My Sweet Transvestite

Went to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show with Yijun just now. I feel surreal now, like can't remember whether I really did watch it. Probably cause my second best seats were in the second level, the stage was far away. Should totally get first level front seats so can interact with the characters, it was damn funny. Oh well, no complains, it was a good musical, anyway, and I had a great time. The cast really look like nothing down-stage, like normal, and the main tranny was a huge muscular man, just cannot make the link. will watch it again when chance comes. apparently people watch it over and over again, and do things like flashing their torchlights during the song (something about lights), and people throw toilet paper up onto the stage, just that it wasn't like everybody doing it, only a couple, would have been awesome if I could throw something too, but I was too far. great show great show

MIDRIFT

i am going to die of embarrassment because I have to bare my pale fat stomach to the whole world for DP, with fluttering thighs thrown in along. god help me, gimme amazing abs in 2 months, and resilience against attacks of the taiwan.

going to taiwan in counting just 5 days! omg, i am numbed with excitement. I feel like one million things, i feel like a bottle of half-drunk yoghurt smoothie. aha. bet u cant understand that. my intellectual exceeds u beyond longing reach.

back home aft one week of hall, ha, the recharge centre, except for constant drum of pessimistic grandmother talk, i love home. cant imagine if i cant get NOC next yr and not staying in hall no more, my life will be devoted to the singapore transport system. no f u, no.

im sorry this is an aimless post, because my brain is in a hunger spree, from starving myself, no lunch but yoghurt smoothies. fml. well in exchange for the meat sale, i get to keep the sponsored chio white LOJEL luggage. im easily bought i realized.

i look like a retard while dancing

I am obsessed with the dance prac videos, I review them like a hundred million times and I ridicule myself each and everytime. ok, sometimes I smug a little when I did smth when I thought I couldn't do. BUT, largely, most of the time, I look retarded, mother shit, I am pissed with myself. I neeeed to lose weight, wtf, fat shit, I look like double everybody else's size, and I move SLOWWWWW, omg, feel like slapping myself into shape and slapping myself into quick movements. Rarr, pissed with myself.

1/1/2011

ahh how nice, the first day of 2011. I totally don't feel anything different. Fireworks last night was awesome, love fireworks, so visually stunning. I am a visual person btw. and JESS, we survived the test, and onward to TAIWAN!!!

ahh, i am not trying to be racist, but waking to malay tunes at a malay wedding down at the voideck, not necessary the most poetic thing to start off the year, and listening to it the whole day is increasingly annoying. I wonder whether any concern for the community is there when they hold their wedding. Not trying to dampen their spirits or anything, but its just noisy.

anyway, been reading the book Wild Swans by Doctor Jung Chang, made me think alot differently about my parents, and myself, and ultimately my country. I am indeed lucky to be born after the terrifying years of internal struggle, of famine, of Cultural Revolution, of the personality cult of Mao ZeDong. Several times I was brought to tears by the images the book presented, about how far humanity was stretched in times of total obscenity. How Mao had manipulated the people for the worst just to remain in control. I wonder whether he ever regretted his decisions, because being a man in power, his one word could have repercussions so farreaching, even I, not born in his time of power, lived under his influence and had my life lived directly in reaction to him. The fact that I have no siblings is because of him, the fact that I am in a foreign is again because of him, the fact that I look back to a painful past in my country is also very much because of him. Once again, it is ultimately annoying when u can't hate someone completely and indignantly, despite his wrongs, he had his rights that were equally undeniable. It's hard to find an equilibrium for the feelings I have about him.

Not given a choice actually, we all who were born in China have to carry the consequences of choices made before us.