i look like a retard while dancing

I am obsessed with the dance prac videos, I review them like a hundred million times and I ridicule myself each and everytime. ok, sometimes I smug a little when I did smth when I thought I couldn't do. BUT, largely, most of the time, I look retarded, mother shit, I am pissed with myself. I neeeed to lose weight, wtf, fat shit, I look like double everybody else's size, and I move SLOWWWWW, omg, feel like slapping myself into shape and slapping myself into quick movements. Rarr, pissed with myself.