A rare photopost

A day out with my grandparents and my new grandma's daughter's friend.
It is taxing and challenging. My gosh, I feel grown-up.
I confirm don't like people to stick to me and hold-on to me. I like to swing my hands when I walk. My grandfather held my hand all the way, and at times squeezed my fingers, and did all sorts of things I would totally abhore if it were any other people. Anyhow, some pictures. I am contemplating getting a camera, my phone's 2.0megapixel just is unsatisfying.I didn't intend this to be the first photo, I just can't figure out the blogger upload thing. Anw it's my effort attempt to look girlish and sweet. Which I just end up looking like a meat loaf. Owells, my life is already good as it is, I shouldn't complain more.
Awesome photographing skills please, look how I captured the sunlight shining on them. Blissfully happy :)
The flower of the cannonball tree, looks like something out of the sea.
The black stuff in the green thing is ants.
my cute grandfather. He loves to take picture of me not looking at the camera, so I took this to make my point to him, but he seems to like this pic, so I guess I didn't make my point.
This is awesomely nice, standing within the waterfall and looking out. Pity didn't have a better camera but nvm, I need to consider the pros and cons of getting a camera.
This is called the Cannonball tree, probably because its flowers fall off the tree randomly. It is a sweet-smelling tree, and its flowers look like sea anemone, I picked one, which I put on my grandfather's shirt, natural cologne, but accidentally squashed later.
My blissfully happy grandparents :)
Fat...feeling extremely fat....

I feel exhausted...by school and family. I am the ultimate saikang warrior at home, although I don't have to wash cook mop, but I just have to do everything I am being asked to, and often it is everything. It's my Dad's way of connecting to me, coz he feels the gap between us getting bigger, so he orders me around. The gap is inevitable, because now I have other things to buzz about, and I have no time for him, he probably is afraid that one day I'd leave him. But calling me and demanding me to do this and that and telling me that it's my duty just pisses me off. I'd choose to think it's my problem, because I'm not that tenacious enough to be balancing so many things on my libra. I think I'm entering the phase where blissful slacking is a luxury and I would be asking myself "What have I forgotten to do?" when I actually find time to not do anything. I don't want my life to be like this...I want to live my life the fantasical way...sighz.

Anyhow, today was pretty ok, except I could have finished my readings instead of running around singapore. BUt then again, anything to do with my grandparents come first ahead of everything, because my grandfather is 80, and the next time I see him he probably won't remember me, I must treasure all time I have with him, and no complaints! My midterms I will still own them like anything because I said I will.

Funny thing I remember about today:

why Singapore's soldiers must go Tw and thailand to train. Because in singapore, their cannons can easily accidentally shoot out of country. aha.

Chingay Heartland Show

Last night was Chingay Heartland Show at Tampines.
I stood on the float and paraded around Tamp. It was quite an experience, quite contrary to what I expected.
First to note is that, once again im made to believe, nothing is easy, even standing on the float, smile and waving your hand. Its not easy. After the whole thing, my left hand want to quit on me, my cheeks are set in the smiling position, and my yao just want to duan. And I realized, initially I waved enthusiastically like how I would wave everyday, the spastic shaking of the wrists and wide sprawled fingers, after awhile it will automatically become the gracefully rotating of the wrist and closed up fingers, that the queen taught in the Princess Diaries. The reason behind that is not to appear refined and graceful, its to conserve energy. Really.
Secondly, I love small kids! They are soo gullible and cute! The small girls look at me with awe in their eyes, I was super amused and euphoric on adolescent admiration. Some asked me "Jiejie, are u a fairy?" ahahahahaha. I am I am. 200% fairylic. Except one rude little boy who shouted "Oi You think u very good arh" when our float drove past. Actually ya, I think I'm very good and you little boy will grow up deformed and impotent.
The fun part of the parade was actually when the float went past unpopulated roads and the driver sped up, I stood and sit at the edge of the float and enjoyed the wind on my face. We had no safety belts or anything to secure ourselves to the float, the danger of falling off and the proximity of the running ground below somewhat excites me. Images of train-jumping heroics flashed before me, and I almost was tempted to imitate. Why did I not do it? Anyhow, sitting on the edge and swinging my legs was an experience not to be exchanged for anything.
Last thing to mention was, my face was documented in countless digital photos (none mine), well, it's a nice thing to know. A mini semi-5-minutes-of-fame, even though they don't know who I am, I hope they remember me as "the Fairy" ahaha, let me shuang abit.
Lastly lastly, one of the people who requested to take photo with us was a major MO-BENG MOLESTFUL LOSER!!! Before he poses, he will specially request us to put our hands on our waist (like a teapot handle), THEN he will grab our waists through the opening, and inch UPWARDS!!! STUPID MOBENG!!! AND THEN HE WILL SQUEEZE OUR WAISTS! OMGGGGG........OMG.........OMG........stupid mobeng, I hope ur face explodes.

I came home this morning, totally just kao bei my cousin, straight in the face. Nah, I know he is pitiful somewhat, but it is he who requested to not be pitied, so I think I am respecting him by not pitying him at all. I know he tells my Dad and my grandparents that he thinks i'm "still young" and he is "too cultured/insert nice word" to be calculative with me. Screw you! If that's what you think, I will just be the ultimate jerk I need be.

I know relationships need time and effort, just like grooming your plant. So far, this one with my cousin is like weed, I see no blooming in the near future, I am not powerful enough to exterminate it either, it's just there to irritate me, fml. Oh wells, I guess I would have to be grateful for him to set a benchmark as low as that, which will make me appreciate whatever other awful people I come into contact with seem like pure lovely people.

bad day bad mood

Today began as any other day. Except for a few things that spoiled my zest.
1) Ace died. I mourn deeply.
2) I screwed up my sit-in-lab 2, totally dunno how to do and totally cannot concentrate due to 1)
3) the pissedfulness is just there, brought forward or not, but im just pissed.

I have decided to go home and sadly give wendy's bday celebration a miss. I do not want to screw my day up even further, to be honest.I dun blame anybody, it's just not within my control to behave normally around certain group of people.

ACE YOU CANNOT DIEEEE

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ACEEEEEEEEE
WHY
WHY HWY WHYE ALSDFKJDL JDLKF
AAHHHHHHH!!!!
I HATE AKAINU I HATE AKAINU I HATE AKAINU!!!!
I HATE BLACK BEARD I HATE BLACK BEARD I HATE BLACK BEARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT ACE AND WHITE BEARD BACK :'(

One Piece :)))

I wonder if anyone would ever make One Piece a studying text, would I still love it as much?
To study it would mean closely and SYSTEMATICALLY examine the strokes, the style, the combination of words and pictures, will that screw up the most powerful manga of all times just like it screw up for everything else? If I had to remember every other line, every appearing character, every event...I might go loony.
How I wish that the world created in One Piece is real, I yearn so much that I find real world pirates fascinating, because they are the next best most similar people around. I wonder how their lives are like. Do they still use cannons. Are they as evil as they seem on the news? I'd love to see that. Or maybe join them. I swear I must leave Singapore the minute I graduate. For good? Dunno. But it will be a long time before I come back here.
yesterday I had the worst mood swing ever I could get. I dunno why I was so moody, but the mood just settles in and refused to leave. I just can't get excited at whatever is happening around me. I wish I could just sleep away. I would if I don't have a bastard econs tutorial at 10.
my studies have begun to slack down just like last sem I realised, need to buck up, I want that cap 5.0 confirm.
I hate the mundane routine school life. I want adventures. I want to fall into the rabbit hole and immerse in fantasy.
One Piece will salvage me for now. Hope that it never ends. never ever.

I have 4 midterms in two consecutive days!
Perfect!
Lalalala.
Witness my death ppl!

虎年快乐!

我特别喜欢中国风的歌曲。配搭背景古色古香的变换，把人带入中国古代的壮阔和魅力。
这首词《龙文》，简述了中华5000年来的历史、创作、流传。
告诉我，如此美丽，怎能不让人着迷？

suck suck

Revelations!
I feel damn gao wei now.
totally damn humiliated by my past.
why the fuck did I do what I did?
was I freaking blind???

attachment

i wonder whether will I ever feel strong attachment to something, somewhere, someone, or somewhat.
I don't like the feeling of detachment.

I just had the best dream ever

Sidenote, the previous post seem so loserish! It's really different to see things in different moods. I'm feeling excited now cuz I totally had an awesome fantasy dream just now.

I bet if it was made into a movie, it will make avatar decolour.
It's a motion picture viewed from my kitchen window. I wasn't doing anything but perching at the window when all of a sudden the night sky turned aura-fully purple, the full moon disappeared only to be replaced by 12 odd looking glowing things. My HDb block is thn flooded with black water from first level up to the third. The sight tt I could not forget is one that hundreds of deitys were walking on The black water chasing after huge monstrous fishes surfacing from the depth of the water. It is one devilishly beautiful scene.

Soon after I heard screams coming from the flats. It appears that there were evil things apparating everywhere. I rmb exclaiming to myself that wow it's like union appearance of all the evil characters of every movie, except tt I can't b exactly which I saw. Horrible things were happening. Kids were being tossed out of their windows and mutilated imaginatively. Oddly nothing happened to me as I stand watching in horror. The atrocity escalated and lives were being played around like nobodies business. I felt devastation as I could in real life. Eventually the purple sky subsided and the huge full moon emerged triumphantly, the evil beings disappeared leaving no trails behind except for the ringing of their evil laughter. It was like a recess period for them before they had to go back to where they came from.

Just as I was wondering why only the bad n evil characters came, the heroes came. Although I dunno why they came because the bad guys were already gone. I guess my dream wants to be complete in some ways. Anyhow the heroes came, some even joined me in the shower, lololol. Anyhow I rmb I was pushed through this neonish machine that melts these thick ropes such that when I pass through the melted things wrap around my body like a tight suit, there and then I transformed and became a hero. After which nothing much except I parolled and showed off my suit and sowed seeds that is part of my heroic abilities.

Yup, awesome dream. I can't help but wonder why the evil parts are more elaborate than the good ones. Maybe I am secretly dark and evil and is the incarnation of some evil king of some sort. Somehow this thought is not unappealing at all.

Reconcile

I'm not exactly sure what Reconcile means, I just have the feeling that it's somewhat relevant to how I am feeling now. Now in the limited comfort the sofa can offer.
Everytime my grandparents and my parents talk to me about my childhood memories, I feel so proud, I was the embodiment of what I want to bewhen I was young. I was adventurous, bold and unafraid. I realized my fear for social activities was more innate than I thought because as a kid I disliked big groups of unfamiliar people even though they were kids like myself. But at other points where I'm not socially handicapped I'm quite a friendly entertainer who loved others to take a piece of her joy. I was really what I want to be now.
Evaluating who I am now, I impress myself less than I did when I was a kid. I am more fearful towards things unknown and I am less determined. Albeit I'm still as socially handicapped as ever, if not more.
Recently I find it hard to accept my shortcomings I don't know why. I always subconsciously try to impress people with my nonchalance or random spontaneity. As fake as I hate to be.

Raa

I boiled boiling water just now.
I am partially scalded by boiled boiling water.
I am feeling ambivalent now, coz its amazing that boiling water can be further boiled and that I am utterly stupid.
Anyhow I had really storilistic dreams last night, more like this morning coz I just woke up. Its totally about uni life as how I saw it before I came to uni myself. It was more scandalous than I thought I thought. Yet now my life is clean as a sheet of printing paper. Not sure whether I should complain, but I really find this more or less boring. I need excitement in my life...
chingay =/ to excitement, fyi. it is a evil monster which eats up all my family time and makes me feel horribly guilty towards my parents.
My dad is getting a new TV, finally, I bet his wrapping his jumping-joys up with fake sorrow just so that my mom wont explode. Haha. But he wants me to go shop with him, and today is his freeday, yet Im not. I yearn to spend quality time together with my family because I know, it will be harder to come by in the future. sad face.
Anyhow.
I went to the Personal Growth Group on thursday. It was very surprising. I got to know myself better. I realised I appear to be someone who don't care about other's opinions, but in actual fact, I care about more than anybody. I live on the appraisals (partly) from others, which is a bad thing. I need to stem my confidence and self-esteem from within myself. I need to love myself, and just saying it wont make it real. I need to be the person I can love.

I wonder

Why is the world so image driven?
Why do everybody yearn to LOOK good?
Why do all the GOOD-LOOKING people get all the attention?
If we were to evolve so much that our eyes disappear, what will happen?
Anyhow, I really need something that can define myself.
Like you know, Fabregas - the footballer, TVXQ - the korean boy band yadda yadda.
What will follow : Wan Yi - .........?
QLC totally man.

I want to dieeee

mind gruelling mind gruelling!!!!!!!!!!!!!