ZWY wth are you doing???
You are not focussed, u are procrastinating, u are everything but the thing that you want to be. Do you think that ur time is neverending? what if today's the last day u have?? what if you don't wake up tmr?? why are u wasting time doing things that don't matter? what do you want out of this life??? u have gone through qlc, and you know what you want, OBVIOUSLY, and yet, what have you done about it?? nothing?? u are a pile of useless living piece of shit. u don't push urself for anything? din u want to make tons of good friends? and what have you? playing emo and aloof in one corner waiting for people to approach you? u completely know how to go out and be yourself, and yet time and time again, u coop urself up in that useless cage and refuse to go out. what the fucking shit are u doing??? i am appalled at you, and i am angry at you. whatever u have now reflects who u are, and what u don't have u want but don't have also reflects who you are. its not about looks, not about money, not about what u wear and what u carry, it's about what you do, what you say, how you do it and how u say it. u have a conscience, and u know that whatever u are doing now, is not good for yourself. please, always be humble and proactive, that is what u should be. always...not just infront of people, always, all the time...zwy, time is not gonna wait for you...u know that and u will do that. and be that awesome person u want to be. stop stopping halfway and not finishing what u started. zwy discipline, discipline. don't make me do this again.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
ralala
i exclaim once again that time pass so freaking fast that it pisses me off. its recess week already yo, and DP is in just 2 weeks time, to think the first prac for DP was during culture night period, omg, so long ago!
I joined DU combined item, and hopefully SAD too, shall zam dance perf this sem coz next sem most likely not staying in hall anymore, so just ZAM.
dance every day nxt week, I am excited...amazingly. and I can't wait to appear on stage in my air stewardess costume, :D, midrift ftw.
need to apply internship soon.
need to study more.
what else
my grandmother is flying back soon. I totally havn't spent much time with her this time, and I am guilty of intentionally escaping from her, coz idk, sometimes she could be a little too intense, and too much sadness for me to bear i thought. but i am regretful most of the times, coz who's to say there will be a next time? emo...i want to spend my days at home suddenly...but at least she's coming to watch me perform on stage, i would give my best even if it's just to give her something to remember of me...
i feel the weight of so many things, responsibilities that fall on you, that you take up, that u unwillingly take up, that you want to throw away but cant...yadda yadda and more...I find my escapism in watching movies that once inspired me, that gives me the push to pursue my dream...such will keep me going.
everyone is going through some mindless boggling time now i feel, and such escapism as movies and dance keeps us sane...thank god for these precious times.
I joined DU combined item, and hopefully SAD too, shall zam dance perf this sem coz next sem most likely not staying in hall anymore, so just ZAM.
dance every day nxt week, I am excited...amazingly. and I can't wait to appear on stage in my air stewardess costume, :D, midrift ftw.
need to apply internship soon.
need to study more.
what else
my grandmother is flying back soon. I totally havn't spent much time with her this time, and I am guilty of intentionally escaping from her, coz idk, sometimes she could be a little too intense, and too much sadness for me to bear i thought. but i am regretful most of the times, coz who's to say there will be a next time? emo...i want to spend my days at home suddenly...but at least she's coming to watch me perform on stage, i would give my best even if it's just to give her something to remember of me...
i feel the weight of so many things, responsibilities that fall on you, that you take up, that u unwillingly take up, that you want to throw away but cant...yadda yadda and more...I find my escapism in watching movies that once inspired me, that gives me the push to pursue my dream...such will keep me going.
everyone is going through some mindless boggling time now i feel, and such escapism as movies and dance keeps us sane...thank god for these precious times.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
woosh
time flies, and its been so long since i last blogged, rocky horror show...seems like so long ago...even Taiwan seemed so long ago. seriously, life is getting on my nerves, can things ever please slow down for a sec, and lemme take it in slowly?? things change, people changed, I changed...I'm glad I've had this blog for so long, I constantly need to check back to regain myself, tell myself who I am...where my bearings are.
I wonder whether it is social pressure or what not, I suddenly feel like I want a boyfriend, like seriously want one coz I want one not because everybody else has one. I guess it's probably time, I grow up so slowly I want to slap myself. But this is genetics, my Mom and Dad are childish people even at their age, I really shouldn't be blamed.
it's hard to take in what people think of me now, some part of me wants to answer to their expectations and be what they expect me to be. I know visually I have improved somewhat and shifted mainstream, but I am still that mix of boyish and girly piece of shit I ever was. looking back, I wonder why did I take the asexual path I took years back, probably coz of rebellion, going the extreme coz parents dun want me to become a vain kid, so I just became a boy. I was suddenly reminded of sec3 pasts, about tyler, and the online friends that I got to know...just bittersweet memories of growing up...my youthful days, I now view with respect...how did I ever dared to do all those things, I have no idea...
...
i am appalled by myself...i signed up for twitter...i have no morals...
twitter turn out to be exactly what i thought it was, an eviler version of facebook, much more...it allowed me to see how bored everybd is and how much attention people need to live on...i am appalled that i broke my abstinance and i am such a loser to succumb to curiosity and equal yearn for attention.
I wonder whether it is social pressure or what not, I suddenly feel like I want a boyfriend, like seriously want one coz I want one not because everybody else has one. I guess it's probably time, I grow up so slowly I want to slap myself. But this is genetics, my Mom and Dad are childish people even at their age, I really shouldn't be blamed.
it's hard to take in what people think of me now, some part of me wants to answer to their expectations and be what they expect me to be. I know visually I have improved somewhat and shifted mainstream, but I am still that mix of boyish and girly piece of shit I ever was. looking back, I wonder why did I take the asexual path I took years back, probably coz of rebellion, going the extreme coz parents dun want me to become a vain kid, so I just became a boy. I was suddenly reminded of sec3 pasts, about tyler, and the online friends that I got to know...just bittersweet memories of growing up...my youthful days, I now view with respect...how did I ever dared to do all those things, I have no idea...
...
i am appalled by myself...i signed up for twitter...i have no morals...
twitter turn out to be exactly what i thought it was, an eviler version of facebook, much more...it allowed me to see how bored everybd is and how much attention people need to live on...i am appalled that i broke my abstinance and i am such a loser to succumb to curiosity and equal yearn for attention.
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