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Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||| 46% Schizoid |||||||||||| 50% Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 58% Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 62% Borderline |||||| 30% Histrionic |||||||||||| 50% Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 54% Avoidant |||||||||||| 46% Dependent |||||||||| 34% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34%

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changing mi...

I think I am a super inconsiderate, selfish and stuck-up kid.
I made my mom n dad angry today coz i din call back to say that i wont be coming home for dinner...
a slight memory loss, and they blew their top at me.
well, on my part, it wasn't something to be angry about, i simply forgot to call back...a slip of the mind, trivial...
but my mom was worryin about mi, not knowing whether to cook my dinner or not, not knowing whether i am safe or not...and when she called mi, i din pick up my phone coz i couldnt hear it...double the anger...
guess im busted tmr....
prays...

oso, i m really sorry that i took my bro for granted and selfishly hated him for disturbing my life...i guess i was a really bad host, and totally din do my part to make him feel comfortable and welcomed....instead i was feeling proud to be alienating him....
wad a jerk i am....
i am not totally disliking him based on nothing, there are times when it is annoying and i can't find an outlet to discharge...
i wasn't born with a brother, and now i have one, i should be grateful and i should play my part as a good younger sister...
i should grow up...
i am no longer a kid...
i do not need all the attention, and i can take care of myself.
i can control my actions and thoughts, and sort out my priorities.
i need to have a target to work towards to.
and, i need to save up, to realize my bold dreams.

proud to be a matured me...

memorable...

ahem...i shall write this post solemnly...
today, is the first day i m wearing a....
tampon...

not meant to be disgusting or wad...juz thot tt this is quite a meaningful thing, that i shud rmb this is the day.

tampons are disgusting...
they are biodegradable...
wad.....

Taste of Reality...

Seriously i think CCAB is cursed...i mean, how can VJC and SAJC both lose their semi-finals when they are the strongest teams of all?? I was anticipating the finals match between SAJC and VJC..sadly, there won't be anymore...
Sometimes, when reality hit you, it takes awhile for it to sink in..
When the 7th RJC player scored the fateful penalty goal, there were cheers going up around me, i thought VJC had won...but somehow the soccer guys' reactions didn't tally. I saw Pakin crouching on the ground crying his heart out, the sight is heart-wrenching...I have just realized that it's far more painful to watch a guy cry than watch a girl cry. It's a totally different thing.
When later the whole soccer team stood before the VJC crowd, and apologized to us that they have done nothing but their best, but they lost it to luck, there's nothing more they can do, soon the whole team was sobbing, crying into their jerseys. The crowd cried too, so did I, I realized that I am proud to be a VICTORIAN, and their pride is ours too. I've always thought that the VJC soccer boys are glory of VICTORIA, it's always nice to see them around in school. VJC soccer boys losing a game is not a common thing, it's not even anticipated in the first place. We always believed that they are the best, and our cheers could bring out the best in them. However, today, we lost to luck...
When the team stood before us and everybody sang the VICTORIA school song together, I really felt that I am part of this big, and warm family, where everyone looks after everyone else...it's sad, but it's heart-warming.
I feel great to be integrating into the big, warm family.
I LOVE VJC!!!

And it was really nice to see all the sa peeps again, i saw benjamin, sean, jerico, sharon and alot more familiar faces. haiz, its kind of sad to see them actually, had i not joined vjc, i'd be with them...this so contradicting...i love both vjc and sajc...yet my love can't be shared....

got work tmr...hazel not gg...kns...pangseh me....how...

Busted..horrible day

Damn tired la today, slept through most of my classes, i really fell asleep leh, not the usual juz lying thr coz im lazy to sit straight. Really DAMN TIRED!! Hate mondays la, super long day, boring lessons. I got freaking scolded in Chi lit class for sleeping...Im in the wrong, but then can't help it ma...shudn't have worked on sunday...even though it was damn fun haha. I was super high after 10pm, KC was like 'she's mad, mad already" then he was telling shiqi to call IMH to bring me away...lol...shiqi actually got the no. leh, so she was like joking about calling them...ahahha, then i go disturb her and she accidentally pressed call....wahaha, her first call to IMH, memorable rite. wahaha
oh, shall blog abt my job, its dam fun on the 2nd day. I get to learn how to make milkshakes, smoothies, waffle with ice cream. waseh, i m like damn proud of myself, coz the boss was like "eh this ger is smart leh" whahaha. Around 11 am, the customers start to come in, i wonder why these ppl go to COURTs on MOther's Day...lol...anw, we started to get busy, the order was increasing non-stop la, got one period i was making milkshakes non-stop! The milkshakes, according to NANA, are not very liquid, like lao sai...so quite hard to pour out of the blender, so before i pour, muz shake the blender like crazy, or bang it on the sink. got one time, i forgot i took out the cover and banged it, and got splashed with the strawberry milkshake, super malu, somemore ppl sitting around the counter can see everyth i do...i tink i entertained them alot...the whole day i was dam high, like on drugs liddat, keep shouting for ppl who ordered muffins but havn come n take. Got some aunties and a few uncles the attitude damn chao one la, altho can't blame them also, we too busy sometimes forget they are waiting ma, wa they all direct at me leh, coz i was the one checking their receipts and giving them stuff accordingly, after awhile the receipt accumulate until i dunoo who's is who's...keep saying sorry sorry...
oh, muzn forget, when i makeing the first milkshake, had to open new bottle of milk, is the square box tt type, have to cut off the edge one. i cut the hole abit too big, squeeze the bottle abit ony, the milk will squirt out, i got flustered thn duno how to pour into the blender without spilling. there was this stupid man lookin at mi pour, aft i finish rite, wa he straight away go complain to my boss lor, "excuse me, may i comment arh, i tink its not very hygienic to let the milk flow down the bottle into the blender"..wa want to strangle him la, stupid gay man...aft tt he order two beef pie, i gave to him without heating it up, he came back aft eating half of the pie and went like "i'm sorry arh, but could i ask whether u heated it up because its cold.." obviously i din heat la...tt's y its cold ma...my fault...too busy till i forget...we were literally working as cows leh...
but it was fun.. haha...

i hate school!!!

omg, can't believe it, my weekend juz ended like that...its two freaking days, and its over alr?? dang.... anw...pictures time, im uploading the pics i took when i went back to ASS last last fri. missed ASS alot...

mi n shimin in the ger's cubicle ^^
took from inside the cubicle, char look stooopid!
mi n char inside the cubicle, lol, she's a fake hwachonger
haha char looks dumb

april and char
april and shimin
huiyi, me, shimin n char, at 4/2 classrm

april n huiyi


thr shud be more but i tink its not in my phone, didn manage to get from them. We saw a whole bunch of ppl dat day, including Mr Neo, Mr Lim and even Ms Lau...haha, missed them alot alot alot....thn we went to slack in 4/2 classroom, so saddening, the classrm changed alot , even the doors got repainted into lime green while we had shit green last time...shit green's better...
shall pon sch on ASS speech day, its on 29th June i tink, freaking late, other sch's speech day was like long over in feb or march liddat, ASS is late this yr i think.. Oh, btw Mr LIM is now the head of subject of maths i tink, haha, he is dam nice, and he wore lime green tt day, shud have taken a photo with him...memories....ASS is better than i thought it was, and we only realise it now...kind of saddening

irritated...

i'm starting to find my brother really irritating. It could be because that i've never had siblings and never had to share my things with somebody, that's why i get very irritated with him using my things, going into my room, messing with my territory.. when i actually think about it, he is very much better than many ppl's brothers out there, but I still have this bad feeling inside me, I just don't like sharing my personal things with ppl, even if its my brother. then again, i probably only need some time to adjust, if only i could overcome the irritation.
he always talks to me in a tone like i'm a three yr old, he even thinks that my english is lousy (while his is worse, like duh...), whatever, regarding me as a kid is one thing, taking what i say as unimportant and simply ignoring it is another thing. all in all, i am totally fed up with this brother of mine, even though i've only lived with him for a little more than two months.
one reason why i can't stand him, is probably because he uses the com too much, so much that i even have to ask him to let mi use, and the internet cable is freaking mine for goodness sake...he has the cheek to keep using it n using it, just because it happens to be in his room which was formerly my study room.
one more thing that really pisses mi off, there was this one time, i was in my room doing stuff, he came in, look at me, and said "pls" , doing the "would u pls leave" gesture. I was dumbfounded...he actually asked me to leave my own room...wth...i think he really has no manners to begin with la.........wth...........
sometimes even my parents cannot tolerate his lack of manners, laziness and everything...
sometimes i really hope that he hadn't came at all, disrupting my life like this, i hope he didnt exist...ok, not very workable..maybe he shud just go rent some hostel and live with his sicko frenz...
sickening...........
irritating.....................................

omg i look fat...
FLY ~
im a TWITAHMA!
im a twit!!!

mi eating kfc crispy chicken
yiqing eating zinger looking like a bear
see no evil hear no evil speak no evil
MAOz
at serena's condo, last day of sa

last day at sajc, eventful i shall say...

okay, last day in sa, quite sian in the morning coz onli like 8 of us came to sch today, so our last pe lesson was cancelled, much to my disappointment. Well, today the jae posting results were released, I m in vj!! woosh! uber happy!
thn we slacked around the sch la.
at around 1140 liddat, we went to the balcony thr to play cards. thn suddenly we felt the ground moving, yiqing and nerissa said they felt giddy, i felt it too, juz tt i thot it was someone shaking the table and dismissed it until it dawned upon us, EARTHQUAKE!!!! it was the first time in my life to experience an earthquake, we basically freaked out, the other ppl from other tables oso freaked out, thn everyone was like "omg omg, earthquake!" [screams] later we were assembled at the track, thn we realise tht it really was an earthquake. haha how eventful...
ltr on our way out of sa, there was this media crew trying to catch ppl to interview, i escaped it the first time, and stood thr watching chen yang getting interviewed, i even went to snap a few pics. I wanted to run but then muz wait for him la, so we waited across the road. wa when i turn back to look agen, they finished interviewing him and tt reporter was heading towards us!!! Yiqing run so fast la, wa i oso wanted to run, thn they all ask mi to go, the reporter oso saw mi, in the end, i got interviewed...
i was trying hard not to smile coz mingyu n nerissa were behind the camera trying to mime so that i know wat so say.
in the end, when i saw my face on tv i super regretted la, i looked so stooooopid!!! my parents were like "no, not ugly wad, so cute" i super depressed can, i cant stand my face la ><
haha after alot of persuading, i finally let it go, forget it la, ugly then ugly lor, i oso not some pretty girl, my face born liddat, then i shall accept it and like it, and not care about what others say about me. haha

I love my GrandDad!

My Grandfather arrived in Singapore at 3am. My Dad n me waited impatiently as we saw the ppl coming out one by one but no sign of my grandfather, my dad did his random speculations again that maybe we waited for the wrong plane..dots...there was this couple standing beside us, and wtf they were toking freaking childishly man. Especially the woman, she looked like 30 plus but was using a voice like some 5 yr old little girl, i duno whether she was acting cute or wad, she was super annoying. I felt like killing her when she started spouting Jap...wth man...she was like " sugooooiiii ne~~~ (act cute)"...omg wtf man, totally disgusted la, me n my dad was like "omg so childish!" den they left, my grandfather still haven come out...then there came a reallly old man, he was wearing that huge thick army coat that we see in the movies, he was pushing a cart and walking pass then I finally spotted my grandfather, he's really smart looking for his age. When suddenly the old man in army coat collapesed on to the floor right before me! He looked so feable and weak I thought he passed away right then and there! Well, thank goodness he didnt, apparently he was too weak for the flight and he wore too much for the temperature that's why he fainted. ok, i got to sleep, my grandfather sleeps in this room so i cant be using the com til too late. I mISSED the vball during pe today!!! omg so sad....

Where?

yes, whr do i go??

ytd was olvl results day, I'm really happy with my results, and so are my parents. I am a 7 pointer, and I got A1 for English which what I've been dreaming to have, and I got A2 for combines humans which has never happened to me but happened to me at last. Well, I am still really happy and glad that, hey my hardwork has paid off, altho its still a pity that one more point i could be a 6 pointer. See it another way, I still have room for improvement. My Dad's really proud of me and he wishes me the best, he thinks that I can do even more than this since he believe I have not put in all that I have into this exam, how about 50%? My Dad wants me to go Hwa Chong Institution, where he believe I could have better chances to make it big in the future. Well, I think so too...but I am cowered by the stress that I might have endure and the huge responsibility..after all, I do not like to be pressurized even tho I can perform better under pressure...I want to go Victoria because I liked its location and culture, its a funner place and I believe I can fit in better...so where??.......where??..........

here are some pics we took ytd ^^

freaking out...o's coming...HIDE!

See the difference btw convincing others that you can make it to your dream jc and trying to convince yourself that you can make it to your dream jc. There is a slight difference, its easier to convince others than convince yourself...try...
I'm undergoing utter confusion right now, I picture myself smiling while holding my results up high, and then picture myself staring into the space in my result slip, or throw my head far back and ram it against the wall...
anw...i m really really nervous and scared about getting the results tmr...I tried to believe in myself that I really did well this time and can easily get below 10 points. However, the more positive my contemplations get, the more negative i feel...what if it turns out exactly opposite?
I am not a wishy-washy person, not a worrier, I do not fret over things like its the end of the world. Look at me! What am i doing now??? Blogging abt how scared I am? It makes me feel small...powerless...like a little kid....

SAJC 07S07 CG OUTING!

OOHOO today, or should i say yesterday, was SUPER DUPER FUNN!!! We ate dinner at Fish & Co. and went crazy taking photos all over, that was really fun, and we were in very high spirits. It turned out that today is Thaipusam, I saw for the first time how people wore those "things" on their body, it looked really painful to me.
After dinner we went Ben & Jerry, and ordered the $88 bucks icecream, 20 scoops in total, so turned out tt each of us only need to pay like 4 bucks, so its quite worth it. Anw the icecream was yummy, we made a huge mess and all. Oh, and the napkin doesnt look like any other normal ones, i thought it was a brown paper bag at first sight.
well, my CG is really fun, with alot of wacky ppl like Arun and Bryan and all. I hope I dont get too attached that I couldn leave SA.
Waiting for the photos....^^

Sorry, Dad...

I got chided for being rude to my parents...now I'm feeling super guilty and regretful. It's not that I was trying to be mean or whatever, but I just got irritated when my parents start asking me about computer stuff. I mean, its difficult to explain in their terms for them to understand, and I get very fed up when I have to do this repeatedly. Not that I don't want to "teach" them about the computer, but I can't do it when they are asking me questions that are so irrelevant, so impossible, that I really hate to come up with answers to them.
If what I had said to my Dad just now was unrespectful, then I have been rude to him for all my life...I talk to my father in a tone that I use when I talk to my really close friends. It may sound rude and all, but it's actually a way of showing intimacy. juz that ppl usually don't understand...i am a queer person after all...

some 4 days after end of os...well...what can i say...it was fast
one min i was dreading it, and then its gone! i definetly hope that i can achieve 6 pts, but i giv myself leeway, 6-8 would be acceptable. i dont really expect to get n a1 or even an a for english n geog...dam geog........
anw...been going out for the last 4 days, super relaxed...attempted job hunts but so far not successful. haiz...wad is with those ppl, i rather them tell me in the face that i dont wanna employ u, then make me anticipate their call within the next hrs/days...
i spent too much money these days, my slippers broke or tore when i was walking arnd Plaza Sing, so i bought this pair of sneakers, and a pair of jeans at the heat of the moment. well, so far i'm happy with buying my own clothes rather than my mom buying for me...hehe.
today, i more or less gao ding my grad ball clothes, cost me 70 bucks....its gonna be v shocking...i cudn blive it myself, let alone u...
shoes and accessories...and shud i ask huiyi to do my hair too?? lol...worth a try...

woosh! one and one-third down! chem prac tmr! kinda relaxed, this o lvl feels like nothing, probably too used to exams already, wonder whether its good to not feel nervous. anw, found some really nice Bleach pics, shall upload here haha. found them at bbs.dmzj.com. aw i juz love all the guys from bleach!!!

probably a worm juz wriggled into my head and decided to settle there for the rest of my life, this bulge on my temple juz wont go down...and it hurts...
this reminds me of that little joke my cousin told me.
'What's more terrifying than seeing a worm in your apple?'
'Half a worm...'
LMAO....

anyway, i kind of realized something really philosophical today, i feel like a grown-up.
My neighbour held some kind of party or celebration today, it seems. Because they live at the end of the walkway, there were many people walking up and down outside my house. I was pissed, cause i couldn't quite focus on my work. Anyway, more distractions came along, and i totally gave up studying and started to sulk and curse my neighbours.

Who would not be pissed if people were playing mahjong and laughing like anything outside your window?

I tried shutting the door and window, I even stuffed tissue in my ear! Even that couldn't stop the noise.

There were some even more audacious people who decided they could lean against my window and start checking themselves out, with me at the desk trying too hard to be calm.

In the evening, I thought I could finally have some peace and quiet, more people came streaming in...I was screaming...inside..

These people just seem to really enjoy testing my patience, some even sat right under my nose and smoked their cigarettes happily, blabbering dialect that sounded like animal talk.

Alright, they pushed me too far, I was going to show them who's the boss, display my prowess...but, well i didn't quite dare...politeness, you see.
So i decided to turn on my audio to max volume, and had TVXQ's new single blarring out the window.

Aha, they jumped in shock. Revenge...is sweet. They started rolling their eyes at me, talking even more loudly (in dialect, while obviously they were badmouthing me). Well I didn't really care, I was just happy I could save my ears from those dialects, they make my heart itch.

After much staring, they finally gave way, I admit the volume was probably too loud, I couldn't stand it either, I had no choice..
And hurray, one by one, they cleared the way, and I had my clean view-from-the-window back. WHo's da MAN?

And then my philosophy came in, I realized that people are really a pain in the butt when u think they are, conversely, if you think they are nice, they are too...
I happen to see this old man, who stared at me when I tried to blast him away, I thought of smiliing at him, and when i did, he smiled back...
then it dawned on me...it takes alot to be magnanimous and not to get pissed by every little thing people do, but it sure feels better when you receive a smile rather than eyeballs that threaten to disappear into their sockets (too much rolling).

Graduation....

the LAST day of school. We've graduated from Anderson officially.
Altho the farewell assembly wasnt really sad or touching, in fact it was juz givin out certs for prelim results, but the sight of MR CHYE really make mi wanna come back to Anderson. All in all, Anderson is a good school, 4 yrs has gone by, and we've all grown up, memories n more memories....
its always this kind of scenario that i fear most, sad to part, but have to move on.
after today, 4/2'06 is no more, SHIMIN JOANNE CHARMAIN YUXIAN PUQIN APRIL ANNA NAT ANGELINE EUNICE HUIYI WEIMUN LINXIU....we are classmates no more...tears....may we remain frenz and keep in touch even after we pursue different paths. all the times that we went crazy together, laughed n cheered for our class, etc etc, will be fresh in my heart and shall never be forgotten....FRIENDS FOREVER!!!
well the only person tt i m glad to NOT see anymore is Abel, @#!$%%#$@, rejoice! let him "own" all the poly ppl if he ever managed to get in thr. like weihao said, "double the shock" when he play DOTA and get back his results. well, if it was anybody else, i'd sympathise with him, but if for ABEL! I'm happily laughing my head off! But, if he decides to pull up his socks from now, it might be very much too late, but better late than never, at least it wont be sooo bad...but hey, its not my problem.
anw, juz wanna take this time to thank all the ppl who made my secondary school life enjoyable and meaningful, esp 4/2 gers, haha we kinda bonded only in the second half of our last yr, short but sweet, i'll nv forget everyone!
lastly, hope every1 pass O with flying colors, and shall we party all night long right aft the last paper, ooo i cant wait...O lvl SUX, but WE ROCK!

My 18th Bday...

My bday's in 4 days...should i say its special coz i'd be 18?? Dont really feel any excitement towards my bdays tho, coz theres no practice to celebrate it in my family, not that i care...
but this yrs bday kinda special, coz it falls on the exact same day as the Mooncake festival! my bday has never been so special, shall i make it really memorable??? but seeing that my mom n dad are both working night shift on that day, i doubt anything much could happen...guess i have to spend the day alone, maybe i could go gaze at the moon and imagine my family gazing at it too.........
nah...too sentimental for me...but i would really hope that my bday this yr could be once in a lifetime...

O is in 30days!

Just felt like liven up my blog abit, changed the background, stung by that pic, wonder if its based on real life person...
found some pretty cute pics, shall upload it here...