First attempt at freelance modeling and animation

My first attempt at freelancing modelling and animation has ended prematurely. It was pretty tough but on hind sight I really learnt alot from these few days of experience.

1. The job was not a top-most priority for me. It was more of a bragging right kind of thing? Like I felt empowered to be called up to do something like this and thinking it's gonna be a breeze and a piece of cake.

Well, under ideal circumstances it would have been quite doable assuming I have everything I need at hand before I start animating. I didn't even reach the core of the job, to animate, because I spent so much time on modelling the structure and tweaking the model which became so complicated and off-the-tracks till I had no time to do the right stuffs. (Point taken and noted)

2. Also, I cannot assume that everybody else will understand what I am doing. I have to explain to them in clear laymen terms so that they can feel at ease. Them feeling at ease will equate to less stressful messages and calls, and a more comfortable working pace and mood.

Third, really need to beware of circumstances as a freelancer whereby the client can just decide not to use you and outsource the job to someone better and more efficient, and you won't get a single cent back because there's no formal agreement or contract between you. Also, this time round I did not collect a deposit, for fear that I cannot deliver the goods, but should serve as a reminder that next time when I freelance I need to collect a deposit before I start work.

3. Commitment issues. I have over-committing and under-committing issues. I spread myself out too much and cannot go deep into one area with focus. This is exactly what occurred to me repeatedly throughout my university life. More often than not, I will start off over-committing myself to a lot of activities, and gradually I will find my focus and fade out from the less important ones. While this is logically sound, it does not reflect that well on myself and also I learn less about stuffs.

4. While I angst, I should never ever ever channel it to someone innocent. If I have the time to push for blames I'd rather use that time to do better work. I felt really bad for sounding annoyed at my Dad over the phone, at the very least I could take a deep breath and explain slowly. Always understand that I can only blame myself for everything and never ever take it out on someone else, especially my parents.

5. I'm kind of glad that the hard truth of my being hit me. That I always over-value myself even though I feel that I didn't. The fact that I thought I could accomplish stuff without even trying first, is super duper uber over-my-head kind of egoistic and proud, not to say over-value myself. Which is why everytime I end under-delivering, I make excuses and bank on my use of language to tide myself through. Not saying that that is not a good skill to have, but that is not the good way out for things. Who doesn't want success? To accomplish things? to be able to show off some unique skill or prowess? One must work hard before one can make promises.

6. Need to stop being a slacker and work hard starting from now because job starts in 2 months, and I want to contribute and make friends and accomplish things in Lucasfilm. I need to be at least hardworking.

Pride much

I am literally swelling up with pride (not that kind of pride I was talking about some time back) but more of wow I didn't know I could do so much and that my skills are valued and people are willing to pay me to do what I want to do for fun!

Also a quick update, I got my job settled, going to start work on the 15th of July. I'm not sure whether it is my dream job, but it definitely is somewhat my dream company. I would be so filled with pride and enthusiasm each day going to work and I feel myself getting all excited and all and being all ready to give myself to the company.

For now I don't know what exactly I can bring to the company in terms of skills and achievements, but I know for sure this company is going to teach me so much that I will literally explode with knowledge and I hope that in the near future I am able to be really good at what I want to do which is modelling and animating, but at the same time I want to know how everything else works. Gosh, I am trembling with excitement as I write this!

And everything is going really well in my life now, I am not scared to say in fear of losing everything in an instant because they are real! Like I earned every bit of it. And my trip to tibet took a pretty unexpected turn of events but I'm glad to say its more exciting than before, for now luh. Not really sure whether it will turn out eventually but I set my mind on Tibet and I've got to go there!

I don't know what I will find there or what I am looking for in Tibet, but I just know that I have to go there this holiday and it will be a meaningful grad trip to remember. Perhaps I have always felt a lack of spiritual support/activities/knowledge that I intend to immerse myself in a "spiritual land". I know it's naive to assume and expect things when all I have done is merely google Tibet, I haven't even read a book about it yet so I have to remind myself to keep my mind open about things and soak in everything when I'm there. I will myself to write notes everyday and I've gotten my travelogue ready.

Excited much!