I feel lonely in the middle of the night, and I'm scared to fall asleep by myself, which explains the late hours, I'd rather find people to talk, go for late suppers, I just don't want to be left alone. I had always been a loner sort, but I've never been afraid to be alone so much. Sometimes my thoughts scare me, and I'm afraid to lose myself. I feel I have changed so much in just a mere few months. For one, I am definitely less happy. I have to scout for reasons to keep myself happy, I wasn't this way. I wish everything could just go back to how it used be, and I can be happy just being myself which imho is getting harder and harder to keep up. Talk about 无己。。。all i think about is myself. When there's a huge world out there, all I do is wallow in my own self-pitying thoughts. Why had I become so pathetic??? I wish this sem would go away asap, I want to start anew, I want to be ahead of my tutorials, not go to tutorials feeling emo, I want to prepare for exams not sitting for exams that I've no idea about. It's difficult on my own, but time has indeed came for me to fend for myself, to take care of myself, I could no longer rely on others making decisions for me, watching out for me. I am a short-sighted person, with little or no perseverance, when will this change? How do I become a better person?
on a happier note, today is lab quiz, not that im happy about it, just that after today, one less thing off my mind, and dinner with old friends, finally a breather outside this stressed up place.
I really want to be "逍遥快活"...more than ever.
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