i am totally speechless

my mom's perserverence scares me...i get it this is her way of trying to help me by introducing guys to me, which is imho pretty cute of her...but im only doing it for her, and it is dramatically irritating. i mean this is totally ridiculous la, sian

horribly bu shuang

rarr. i feel so screwed up! now i need people and things to always occupy me so that my thoughts won't run wild. this is intolerable! horrible kns shit.

anw...played bejewelled for past hour with jess and joe in the lounge, and i feel it's ultimately the most dumb and funny thing to do to preoccupy myself. i am turning to all sorts of means man. and this is bad.....

My eventfully unlucky week of constant irritation.

The past week was a hell of a bundle of irritation. To recount, nah, it's not very nice to recall, just one teeny mention of the most stupidiest thing I have so far done in my life...
LEAVING MY FUCKING DOOR OPEN AND HAVE MY FUCKING LAPTOP STOLEN.

That about sums up my screwalty, and horribility of the week.
Horrendously, I had to go through interrogation and the shit, which are all imho useless waste of time, but I had to do coz it's sort of standard procedure, and also because I had no idea what else to do.

Anyhow, I bought a replacement today, totally the same model except it's white, i felt so stupid when i was telling the sales person who sold me the previous laptop and who sold me this new one altogether. It's like replay of the day about two months ago, just that this time i went alone. and that this time, the other sales made fun of me. >< dulan ttm.

and many thanks for ShiQi who came down to company me, it was really nice to meet up with old friends, and it helps to take my mind off everything for awhile, it was so nice, i was reluctant to return home. and now back to reality, i must start mugging coz i dun want to be doing nothing when i'm sitting for exams.

another fml thing, my retarded cousin is back...and he is still as retarded as ever. I hope he die of retardedness.

on a happier note, i think my white laptop is pretty :)

Fail...

epic fail, took the longest possible irritating ttm route to come to hall today. and its freaking irritating coz i've got nobody to blame but myself, which i can't bring myself to because i'm me.

anw...i missed my stop on bus 143 and when i realized it i was somewhr heading towards west coast park. i promptly got down and crossed the street to take a bus back. and promptly again this bus 189 came and i reckoned that it will take me back to heng mui keng terrace. when i board the bus i even asked the uncle whether the bus will go to "kent ridge hall"? the uncle gave me a blur look and a little nod, i reckon he heard the word kent ridge and maybe it rang a bell.

and it did ring a bell, but a totally different one, coz in the end the bus went to bloody kent ridge terminal, stupid uncle and stupid me coz i should have asked "heng mui keng?" instead of "kent ridge hall".

i sat at the bus terminal for like 20 min waiting for a bus 10 to start and to all hopes lost it never came and i nvr got to see whether one came coz i had the sudden urgent urge to shit. lucky enough i know there lies AS7 just behind the kent ridge terminal so i followed my ultra good instincts which led me to a toilet just in time.
and why the sudden urge? it was due to the steamboat i had before this evening, it was at this newly opened steamboat place near chinatown mrt, it was ALRIGHT, just plain janely ALRIGHT, wouldn't go back there for a second time coz it has no special draw.

ok after my toilet trip, i ended up at the bus stop outside AS7 where i usually have my CH2252 lecture, wanted to wait for a shuttle bus that would get me back to hall, coz i have tons of barang barang i have to lug back with my two frail arms. if not i would have happily walked back.

which end up i still walked back, and lugging my whole house with me. the road was horrendously long, and when i reached kr, i am sure i have broken something within me, a rib or two maybe.

sian!!!
and i am again very pissed coz tmr is monday.
i spat on Mondays
and bloody noisy neighbours.

I value my friendships

I am really very grateful for the cake! Many thanks to my lovely friend!
and many yeses to our eight(are you sure eight?) years of friendship and still counting. My best wishes to you too! And once again THANKS ALOT! :)

i freaking passed my sit-in-lab!!!

i freaking passed my sit-in-Lab 1!!!!!
even tho is a freaking 56/100, but i passed it! im a freaking genius!!!

right..

putting my retainers in hot water was a bad idea. i'm not sure whether it did what i intended it to do which is kill germs, but what came to me was not very nice, first it shrank, second it cracked. awed. maybe my material science major friend could help me explain this. :)

i observe that i only blog when im pissed, or confused.
yup im confused.
if i am to have a PhD, will I go ahead to be whatever that's fitting to my title, or will I maybe pursue a totally different path?
for one thing, I will most probably not be a professor, unless i do research which is another thing. imho, professors are the highest paying slackest jobs. i dun wanna boring job no matter how high paying it is.

i have just arrived at a conclusion to that bugger question i have been thinking about.
why am i here?
for one thing, I don't believe that uni is the only way to go. it is in my opinion, a easy way to go, for people who have no fucking idea what they want to do in life.
i have zero threshold for ppl who choose to study courses like Accountancy, even more if it's because it is a "zero risk" occupation. unless u are genuinely into accountancy, i have nothing to say.
"zero risk"? you can bloody go kiss my toilet bowl.

why am i here?
i am here to find out what exactly do i want.
i am the kind of person who will do things for the sake of i haven't done it before (certain things out of the question). a PhD should be the ticket that can get me everywhere, it shouldn't be the limiting reagent.

although actually i think money is thee ultimately most important ticket that can get me everything i want.

okay, second thing i want, money.

with money, it's not about branded apparels, branded cars, branded whores. it's about going to places, seeing things. i want that, desperately.

concrete plan? kiss my bloody toilet bowl again.
dun have.
and i'm sure by sitting on it, it will open up to me one day.
anyhow, i should begin with saving and investment.
as much as i hate to study such things, i might just do so. awed.

independence. once im financially independent, my destiny will begin.
for now,
observe and learn.
and kaobeh as many dumb shits as possible.
tell me "zero risk" one more time, i make you risk everything you've got.

zero risk...

and i am pissed by egoistic ppl who should slap themselves silly.
and i am pissed coz i gonna wake up to a monday. fuck.

dum dee dum

wow i feel that my life is in a whirlpool and im just cruising along. why am i doing what i am doing??
do i really want a university cert?
do i really want to be this person i am going to be??

anw...darn my recess week is over! and i have Lab3 to submit tomorrow and my tutor just requested me to redo my sit-in-lab all over again!~ FML~~
even with all these things piling up, i am here nua-ing like it doesn't matter.

yadda doom dee dumm yadda doom doom dum yadda yadda yadda

i am lost and dunno whr im ggoing

as i was saying, i am absolutely lost and dont know where i am going. I have lost focus and have lost perserverence. i begin to question what I want in life, and I begin to question myself, who am I? The point of me existing is elusive and I basically have no idea what I want from life, and what I want from me.

religions are the last thing i will turn to, so for now, let me draw something out for me, and in the mean time, i should wander around and explore.

screwed up shit

it seems when the mood is not right, anything can go wrong. as much as I want to do well for my interview, my sianness just take over all of it and poof, went my interview and my first impression. I hate the "about me" question TTM! I should totally write one essay about how ppl shouldn't ask the "about me" qn during interviews coz it is insincere ttm. walao sian sian sian.

fuck this complicated world, angsty ttm

actually i'm quite grateful towards danny for telling me those things, and I do feel rather blessed to not have gotten any of that kind of thing happen to me, even though I did have my fair share of youthful stupidity that backfired on me. a night's sleep on this topic did make me a more mature person I feel, it is undeniable that people always wear a mask, showcasing this part of them that they want people to know, while I have always stressed to myself to be truthful to myself and thus to others, being just myself everywhere I go and without any mask of any kind. Now I learn to see this mask in a different light, it may not be hypocrisy, it's a kind of protection. Now I also realize that I shouldn't bare myself to anybody coz it's like leaving my flesh out for show without my skin. my mask will be painted with my true colours, but it will be a mask that shields away those things I'm awfully sensitive to.

I feel glad that I have realised that I need to protect myself, makes me feel very much a more matured person :)it seems that what used to concern me is not so important anymore, I have to know what is the most important things to me. what is unchanged is that I really do need to work on my perseverence, I am now unaccomplished because I give up too easily. which is a difficult change to make in myself, but I have to change it because it's good to me ultimately.

relationship-wise, i'd just leave it to fate lar, :). nothing to be hassled over and worried about, it comes it comes. still I am grateful I have met good friends along the way to guide me along, and make it easier to move on.

yup, back to persevered mugging!

not really a good time to blog

as i said its not a good time to blog, im have way through my Chapter 1 of Linear Algebra, and tomorrow the lecture is on Chapter 4, awesome. Laggin like shit is catching up on me! another time, life's been a heck of fun and anxiety and all feelings mixed together, i feel alive and i need sleep like never before. im turning nocturnal no doubt, and getting fat as well, shit. and i dunnid ppl to keep reminding of that fact, it happens that the more i dun want to hear something, the more i hear of it. irritating. oh wells, anyway, i have a pile of work to do. which i am unwillingly slackingly doing. good job and a cup of coffee to myself. tadas

BU SHUANG TTM!

I am damn bu shuang ttm.
hall is a place of complex personal and interpersonal relations, whr to draw the line? whr to keep the distance? what's loose and what's not? why are ppl ever so superficial. uni is a place to learn ALOT of things other than what im supposed to study, its amazing and irritating at the same time. i hope i do not lose myself, lose sight of myself, mental note to myself:principles do not bend, keep my principles steady, keep myself steady, enjoy the time and make good lasting frenships that dont ever turn stale, or turn into anything.

Dream dream

I had a dream last nIght, it's about domestic violence, I could vividly remember. But of course it's not my domestic it was some other girl's sad life which I happen to know and tried to help. Details pretty much forgotten, one lasting impression is that in order to help that girl I lost my beloved backpack, I regretted alot alot all the way until I woke up i was still sad about the lost of my backpack. Lala turn out it's just a dream!

the dumb dating game is killing me

omg,i hate the kr dating game la, so bloody troublesome ttm!!! now im begging wk to help me wif chasing this guy i refused to chase coz i was damn lazy, i thought blind date was gonna be fine but the khaad woman just anyhow asign me one chui sri lankan guy, wad was i to do??? eeeeeeeeee, i want to just disappear on the day la. irritating ttm

Solar eclipse

It's a pity I can't be there in my hometown to watch the solar eclipse. Chengdu is one of the best spots to watch, although I think watching it in somewhere in India where the whole process begins will be yet another unforgettabe experience much more intense than watching it anywhere else. It was said that the sun rises out of the horizon as a huge black ball, seabirds will not sqwak as they are confused whether it is daylight already. At this point I wish I were a mere fishermen in India, money and what not are nothing compared to this experience of a lifetime. I can't claim that I have seen the solar eclipse coz I watched the process on tv, I feel exceptionally dumb when I was so excited and snapping pictures of my tv screen. Sadly despite all good things about iPhone, I can't seem to upload pictures straightaway, not that the pictures are a big deal coz they were snapped off my hugeass tv. Then again, I must thank modern technology for the live telecast of the entire process, the diamond ring is astonishingly beautiful!! I am glad I caught a glimpse of it even though it was from the tv.

It was said solar eclipse can affect people's lives in a psychological way (not sure whether this is the right way to put it), many who have seen it spend much of their fortune and time to catch just another glimpse, to enjoy the tranquility once more. Well, I would definetly do that if I have the time and money. Imagine being proposed to under the "diamond ring", ultimate romanticism! Then again I bet the guy will be too busy watching the eclipse to care about getting down on one knee.

The sun symbolizes perfectness.

I heard that from the tv.

iPhone finally!!!!

Yayness I'm blogging on ma iPhone!!!! Fucking awesome!!! Seriously Its the best phone ever!!! Lalala kma berries

Back from Camp!

Yayeee~~~
I'm hooked with "yayee" and indian accent, all thanks to Castello ^^. Camp was much fun, and I love the peeps at SOC! They are uber fun and crappy, I like! Before I forget everything, I'd better write smth down, so I could look back in 50 yrs and smile to myself.

First day, always the most boring day in camp, u go with the thought "sucks i wanna go home" spinning in ur head. Lugging everyth thr was ultimate Pui-shit, and I just random bang into ppl and say sorry until i couldn't care less. most memorable thing in day 1: lugging 200pounds across the country :), chao funny ice-breaking games tt made me laff till cry, sleeping on the floors of SOC and constantly having random ppl walk past and say "woah lidat oso can". Not forgetting the fright I got when I thot i was the only girl in the OG, and the sigh of relief when Chuying appeared.

2nd day, some amazing race, run around and do station games and stuff. was pretty fun coz I had hilarious GLs. Oh and I somehow spread the "beetle" thing thr. Good. Then went to sentosa to check in to our bunk, lol, me n Chuying stayed in Bugis at costa sands. Dam good coz four beds to four ppl, no nid to squeeze. Afternoon was Chalet games, which made me laff so much I had to gasp for air. especially Charade, which is to pass the msg down by acting it out, i must get the video they took.

3rd day, beach games, cant rmb much except i was alittle disappointed. but owell, I enjoyed the company :) at night revealed our secret pals, and I got 2, one Tony one Randy, haha. Both are really cool guys, yayeeee. and thn night walk, which i was disappointed coz nobd sprang up to scare ppl, for safety reasons...aft which, we last min discuss performance item, which is to sing chorus from many many songs, and somehow we came up with www.ChangGE.com "Anyhow ZHNG, Anyhow Chang" just laff until my stomache burst.

4th and final day, watch perf, break camp, go eat lunch, thn supper.

well, it was fun despite my boring writing. and anw its more for myself to read. I await the photos and Partyworld outing!!!!

4th n final day

I need to grow up...

Its been long...and now i nid to rant.
I am now a prospective undergraduate, long string of words that bring me joy, glory and some unintended jealousy (srry bout tt, but I AM gg to uni, so u can go suck ur boogers). I feel that I nid to grow up, mentally, I can't continue to think like I am that kid who's loved by all those around her, I nid to get used to the idea that I cant fall back on my parents anymore (not that they mind, but i mind). They have done SO much for me, that I feel the weight of my responsibilities pressing on me, and i really do feel bad to take any more money from them. I do hope that my promise of a 6 digit monthly allowance for them materialise, it will be the one thing i will ever be proud of myself.
i was in a bad mood today. bad for no apparent reason. i was rolling my eyes the whole time! cant believe its happening...we've been SO close! up to now, though. which i sincerely feel sad about, but really cant help it happening. sad sad sad sad.
then i realise, i can be friendless (not entirely true, but sometimes i feel this way ), but i am still satisfied becoz my Dad is my Best friend. he can always see the reason behind my tempers, and my anger dissipate before him. just Poof! i m happy again. I am REALLY glad that I am so LUCKY to have my Dad. and Im even more glad to be close to him, we spend so much time together, and I am so happy to be with my Dad. I know i sound kind of anti-social, but really whats the use of 100 friends when u alr have a BEST Friend? then again, I do appreciate the friends I have made over the years, and many of whom I absolutely adore. but over the years, i indeed have lost some CLOSE frens...nth really happened, but we juz slipped into oblivion. I do wish they do not forget me, for I have not forgotten about them.
my dad told me, "be grateful to those who made u learn"---ppl who cheated u, ppl who reprimand you, ppl who are jealous of u---u muz be grateful to them---for they make u realise important things, and force u to gain maturity. altho its pretty hard to turn hatred into gratitude, i do realise the changes those events made on me. for now, i will not get cheated again, i can deal with ppl with ultimate-suck-ass-attitudes, and i can have smiley conversations with green-faced jealous ppl. well, i am a much better person.
despite my lament about how much i dont like terribly-self-centred-ppl, i realised i am one myself, talk about contradiction. every man for himself, rite? thn again, i still dont like it, even tho i accept it. lament lament lament.
ranting is a less violent outlet for me, i almost went violent juz now, i was shouting and banging things, i guess its pms... then again ranting not really enuf, gg to run later to forget abt the sick world in my brain.
on a happier note, iPhone 3G S will be on sale in Spore in JULY! I am sooooo gonna get it. and well those iPhone-haters can shove their omnia,viewty,nokia 5800, arena, htcs--up their little ass and continue to live in denial that IPHONE is ultimately the best mobile ever!

Data-entry I kiss you Goodbye ^^

IN just about another 30 hrs, I am leaving behind a ton of boredom and slogging while skipping gracefully to boundless freedom. 幸福~~

Concluding my first and last office job, I'd like to say its been torturing and I will never do this type of job again, cross my heart. The good thing about this job...is that its not tiring, unlike my previous jobs that required me to stand 9 hrs in a row, this sitting job promotes sleepiness and butt expansion, plus mouth retardination, for i speak less than 10 proper sentences in a day. Autistic.

As we always have to learn something out of everything: I learnt job responsibility.
serious. In the beginning, I thought my job is mainly sai kang and backing up information, nothing much, not really worth the commitment and scrutiny. to my dismay, I WAS WRONG. And i had to clean up after myself in the end. While I was correcting my past mistakes, I actually felt like hitting myself, for giving myself extra work to do. This is wad 哑巴吃黄连，有苦说不出，meant.
Well, I'd say I had left an impression as the Physically Strong Swimmer, the girl who brings her own lunch everyday, the pink ear piece, the soya milk, the computer geek, the printer technician, the doorbell answerer, shorts and sandels, the GUNBOUND, the 边工作，边看戏, the 没有规矩，basically the only person to tahan so long. Haiz, I love myself for my new found perserverence. Now my mom will have nothing to say, ha, no more accusing me of having no 毅力, I have hardcore proof now.
honestly, i won't miss anybd here, especially 唐勇, whom I am already forgetting. nah, not saying that the ppl are not nice, they are nice, and nice is a useless word. So, being nice doesnt make me rmb them. But I will rmb Annie, simply because she's pregnant. aha. and she's the one who didn't scold me for what mistakes I made. partly being she's nice/pregnant, partly because im wise enuf the keep quiet and look pitiful :)
ha~, I am gonna keep away from Lavender for a really long time. sheesh.
and, I am just happy that I no longer need to see the word Grangeford, or Leonie Hill, for the rest of my life.
Then again, this might be the only job that allows me to watch shows while working. Lemme count the shows that I watch at work.
American Idol
America's Next Top Model
我的帅管家
Katekyoshi Reborn
ONE PIECE (heart shape)
爱就宅一起
终极三国
and play Gunbound at the same time.
oh, and I learnt to use MS Excel, muahahah, who wanna know how to create a drop-down list in excel???
yup....
yay, one more day!!!! :):):):):):):)