Oh man, I'm feeling shitty after dance again, and I'm dreading work tomorrow.

I'M SO SO SO JEALOUS OF ALEX'S GIRLFRIEND! HMFFFFFFF!!! But can't do anything. Today Alex demo spotting, and he SPOT TMD ME, just blush and paiseh on the spot, grrrr

Mental note to keep stretching everyday and up my stamina and strength level coz really I am too nua, "like this how to audition?" wow thn u just run off halfway go holiday thn leave us to train by ourselves, I feel kinda betrayed :( but ew what can i do?? i'm gonna get better and better and better, until I am not scared anymore.

Yesterday was awesome tho, wack dance classes from 1130 all the way till 730, was not shagged, still can chiong to bugis to eat steamboat. but today is the nua, mostly coz of upset stomache and slight cramps and uurgh ill-treatment at dance.

cannot take it!! Alex is too awesome! i am friggin jealous :(:(:(

rarrr

this is frustrating

It is the recurring time of my life that I am feeling again NOT GOOD ENOUGH, for work, for dance, and for attaining inner satisfaction. I guess this is good because I want to be better now. and I did not realize that Alex has given me a platform to BE BETTER, until he scolded us, i think me especially, today. man, it still feels horrible, because I had taken for granted that he chose us, and that would mean we are good enough for his choreo, but no. he chose us because he thinks we can do it, but we must show him that we want it, I want it! I want to become a better dancer! Really. Dancing makes me feel more than I am, it takes me into realms of emotions that I in reality will not experience. I do want to do it, I really do. Despite all the setbacks, I cannot do a freaking damn turn without losing focus and falling apart. I cannot let go enough because I just can't. I quote myself "When in doubt, just whack" I must not lose faith in myself, and I must firmly believe that if I do it enough times, I will get it! When I first started dancing, I had no idea that I was entering a journey of hardship, endurance and discipline. Now I know, I am scared, but I am anything but a quitter. Come what may, I will emerge only stronger.

I refuse to go to work today because I am going to die flat and public infront of like 50 odd people of embarrassment actually. my slides are far from done omg, i am going to kill myself seriously i dun wanna go i dun wanna go i dun wanna go!