bunk, lol, me n Chuying stayed in Bugis at costa sands. Dam good coz four beds to four ppl, no nid to squeeze. Afternoon was Chalet games, which made me laff so much I had to gasp for air. especially Charade, which is to pass the msg down by acting it out, i must get the video they took.

3rd day, beach games, cant rmb much except i was alittle disappointed. but owell, I enjoyed the company :) at night revealed our secret pals, and I got 2, one Tony one Randy, haha. Both are really cool guys, yayeeee. and thn night walk, which i was disappointed coz nobd sprang up to scare ppl, for safety reasons...aft which, we last min discuss performance item, which is to sing chorus from many many songs, and somehow we came up with www.ChangGE.com "Anyhow ZHNG, Anyhow Chang" just laff until my stomache burst.

4th and final day, watch perf, break camp, go eat lunch, thn supper.

well, it was fun despite my boring writing. and anw its more for myself to read. I await the photos and Partyworld outing!!!!

4th n final day

I need to grow up...

Its been long...and now i nid to rant.
I am now a prospective undergraduate, long string of words that bring me joy, glory and some unintended jealousy (srry bout tt, but I AM gg to uni, so u can go suck ur boogers). I feel that I nid to grow up, mentally, I can't continue to think like I am that kid who's loved by all those around her, I nid to get used to the idea that I cant fall back on my parents anymore (not that they mind, but i mind). They have done SO much for me, that I feel the weight of my responsibilities pressing on me, and i really do feel bad to take any more money from them. I do hope that my promise of a 6 digit monthly allowance for them materialise, it will be the one thing i will ever be proud of myself.
i was in a bad mood today. bad for no apparent reason. i was rolling my eyes the whole time! cant believe its happening...we've been SO close! up to now, though. which i sincerely feel sad about, but really cant help it happening. sad sad sad sad.
then i realise, i can be friendless (not entirely true, but sometimes i feel this way ), but i am still satisfied becoz my Dad is my Best friend. he can always see the reason behind my tempers, and my anger dissipate before him. just Poof! i m happy again. I am REALLY glad that I am so LUCKY to have my Dad. and Im even more glad to be close to him, we spend so much time together, and I am so happy to be with my Dad. I know i sound kind of anti-social, but really whats the use of 100 friends when u alr have a BEST Friend? then again, I do appreciate the friends I have made over the years, and many of whom I absolutely adore. but over the years, i indeed have lost some CLOSE frens...nth really happened, but we juz slipped into oblivion. I do wish they do not forget me, for I have not forgotten about them.
my dad told me, "be grateful to those who made u learn"---ppl who cheated u, ppl who reprimand you, ppl who are jealous of u---u muz be grateful to them---for they make u realise important things, and force u to gain maturity. altho its pretty hard to turn hatred into gratitude, i do realise the changes those events made on me. for now, i will not get cheated again, i can deal with ppl with ultimate-suck-ass-attitudes, and i can have smiley conversations with green-faced jealous ppl. well, i am a much better person.
despite my lament about how much i dont like terribly-self-centred-ppl, i realised i am one myself, talk about contradiction. every man for himself, rite? thn again, i still dont like it, even tho i accept it. lament lament lament.
ranting is a less violent outlet for me, i almost went violent juz now, i was shouting and banging things, i guess its pms... then again ranting not really enuf, gg to run later to forget abt the sick world in my brain.
on a happier note, iPhone 3G S will be on sale in Spore in JULY! I am sooooo gonna get it. and well those iPhone-haters can shove their omnia,viewty,nokia 5800, arena, htcs--up their little ass and continue to live in denial that IPHONE is ultimately the best mobile ever!

Data-entry I kiss you Goodbye ^^

IN just about another 30 hrs, I am leaving behind a ton of boredom and slogging while skipping gracefully to boundless freedom. 幸福~~

Concluding my first and last office job, I'd like to say its been torturing and I will never do this type of job again, cross my heart. The good thing about this job...is that its not tiring, unlike my previous jobs that required me to stand 9 hrs in a row, this sitting job promotes sleepiness and butt expansion, plus mouth retardination, for i speak less than 10 proper sentences in a day. Autistic.

As we always have to learn something out of everything: I learnt job responsibility.
serious. In the beginning, I thought my job is mainly sai kang and backing up information, nothing much, not really worth the commitment and scrutiny. to my dismay, I WAS WRONG. And i had to clean up after myself in the end. While I was correcting my past mistakes, I actually felt like hitting myself, for giving myself extra work to do. This is wad 哑巴吃黄连，有苦说不出，meant.
Well, I'd say I had left an impression as the Physically Strong Swimmer, the girl who brings her own lunch everyday, the pink ear piece, the soya milk, the computer geek, the printer technician, the doorbell answerer, shorts and sandels, the GUNBOUND, the 边工作，边看戏, the 没有规矩，basically the only person to tahan so long. Haiz, I love myself for my new found perserverence. Now my mom will have nothing to say, ha, no more accusing me of having no 毅力, I have hardcore proof now.
honestly, i won't miss anybd here, especially 唐勇, whom I am already forgetting. nah, not saying that the ppl are not nice, they are nice, and nice is a useless word. So, being nice doesnt make me rmb them. But I will rmb Annie, simply because she's pregnant. aha. and she's the one who didn't scold me for what mistakes I made. partly being she's nice/pregnant, partly because im wise enuf the keep quiet and look pitiful :)
ha~, I am gonna keep away from Lavender for a really long time. sheesh.
and, I am just happy that I no longer need to see the word Grangeford, or Leonie Hill, for the rest of my life.
Then again, this might be the only job that allows me to watch shows while working. Lemme count the shows that I watch at work.
American Idol
America's Next Top Model
我的帅管家
Katekyoshi Reborn
ONE PIECE (heart shape)
爱就宅一起
终极三国
and play Gunbound at the same time.
oh, and I learnt to use MS Excel, muahahah, who wanna know how to create a drop-down list in excel???
yup....
yay, one more day!!!! :):):):):):):)

sai

my boss just said i have no manners, fuck.
coz i din bother to say hi to him when he entered and i was at the door.
so, SORRY i din realize the shimmering boss just entered and I was brought up so badly that I ignored you, my many apologies.
sai.
so niao, not as if i said hi ur business will increase.
ok, fine, my bad, i din bother with social customs.
真是没规矩。
ok, i shall rmb this, nxt time, i will hi so big u regret ever saying this.

aiya, im not good with critisisms, i think i shall learn to accept them and turn them into something good.
counting down to 30th April....10 more days!
aaaargh
10 more days i can kiss this bloody sai goodbye.
good!

rarrrrr siannnnnnn

i wnat to quit my fking job!!!!! sai!

hohohohoh

oh dear! got this one guy's name is

Salmon David

blob blob blob

hahahahha

oh dear, sorry but i have to laugh....anw i came across this name, so funny i laughed in the quiet office. behold.....

MA MU MU AYE

yes its a name! lalalala. i want a fren whose name is ma mu mu aye..
lol shuddup brain, i cant concentrate on my work.
mamumu~~~AYE~~~
ma~mumu~a-eyeee
mamu~mamu~mamu AYE!!!
lol i can come up wif a cheer for her. lOLzzzzz

double standards

im irritated by the fact tht many people complain that im not sensitive to their feelings, while they totally dun care about mine. stop it, my world does not revolve around u!

emotional

i had a emotional breakdown ytd, and i want to thank Shiqi for being there, listenin and consoling me.
from now on, I decide where to draw the line, I will not be treated carelessly and unimportantly anymore.
I now know it is actually my mistake that I allow ppl to treat me however they like, because most of the time i keep mum about my thoughts and feelings. and i suffered coz of that. so now on, no more silent sufferings.

i have a temper actually

i had always thought im a person without a temper, except towards my parents who have bigger tempers than me. most of the time, when im out my home, i leave my temper and anger and frustration back in, or i keep them tucked deep beneath my iron skin. had i always thought that having little or no emotions, I will be better able to survive and live through with less pain and scars, i have to think otherwise now.

just sunday, i discovered my temper and my anger are less deeply hidden than i thought. the incident took place on the bus, i was with my Dad. somewhere early in the trip, this group of disgustingly Beng-looking and vulgaricious and music-blasting stupid idiots boarded the bus, and sat behind us. I totally feel sad for their parents, coz if my kid grow up to be like that, I'd rather have given birth to a plant. Thn again i feel sorry for them, coz they probably don't have loving and responsible parents like I do, who teaches me manners and discipline and respect. while they filled the bus with their alphebets (namely KNN or CCB or Knnccb...), and blasting Jay chou's Dao Xiang away, I tried very VERY hard to ignore them. I was thinking to myself, that if they were to play the game "1,3,6" which is to call the numbers out but skipping those with 1,3 or 6, in the version of "knn, ccb, knnb" I bet they will run out of things to say.

despite their freaking idiotic public display of stupidity, we kept our opinions to ourselves. what pulled the last straw was when my father was talking on the phone, they made fun of him. Nobody makes fun of MY FATHER! I was literally shaking with anger. After a few eye daggers, they became even more ostentatious, and I on the other hand was about to burst, while my father happily chats away on the phone. so, i turned around and stare them straight in the eye, and said "excuse me, will you Shut the Fuck Up". honestly, i was proud of myself, because this time, I DID NOT PUT UP WITH THE RIDICULE and I STOOD UP TO IT, overthrowing my ever so cowardly self. and i give credit to the dumbasses coz they actually do understand english and did shut up, but they should slap themselves silly anyway.

after we got down from the bus, I got a lecture from my Dad. He told me I should have kept my composure and totally ignored them, instead of getting all angry myself. Because "being angry is a punishment to yourself for the wrongs that other people did". True.
Now, Im abit confused. Because one hand I think having a temper is not a bad thing, the other I think being angry at other people is dumb.

So, I have made up my mind,
no more silent sufferings, no more putting up with anti-Chinese sentiments, and at least if I am angry I will make known about it. If I am punishing myself for ur mistake, I make sure you have a horribler time than me.

ONE PIECE!!!!!

i dunno how many posts have i written that is about ONE PIECE. I am gonna write another one.

ONE PIECE IS MY INSPIRATION, READING ONE PIECE MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL, MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE! AND LUFFY, IS A BLOODY MIRACLE!!! MY GOD! ONE PIECE MUST NEVER END!!!!

I am pissed

OK, I have decided not to put up with this anymore. What's wrong with you people!? What's with all the "CHina-man, Cheena-man" name-calling??? In what position are you to be making such a fuss about other people???

firstly, I do sort of understand how the locals feel towards them, or us, seeing us as people who invade your country, take away your jobs, pollute your country, whatever! and if you people cant see the reason behind all these, I suggest you go through primary school again. For one, we never did invade your country. Your government "invited" us over, and for what reason?? It's you people who are selfish and reproductively challenged, so much that ur government worry that there won't be any people to run the country in another 50 years, when all ye old buggers die out. Plus, foreign workers are not only from China, I see eurasians, americans, brits...whatever, and how come I don't hear any names for them??? how do you know that those blond hair and green eyes don't pollute your country, don't take away ye jobs, they bloody once invaded your country!! and I guess that part of ye memory is buried under all the dirty money ye earning from them.
then again, i find it disgusting when the local chinese TAKE PRIDE in the fact that they can't speak chinese, know nuts about their history and heritage. And I tink I dunnid to remind you that your ancestors came from mainland China. So what if that was history, now ye are all Singaporeans, ye are no longer Chinese. Are ye gonna rewrite history like the Koreans and say something like Confucius was from Singapore originally.
OK, to be fair, I do see the fact that sometimes what we do, how we act can be disturbing, different. This has to do with the demography whatever in my country. 13 billion people, and more than half do not get proper education beyond high school. Being under-educated is not their fault, because its way too big a population for the central gvt to cater to all. Singapore is one of the cleanest, safest country, one critical reason is that it is SMALL. of course easier to cope and spread the resources wad.
uurghsh....
hopefully i live to see the day when I never again see the condescending look in people's eyes when they talk about us. China is a strong and magnanimous nation, and us Chinese will infiltrate every corner of the world, and till that day, ye all just have to swallow that fact that calling us names is just another childish habit ye didn't leave it where ye should have left it

i was bored at work

and i googled "bored at work" and i found this http://www.ubersite.com/m/85129
my god, go read if ya bored at work too.
i swear ima nvr eat a nugget agn. this bugger is crazy, lols, blooody good entertainment dude

ONce again: I LOVE ADAM LAMBERT!!!!

This is no secret actually, I'm horrible slacker at work, muahahah. I just watched American Idol: Micheal Jackson Ep, And I was BLOWN AWAY!!!! really, i crashed two walls and found myself in the office next door. HOlY, Ima listen to Michael Jackson all day long and dance to myself, or wriggle in the chair actually, and enjoy spasms of joy travel through ma body. HOly, and Adam Lambert is just captivating!!! wooot!! I wooted softly in the office and couldn't stop bobbing and mini-waving my arms around infront of the computer screen. Yay, love internet TV, best thing ever!

Side story: last night, I dreamt that I was balding. seriously horrifying! the dream was sooo real, I saw myself touch my hair and just one huge waft of hair came tumbling down!!!! my god, im sure i screamed in my sleep. Best thing was my secondary school crush was professing his love for me, but the whole time i was trying to cover up the hideous hole on my head! so when i woke up, first thing i did was not open my eyes, I reached up to feel my hair. God, was I ever glad to find hair on my head. Heavenly. and the whole time I was getting dressed for work, I was dancing to Ayumi's songs blasting it at top volume and not giving a heck whether I wake the baby next door. another thing i realised, my dancing is HORRIBLICIOUSITY!!!! MY GOD, if anyone saw me dancing, they'd laugh so hard they fly all the way to Laughland. Soooo, when i get my meagre pay come the 7th, Ima seriously gonna enrol in a dance class. Bite me.

PS LOVE ADAM LAMBERT!! AND I DUN CARE HE'S GAY!!!

one news turned my day into sunshine ^^

wow! my supervisor is pregnant!!!! such great news!!! ima gonna buy all sorts of prunes or plums to the office hahahaha. OmG, it really brighten up my day totally! woot! to think i was grumpy just a moment ago. seriously, this sort of news have a mystical power to excite people. well maybe the thought that a new life is in the making is plainly exhilarating in its own sense. wow, and now i am motivated to work harder, haha, no link, but ya, lemme fingers fly over the keyboard and key in the data in mega-input speed, all for the sake of a new life emerging! happiness for the world!!!!

shit i hate sitting next to the bloody printer

i am grumpy the dwarf! because i am DAM grumpy and dam SHORT! (those ppl shorter than me are PRIMAL DWARVES! be contented la, at least you are not grumpy like me.)

anw, i want to repeat! I hate sitting next to the printer! because when people head to the printer, they pass by my desk. And I have never hated KAYPO-ism as much as until now! wtf, I am not some exotic animal that u've nv seen before, stare at me like i have a MOLE on my TEETH! and then just keep beo-ing my com screen, wtf wtf wtf!!! nxt time, im gonna invent this anti-beoing mechanism that shoots hot sauce laser into ur eyeballs man, beo some more la, i will make ornaments out of ur eyeballs! stupid fat pig.!

and i wnt to say this, ALL MIDDLE AGED HORNY LOSER MEN: GET A LIFE PLS! STOP PESTERING YOUNG GIRLS AND HARASSING THEM WITH YOUR FAILURE YOUTHFUL-WANNABE LINGO!!!! dam bloody loser and disgusting la. one more added reason i dun wanna take learn driving, coz the driving centers are infested with mole-ly OLD MEN who salivate profusely at the inrush of young beautiful girls.

UNi

ok, so i tendered in my uni application and scholarship application. rightfully this is something big, and i should blog about things that are big. so here i am.......

i am feeling close to nothingness over this hectic thing called university application. i went through determination, confusion, determination, change of mind, huge determination, and now im just hoping that i get what i want. which is quite difficult, coz all the 4As are vying for my course...maybe i should simply hire a hitman and kill all the 4As there are. which i have no money...imagine kill one person cost 500bucks (assuming human life are that cheap), i will nid to pay 500 X 10000. hello , i dun even have 5 bucks for lunch tmr. yala, bloody i m dam sleepy and i havn bathed, and there's work tmr...........i shall continue another day

wow

the form just cleared itself again! wa waste my time

About Yourself

"So tell me more about yourself."
"..."
This is one question that I was unable to answer, for three freaking times in a row for a bloody job interview. It's not that I have nothing to say about myself, but on the total contrary, I have so much to tell that I dunno where to begin.
Actually I think the question is posted in my favor, because it is an opening for me to display my qualities and let the interviewer get to know me better. It's just like me promoting the phone, honestly presenting the good things and secretly hiding the shortcomings. It is therefore a form of packaging, and I shall proceed to examine how to package myself in order to sell myself off to the panel of interviewers. I googled "about myself" and I came across this blog where the author wrote this list called "50 things I like about myself", claiming this a good exercise to get to know thyself, so I think I shall try.
Here goes, I love the fact that:
1. I am honest and frank.
2. I am sensitive towards people's feelings
3. I have no religion, but have strong belief in myself
4. I am passionate in the things I do
5. and I do things I'm passionate about
6. I'm still closely in touch with my roots and culture while growing up in a culture melting pot.
7. I'm a mixture of culture myself
8. My interests span far and wide
9. So do my hobbies
10. I believe in "survival of the fittest"
11. I understand it as survival by adapting to changes and not by sheer strength or power
12. I am confident
13. and this confidence is built on failures and successes alike
14. I have a great sense of humour
15. sometimes with me being the joke itself
16. I am adventurous
17. I do crazy things just because I've never done it before
18. I am creative, my mind is constantly brewing crazy ideas that I sometimes scare myself
19. I cut my own hair
20. I love to think
21. and I often ask questions that seem nonsensical
22. I love to do things differently, but not for the sake of being different.
23. I am mature but innocent
24. I have learnt not to judge people or anything by their appearance
25. I think art and science are inseparable
26. I am filial to my parents, and loyal to my friends
27. I was raised in a strict and warm family
28. I love Chinese literature
29. I love to read
30. I read on a vast range of subjects
31. I am open-minded
32. I believe in "70% passion and 30% hardwork"
33. I am me
34. I love what I want to study
35. I have many dreams
36. I am still passionate about Manga and Anime
37. I have a knack at learning languages
38. I love to earn money
39. I collect different job experiences
40. I love my friends
41. and they love me
42. I have recovered from pride bruises, emerging more humble
43. I respect the elderly or anyone older than me
44. I am learning to see things in long term and in macro
45. I am fun, energetic, bubbly and caring
46. I cry when I want to
47. I prefer to finish a task without stopping
48. I see the fun side of things
49. I'm optimistic
50. I lead not by strength or power, but by understanding

steamboat!

wow, i could nv imagine myself taking up a data entry job...sighs..and i was adamantly telling my mom that i would never do an office job, while thinking i was very 有性格. but now, im here slogging away my youth picking stappler bullets and printing and scanning, and worse data entrying (which i am doing later). seriously, i am going to ruin my eyes staring at the com whole day. perhaps its this stagnant and unexciting job that really put me to start my evening jogs again, if not arh, my life will be repetive and slow-paced, the exact way that i don want it to be.
last night i dared myself to go jog around IMH, it is a nice track to jog, away from the cars and the ppl, its like an wonderful escape into the forests. well all things aren't perfect, so the blotches include crazy ppl staring at u while u run, wierd animal calls, and strange shadows. so, last night at 9pm, i tried to run around IMH, i usually dont wear specs when i run, so i was actually more-than-half-blind. i thought its gonna be nothing scary since i couldn't see, nothing can quite scare me. so i happily skipped into IMH and proceed to jog further into the darkness. i laff at my own cowardice ok, i just ran like 50m into the track i decided to turn back alr, pls its dam dark and dam scary! and the worse thing is i cant see!!!! lol, contradicting, but ya, so later i formed this deep-sounding philosophy, which is one shouldn't be scared of what one could see, but be scared of what one couldn't. makes sense rite.

yes, ok, steamboat. haha. later with SM and Char, i am skipping lunch for that heeheehee. its kind of like a last dinner before we step up to face the ominous results dropping down on Fri, last joys, at least don't die hungry haha. Side note: i like this job for the fact that I can be surfing and blogging and nobody cares hahaha, maybe tmr i can install gunbound here, lalala. so, looking forward to steamboat, today's gonna pass in a bzzzz.

then 2 days left before i face the barbaric A!!! oh dear, I just read the C blog, wow she's just damn heavy with stress, compared to her, i tink i can float above the clouds alr. seriously, i dont really feel scared, probably the mundane work helped to take my mind off that. to me, results and academic achievements are not everything, altho they do take up a big part of my life. i don't hate to study, but i don't believe in mugging, i do believe in indulging in something i am passionate about. also sometmes its not the contents of the subject that bug me, its the way we learn or the way its teached, that bug me. many times, something very interesting can become dead and dull due to the two tat i mentioned above. which leads me to think, communication studies is very important. paint a picture, look at a picture, the medium in btw is communication. w/o communication, no matter how many pictures painted, how many looks taken, nothing will get across! same with teachings and speeches, good communication delivers, captivates, enthralls, it brings out the joy in the subject. i believe in quality over quantity as well, therefore talking alot and talking little actually makes no difference, what matters is when you talk, you deliver the message and get things done.

i have 20 more minutes before i start scanning docs again. dozes off

sheesh

I was gratefully sick yesterday, so sick that I was unable to continue working, which is why I was grateful. Yes, no more selling HTC Dream!!!! Liberation! although now i have 40 bucks less for salary, but im still happy to go home halfway through the job and leave the crappy place for good.

nothing much to say about the ppl there, coz of the huge generation gap, plus they are too busy to make an impression on me. seriously, i tink the job they do is future-less. admin stuff just repeats itself forever more, and i wonder whether they get sick of it. this job just totally make me see more clearly that Admin work is never gonna like me, and vice versa. i guess their usual perks are the weirdo customers that pop in now and then, some just ask questions so laughable that you might just think that they are adorable. for example, this lady asked "i have a line at m1, i want to port my number over to singtel, will singtel pay the penalty for me?"
u say leh??? isnt it like eating wanton-mee halfway want to eat fishball-mee, ask the fishball-mee store uncle help you pay for ur wanton-mee???? sooo...

yes, i was sick halfway, so i went home, marking the end of me HTC Dream promoter job, with pleasure. eck, next time, im seriously gonna find a sitting job, damn.

if you ask me, whether selling the phone makes me wanna buy it, it is NO, big bloody NO. why, you ask. Because, I sold it, sold it to the point that I know every bad thing about it. so actually I lie most of the time if ppl ask me if the phone is good anot. lala, in the end they all still bought it, which 2 weeks later sure go and sell.

ok, not to make the phone sound really that bad, it does have praise-able things like um...lemme tink...toy-like design? well, it sure looks more friendly and less scary to use, i'm sure the kids are gonna like it. By "kids", i mean real kids, like those who only know 300 words in total. now it seems, nothing is worth praising about this phone. seems like it loses to iphone in every way possible. and in the shop, they have to put them side-by-side, which i dun understand because whats the use of me promoting when u deliberately make the phone seem less worth buying. i guess they just like to make promoter's lives difficult.

i have to mention, out of the so many weird customers, there's one super creeeeepy man who is just the embodiment of the word "creepy" in all. apparently he did not just appear out of the blue, he has a bright history of going to the shop since way back. guess what he does in the shop??? he uses the bloody live phones to watch youtube PORN! yuck! and he watches for damn bloody long time!!!! how loserish can he get??? i have no comments to porn, or watching porn, but at least do it in private rite??? is the video itself just not exciting enough??? yux......what a twisted loser. now he's rightfully on red alert, cant even step into the shop alr. good god, i did not have any physical contact with him, i must pray and kowtow many times.

aiya, so i was sick, really very sick, for someone so healthy as me, a little bit of sickness is more that i can handle. ok...so i got home really sick and tired and unwilling to move or talk, i had to go see a bloody doctor. why bloody? coz she made me look like a whining baby because she told me that i am bloody not sick, not having a temperature, just abit of sore throat. does she ever know how much more difficult her words made it for me to convince my parents that i am sick??? they refuse to believe that i was unwell and i have to vaccuum and mop and do all sorts of housework just because i am not sick. is the doctor not bloody or not. damn

ok...so now i am free again...i can laze around till the big A land on my head next week. wow i can hardly imagine how its gonna be like....

i am damn irritated.........

i am fucking tired and its been a million years since i last touched my com, and I bloody took 1 hour to fix the connection, so I am rightfully very pissed...!!!
on my way home,i had mentally wrote smth to blog here, which i am very pissed rite now, so the mental post will be smeared with my pissed-ness for no reason just because i am pissed. bite me

anw...its smth to do with religion. ok thr's this part-time girl whom i made frenz with at the singtel shop, she sells broadband and mio btw, we were on the same bus home today, and we chanced to talk abt religion. so...having no good impression abt christianity due to my first and last visit to a church 2 years back...i listened to her in skeptism. hoping that she will not try to convert me, i tried to understand the underlying belief they have for their God...which i failed and so still cannot understand. in the end, she still tried to convert me tho subtlely, by telling me that if i don't believe in their God, i will go to hell. i took it matter of factly, that after i die, i am heading straight to hell, and was actually fine with it. but her persistent 'threats' just went on my nerves which include telling me i will be burnt in hell...blah blah blah..i went on to say...'fine, burn me, thn u all can eat barbequed-me'

ok, with no disrepect whatsoever for the said religion, i can say that i don't mind going to hell after i die. i assume i will be void of feelings and senses after i die, so go on and burn me, still i wont feel a thing rite, so why should i be scared to be burnt. quoting my fren that Christians believe that they have sinned in their lives, and therefore they go to heaven, and non-believers like me will just rocket straight to hell. so, logically, i don't really mind going to hell. here's why:

by assuming, every believer loves to convert whoever non-believer they meet, the no. of believers, hence future-heaven-dwellers will increase exponentially. assuming again that heaven is sacred, precious, hence in high demand-for but in pitifully low supply, meaning the step to entering is raised very very high, or in other words, no. of seats in the heaven constituency is highly limited. in economics term, there is a deficit or short supply of space. in other words, heaven, or the road to heaven, will be horribly crowded. for sheer space, i rather go to hell.

in reality, when many walk on a narrow path, there's bound to be pushing and shuffling. raising the severity of it, there will be scheming, sabotaging, backstabbing...bla bla bla... haven't we have enough of that when alive?? for the fear of going through all that agn in the afterlife, i rather go to hell.

ok. so what happens when you do get into the prestigious heaven?
do you become an angel? or start another "life", going through school, work, and marriage agn??
assuming everyone enters, and become angels, in RPG lingo, a newb...if not kill monsters, thn you must at least do smth to level up, and choose your job at certain levels. don't tell me you idle around floating on clouds and do nothing. if that's really the case, i rather die totally and not have enough souls left for idling in eternity. anw, so starting life agn in heaven must be somehow more appealing than life on earth, otherwise there's no draw to it any greater than going to hell. but being a soul, in spirit form, i cant quite imagine there being any joy to be senseless and formless, other than u get blown here and there by the wind, all physical attacks will pass right through u and vice versa....not very enjoyable in my view. maybe it's the urban myths and legends that fabricated all these in my minds, i am totally clueless to whatever happens in heaven...i m totally suspicious that what the believers believe in heaven is really true........turn out, im just skeptical about everything, coz i am fucking pissed.

should i go disclaim the fact that everything i wrote was not meant as any attack, ridicule or defaming for any said religion? fact is, no sane believers read my blog, so i wont bother to anyway.

bloody....my legs are freaking killing me. and i dono, what exactly am i irritated at. baaahzzzz........i wanna punch something real badly...

jobbing

Working right now, as u can see I'm bored

LOVE LOVE MY DARLINGS

This song is by my beloved TVXQ, called WRONG NUMBER. I should sing this to a certain someone. lalala

New experiences

So today, I had two new experiences. One, Slimming treatment, focusing on me thighs. Two, new product briefing, which is a new phone that is about to launch in 2 days.

First lemme recount my slimming experience.
Yes, I do love to be served and pampered and taken care of down to the finest detail.
Although now I have to say there is one added person other than myself, to meet my lower half, it was quite worth it, at least now I wont get all jittery come my wedding night. I had to change into disposable panties coz my area of choice to slim is the thighs,and the stuff they are gonna apply there might dirty my panties, so I have to wear the paper one...which they should improve by making it an opaque panty...yes...
and after that, we were very well taken care of. Lying on the two beds, me friend and I, sort of resembling squares of meat being marinated on cooking boards, were firstly scrubbed(thighs only)to remove dead skin and the such,during which we laughed uncontrollably coz you know, the inner thighs are not just sensitive, they are VERY SENSITIVE! Lols...even thinking of it now makes me wanna laugh. So after scrubbing, we begin treatment, which comprises of 3 steps. The first n second steps are interchangeable, coz there's only one machine for each step and there's two of us, so we mus SHARE. Anyway, for me, it was the weird "Kissing" machine that went first. I couldn't see how it looked like for I was impaired w/o my specs, and my eyes were covered. So from my senses, its sort of like a suction thing, whereby the lady runs it over my thighs for some length before it ends with a sucking sound that sounds like a smacking kiss. Alls cool when she was at my outer thighs, it's the inner thighs that gives me the problems and the laughs. Try imagine someone kissing you hard on the inner thighs, won't you get excited? I am not trying to be sick...this is exactly what happened.

Ok, second step, some vibrating thing, feels great on the outer thighs but sort of painful towards the inner. I try very hard not to think anything when we were at it, for reasons too embarrassing to spell out. yup and we were through, down to the last part, which I skillfully described it as YUAN YANG JI (couple chicken), name after some dish, coz we both were wrapped up in plastic foil, and were told to lay there to cook...yes cook...(no "cook" is my word, but it basically translates into that).
half an hour, we are ready to be served!
We took turns to shower, but before that we were draped in expensive-looking robes, which makes me feel like holding a glass of wine or a stick of cigarette in my hands, just so to look really like some bad woman after having an affair.
After shower, we took measurements, and my thighs actually did slim down, 3 cm difference just after one session. I would definitely do it again, when I have the money.
Once again, I like to be served and pampered like I'm the jewel of the world, lalala.

new experience no. 2
there isn't much to be said about this, as I am not supposed to be talking about it, coz it's not launched yet, and Singtel wants it to be a surprise. So all I can say is that this new phone is going to beat Iphone face down, and I hope all the iPhone users cry at the sight this new phone. Ok, just that the look of the phone not as sleek and sexy, but trust me there are way more gold to be digged beneath the humble surface.

additionally, new experience yesterday, threading!
sux, damn painful, now my face feels bare and susceptible to cold attacks, and my eyebrows look not much a difference. but i can't complain coz the service was totally free. I just hope my feedback won't land the poor girl in trouble.

I've picked up BLEACH once again, and I've just got to say that I love the characters SOO SOO Much!!

Working is immensely fun and memorable!

Yes, again I did roadshow for Singtel, and this time it was at NTU. Omg,how freaking far! yes, if i total up the time i spent travelling the past two days, it adds up to a proper working day! bloody 8 hrs! omg!

well, I didn't have a good impression of NTU the last time I went there, which was for the Manga Competition INK'07. Then, i went into the School of Arts building, it was just empty...and the whole feeling I had for NTU was......EMPTY! well the reason being I went there on a sunday...probably explains why.

This time, it was very much different! The roadshow was located outside this Lecture Theatre, which I heard not many people attend the lectures, but was proved otherwise as time to time people pour out of the doors in the hundreds. the whole place was actually sort of a gathering place, with fast foods and foot courts and a library. It was actually very intriguing to be there in presence..it kinda feels like a poly. so in the mornings i will blend in and pretend to be a fellow uni student, and fraala emerge otherwise in my red, "UNLIMITED SMS AND CAMPUS CALL" t-shirt, as a SIngtel promoter.

Luckily this time round, i don't have to distribute flyers, I only have to stand around and promote, which in other words means slack. it so happens Singtel really likes to pay us to slack around, coz apparently the small little place can do with a few people enough, we are just over-earning for wad little work we do. So we made use of our time to mingle around. most of the fellow promoters come from Republic Poly, it so happens they are having holiday alr...ya, so among the 5 promoters, 3 are RPs, 1 NTU, and 1 me. ok...bitching time....I am openly saying this, I CANNOT STAND THE NTU GUY FOR NUTS!!!! He reminds me of the sick pervert many years back. OMG, I cant begin to describe his grossity!

one, he likes to show me his BUTT!!! I was resting at the side, sitting on the floor, eating my ice cream, and he who was not having break, kept walking infront of me! Trust me I am not being over-suspicious. He happily stops right in front of me, with his ass right infront of my eye, and stays there for a million years! not just one time, MANY FREAKING TIMES!

two, he is plain disgusting. lemme recount:
1. he purposely burped AT me 3 fucking times;
2. at one point of time he stood so CLOSE to me, I had a feeling he was smelling my hair (omg this just creeps the hell out of me);
3. he keeps looking at me, and follows me around
4. he cuts into our healthy and meaningful conversations, and start talking about how much he'd like to shit
5. we were discussing about "wiping off" makeup, he popped up and start talking about "wiping off" his butt
6. he is God's piece of failure
7. he has a pasable-looking, but irritating gf
8. he tinks he is damn handsome, and he tinks that i like him (OMG! HELL NO!)

which is why, us girls were saying "ppl like him force us girls to become lesbians"

ok, that is the dirty spot on my fun-filled 2 days' work.
other than him, the others were great peopls with great personalities and great real funny stories. I made friends with all of them and there was one I really like alot! He is bloody funny!!!! We talked about all sorts of things, and one point in time, we were looking for hot girls together. in all failed attempts to locate one in NTU, we turned to help - Iphone, where I searched "hot girls" in youtube, and wow, i scroll down to see "lesbian porn" on the title. I "yux" loudly and attempted to close, lol, when he got "excited"...hahaha...and we were fighting over the phone and me insisting that he is "EXCITED" and wants to watch the video. lol such fun. yes, i have found a fren whom i can happily SUAN and he will happily SUAN me back, I love frenz like this, non-stop competition.

ya, ok, there were another 2 girls, whom both I liked alot. They are very special people with qualities easy to remember. One of them is very much like me, boyish and straightforward and full of fun! we clicked great, and were soon talking about how hot the guys are from our CCAs. not the usual kind of girls talking abt guys, we went about in an anatomical way, becoz we both worship smacking HotBods and Inverted Triangles. And she shared with me CHAO GAO XIAO regarding her touchy senior.

another girl, whom I love to play with, is a girl with many many names....siao...so many names! how can one respond to so many different names??? its not human.......
ok ya, she is funny, lame funny, had me laugh until i gagged for air. seriously, this is one hell of a funny and slack job!

and oso on the first day, i met this guy whose name is SHY, hahaha, who is really likable like a little brother, and who draws manga too. He gave me one of his prints and its really full of potential! I am seriously amazed. and he has sweaty palms like Gan has, he was trying to promote, while holding on to the flyer, which got wet and crumpled between his wet palms.

yes and the staff and everybody are very nice. NTU has alot of shuai guys, but very little chiobus....sadly....so my dear fren having no eyecandy had to share with me his requirments so that i can help him spot. and he, same as me, look at height before all else. NO, this is not shallow. before you consider the persons personality and blah blah blah, the physical appearance must at least pass the set standard, this is done unknowingly coz you size up a person without even knowing that you are doing so. So, those ppl who retorted my reply last time can just slap themselves.

yes, i miss my new frenz alr. I am going to KIT with them all, and ya, hopefully we meet agn soon.

hahaha this is so cute!

American Idol shwoopies!!!!

Yes AI just totally made my day, it never fails to put a smile on my face, be it the ridiculously hilarious singers or the really really great ones whose singing gives a million goosebumps, I could forget about all the worries, all the problems while watching AI.

It really made me believe the recent revelation that is "if you've got what it takes, no one could stand in your way"--even more. I tink all intelligent TV lizards can tell at first glance who can sing and who can not, or rather who's got it and who's not. it's like immediate, from the look, the way they carry themselves...its pretty damn obvious. Yes, i know "dun judge a book by its cover"...but...how about a bad book may have a good cover, but a good book may never have a bad cover. its pretty true with ppl oso i tink, its like some ppl just don from head to toe with lovelies with lovely names but still look like a piece of shit, or maybe a processed piece of shit, but still a piece of shit nonetheless; while some can just wear a simple bland tee and simple bland bottom and woala just blows u away.... well of course there are always the lovely ppl who look even more lovely with more lovely adornments on and about them, and the helpless people who couldn't and can't afford to look any better. so regarding looks, if you've got the beauty, even rags look like gowns in your light, but if you haven't got any beauty, you'll only let the lovelies steal the light away, like "oooh she's got a diamond ring! but i wont care less for who she is, all that she is, is the diamond only."

again, this is not just about looks, looks alone are just plain superficial, looks alone can only tell ppl a tiny portion about who and what you are. in being a person, ur brought up, ur content is what you are. i have just the perfect wrong example in my house. this is one who adorns himself with brands after brands after brands, and carries ladies' handbag (or i choose to see that way). no matter how sophiscated and supposingly "hunky" he looks on the outside, on the dinning table, he eats like a beggar. i don't tink he realises this, aside from the irritation his eating habits causes to the poor fellow dinning people, it is he who ultimately looks bad. (how about the image of a bling-looking pig eating a mudpie) i know its kinda mean for me to badmouth him all the time, (if u bother, he's the raging inspiration behind all my ranting posts) but why not use it when i have such convincing and convenient example at hand. I have said "he is not part of my life", i meant to be mean but i'd find it really hurtful if someone said tt to me, i cant help it, he just brings the worst out of me.

well back the point of the post, that if you've got the 实力, you cant be stopped, in fact people will give you a helping hand, this is what AI is doing. I bet all those people who came out saying "this show sux, kissmyXXX, im nver gonna watch this show again, ibet they duno how to sing themselves" will be the ones feeding on the show for survival themselves, lala, because they want to see how others can do worse than they did so to boost their injured egos, this is very understandable, and very funny to watch. then again, even tho some of them who din got it all, they still went and gave it go, the whole courage of it is heartening. its better than ppl who know they've got what it takes but lack the courage to show it.

for now, in this dire economic situation, i am expectedly gonna dorn rags and tree leaves in the near future, so ima not going to drool after clothes and shoes and bags anymore, ima going to scorn the spoiled brats who spend their parents' hard-earned money frivolously, and ima going to invest in things with much higher marginal returns eg. myself. yep...so Happy Nu Year, and may all's ang bao not shrink and have a prosperous year ahead!

nah i dun feel like blogging actually

go visit the webpage called "cute overload", it makes u tink the world is a better place.

omg 辣。。。辣死人

My whole family is hooked on this super hot chapalang stuff we bought from this store in chinatown, we have...let's see...duck feet, duck wings, duck liver, duck heart and duck neck...yes all duck, and we love them, and we bought 重辣 for all, which is like ultimate level of 辣. I can safely eat everything except the duck feet, which is SUPER FUCKING 辣！！！I was watching my parents eat, coz i dont dare, wa then they eat until very HAPPY! So i Decided to try....and i only nibbled of one joint from the toe....my whole tongue felt like its on FIRE! wabiang, its 辣 to the max, so much that one small bit only I started tearing alr...and my Dad is still happily devouring the rest of it, and keep giving me the "OMG 好吃!" look........shit..........my threshold for 辣is nothing compared to my parents, how am I going to enjoy all the good food back in 成都 if i cannot eat 辣? it will be like going to a food expo and only able to drink tap water....so I have decided to climb the proficiency scale in 辣-eating. and so hopefully when i eventually graduate from it, i can go eat the “变态”辣味 with my parents, which is freaking popular back in 成都 now.

i am very irritated

i am getting very irritated with everything, everyone, known or not known, i am just in the mood to find fault in everything and everyone around me.

fuck, i hate to organise outings, which is irritating and disappointing, for one ppl dont return ur calls and reply ur sms, only zillion hours later they tell u they are free coz they havn got a job...and freaking the day before the outing, only after i asked, they tell me they cannot make it! will it freaking hurt to tell me a bit earlier?? har! its yux and irritating! which is anyhow ask me to organise, happily tell me will confirm turn up, thn now leave me hanging.....wabiang, very happy izzit......sux........i should happily prepare a bucket of dung to throw at ppl that irritates me.

i hate reading ppls blogs who write like they are talking to someone, with no proper substance, just boring recounts of what had happened that day, it doesnt hurt to do it once in awhile but hello, blogs are not navigation journals, not for you to record what time u wake up, what time u leave house, what time u freaking take a shit in the poohole! its irritating to read this kind of blogs. and its even more irritating to know tht ppl do actually follow this kind of blog and comment that "hey love ur blog, keep it up!" i can just show u what i ate last night here, its much more interesting. yux...hypocrites and shallow little humans...they are to be squashed out one by one like the flies in the iphone game SWAT.

then again i hate to read blogs that are censorred and muffled, such tat aft u read time n time agn, i still duno what exactly the persons talking about, most of the time is things to do wif their significant other halves. like "omg i hate myself for not being caring enough...she was sick, and i said these and that kind of stuff...yux i hate myself" yes, i hate u too! chew on ur keyboard asshole!

sheesh....i find artsy ppl irritatin as well..(im saying this coz i am irritated now)...because of the air of arrogance around many of them......its just...they purposely speak with a different slang, walk wit a different style, act in a different manner...and i suppose that makes u one of kind, and possibly artsy...
ok to be fair, there are definetly real artsy ppl that sucks ur attention dry the moment they appear, like the air suddenly smells nicer and the world less insane when they are around. to be double fair again, these are the exotic minorities who actually mastered themselves, outside this circle of perfection is a hopeless bunch of ppl too trying and too far from perfect, suck on it suckers! i wish i had a bloody camera, so that i could capture proof, and probably show the contrast btw a goddess and a goddess-wannabe-but-failed-at-it.

thn again, i must say i love the lasalle campus, its really one of a kind, even tho i cant make out the meaning behind every piece of displayed art, or the architecture itself, some innate feelings stirs at the sight of them, and the whole atmosphere was artsy and probbing. like the "black hole" which is a pond with a human statue rising out of its depth...the word "(re)production" describes it so well, with a elusive connection btw black hole n production that seems to be there, but yet so undefined.

yes, i am positive that i am gg mad for the moment,i just lately realized that the world isnt a peaceful place that it had appeared to me for the past decade, it is filled with evil and sinister motives tat haunts u when u sleep. someone who lives right next to ur room can be a total stranger and may one day just rob u naked. sometimes i hate to see the underside of human nature, the vanity that keeps the financially crippled to keep scouring for branded materials, to satisfy that gapping whole of insecurity within by keeping up a bright appearance...stupid and disgusting. why the hell make urself so miserable in order to keep up the facade while inside u are just an insecure asshole who could still turn back if u just listened. but no, u chose to scorn n ignore words of kindness and wisdom, and so it is expected that one day u will end up with nothing.

as an example of irritating bloggers, this is what they do at the end of their posts. "ok, i tink i am very sleepy now, so i shall stop writing here k? goodnite everybody, i love you all very much! and she turns and goes to sleep. xoxo. love ya. muacks...." irritating or not?