我又梦到我爸了。 梦到他没事老躲着我，我天涯海角地寻他。 找到他后，他却不理我，老想要抽离，追求他的解脱。 醒来后，又得从新接受他已不在人世的事实。 心痛得想一直睡过去，在有爸爸的梦境里。
Monday, September 08, 2014
Tuesday, September 02, 2014
Sappy Emo Shit
Last time this year, I was a sappy emo shit crying at my desk as I was breaking up with my 3 mths "boyfriend" I met during grad trip.
This time this year, I am a sappy emo shit again because my Dad passed away and I am saving myself from more heartbreak by trying to stop this hookup with a handsame UK guy.
How frivolous did I sound like?
Never did I perceive myself this way. I am always the boring geeky me, and yet when you put those 2 sentences together, I sounded like a boob.
And here I am unable to concentrate on work because he is not responding to my withdrawal! What a total anxiety pill. ><
On one hand, I want my inner peace and I want to shield myself from more heartbreak and people coming in and leaving my life, leaving me trampled and a mess. That including my Dad, who decidedly left us, so sudden that I am still unable to grapple with the fact after a month. I want to keep away from this handsome guy that I was casually seeing because after we've hooked up, we are not talking enough and I feel like I was just an object of sex to him, and although I really liked having sex with him, it leaves me feeling empty and lonelier than anything. So I've decided to tell him, in a "weird" way, that I don't want to have this hookup anymore, because I can no longer live with 'no strings attached', I'm starting to wonder if he got what I really meant.
Sighs.
Well painful as it is, I just know that I have to do this.
I really do like him, but somehow it doesn't seem like an option to take it further...or is that because I am too cowardly?
This time this year, I am a sappy emo shit again because my Dad passed away and I am saving myself from more heartbreak by trying to stop this hookup with a handsame UK guy.
How frivolous did I sound like?
Never did I perceive myself this way. I am always the boring geeky me, and yet when you put those 2 sentences together, I sounded like a boob.
And here I am unable to concentrate on work because he is not responding to my withdrawal! What a total anxiety pill. ><
On one hand, I want my inner peace and I want to shield myself from more heartbreak and people coming in and leaving my life, leaving me trampled and a mess. That including my Dad, who decidedly left us, so sudden that I am still unable to grapple with the fact after a month. I want to keep away from this handsome guy that I was casually seeing because after we've hooked up, we are not talking enough and I feel like I was just an object of sex to him, and although I really liked having sex with him, it leaves me feeling empty and lonelier than anything. So I've decided to tell him, in a "weird" way, that I don't want to have this hookup anymore, because I can no longer live with 'no strings attached', I'm starting to wonder if he got what I really meant.
Sighs.
Well painful as it is, I just know that I have to do this.
I really do like him, but somehow it doesn't seem like an option to take it further...or is that because I am too cowardly?
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