confused

know what, sometimes i feel i might have completely lost myself. whenever i see someone living their dream, it is like thousands of knives jabbing my innards. it is unbearable, to see that there are people out there being who they want to be, making a difference in the world in their own small way. i on the other hand concentrates on building a box around myself, closing myself in. it seems that im not good at anything, anything i am good at, i can always easily find someone better at it than me. i feel a total failure

Last Holiday

i feel inspired. i've just done watching the movie Last Holiday, and i am truly inspired. Georgia Byrd (Queen Latifah) was diagnosed to have only 3 weeks to live, she took the blow, and decided to live the rest of her life to the fullest til the last. and wow, did she live it. it is so ironic! yet so human, why izzit always when u are about to lose something then u start to treasure it. we keep thinking that we still have alot of time...so we squander it, thinking there is still tmr. this is the life Georgia used to live before she was diagnosed with disease, she lived in a box, she built herself. she dorn the cheapest clothes, put all her money in the bank, kept her feelings for someone to herself, and kept mum to many things she would like to voice out. till she found out that she had only 3 weeks to live, to hell with all the constraints. she's gonna live it like nobody. i feel so touched and inspired, and yes, i shall always rmb Georgia Byrd in the movie, and live my life like there is no tomorrow! 

slack shit

this is so predictable! sitting infront of the com is not good! but i cant resist the temptation! everytime i tell myself, it will only be awhile, and it went on to a few hours. gosh. i should keep my com in the store room! this is freaking diminishing my will to study! ytd i managed to mug the whole day straight, i felt cool and accomplished. but i felt autistic too! i havent left home for nearly 24 hours. really, i feel couped up and sick. but i cant go out. not that anyone's stopping, they will only make little conversation with themselve just loud enough for me to hear. things like, this is ur last time to buck up, last chance to revise....blah blah. as if i dont know
which is why i am staying at home to mug, but this fking computer is always tempting me! i am easily irritated. and seriously, i admit its my fault, but once i become irritated, everyone is a nuisance and god i would like to exterminate them. bahhhhhhhhh

歌德先生！！

亲爱的歌德桑：
小女子，周婉怡，对您久仰大名（其实今天才知道您到底是哪位）。小女子对您的文才简直佩服的贴在地上了。如您所见，小女子的文笔写作如是也，您认为还有没有救啊！？
小女子修读中华文学，作文本来不是问题，写作时也是文思泉涌、出口成章。然而，不久前不知染上何病，作文成绩一蹶不振，一落千丈，本人现在对写作以充满恐惧也。您说着该如何是好？？？
今日，尊师认为小女子的作文以达到她必须出手挽救的程度，对小女子施以鞭策、施以鼓励。小女子感动不已。亲爱的歌德桑，您认为尊师力挽狂澜，是凶是吉？
歌德桑，您说过：“斗争是掌握本领的学校，挫折是通往真理的桥梁。”小女子本已心灰意冷，却因为您这句话重燃希望。是啊，挫折并没有把我击败，它只是将我绊倒在地，好让我更坚强地再站起来。我已经站起来了。可通往真理的桥梁还很长。唯恐我还没走完，成绩就对我罔下定论了。
小女子如今不能说是对自己信心满满，其信心早已减半，自己有一半是空洞的。歌德桑，我该如何视此空洞？它是一半的谦虚？还是一半的无能？小女子认识到事情总有两面性。要不我心情愉快时，就正面视之；颓丧时，就把它当成是嗜血的恶魔，把我吸干了不算，还要把我砸碎了。
歌德桑，希望您能谅解我，体谅我。写不好作文并不可耻！我仍然是天真烂漫的我，聪明伶俐的我。我相信，写作并不如登天难，我愿为了写好作文而跋山涉水，赴汤蹈火。本人的热忱，您看到了吗？
小女子在这里答应你：今后的作文要做到“语不惊人，死不休”的境界。让那空洞的半边尽快填补起来，成为一个完整的我！

中国人，我永远都是中国人！

身为中国人，我真是自豪的热泪盈眶！今生今世，我，周婉怡，只做中国人！

我的父亲 Part 1

“听君一席话，胜读十年书。”
父亲对我说的每一句话都是智慧和经验的化身，言听计从是我的本分、职责、需求。父亲是位非常睿智非常明智的人，他的思想多受到了佛家道家思想的熏陶，他的生活智慧就是“顺其自然”。今生能够做父亲的孩子，必是我前生修来的福泽。对于父亲，我心里是崇拜，是尊敬，是我毕生向往却似永远都达不到的高尚。我渴望得到父亲的认可，更渴望成为父亲的骄傲！

然而从自己的角度看来父亲对我似乎总不抱多少期望，这让我非常懊恼。自己其实是个自尊心很强的人，这过量的自尊容易让人迷失方向，让人看不清自己。父亲可能早就发现我那过胜的自尊将会成为我人生道路上的障碍，甚至可能是自己给自己掘下的陷阱，所以在很久以前他就先少给我表面的夸奖，多让我看到他不屑的表情，不知不觉地给我打了一支又一支的强心针。父亲对我的不屑间接成为我努力的原动力，我为了博得他的认同，一次又一次地证明自己。可怪我自己不争气，毅力薄弱，着实成不了什么气候，这是自尊心作祟让我看不见自己的致命伤，反而把责任推卸给父亲，这牛角尖是越钻越深，深得连父亲的话都听不进去了。

（待续）

Hellen Keller

Helen Keller was born on this day two hundred and twenty-eight years ago.

I hate studying econs!!!

wow, i super need to vent my frustrations from studying econs! for 3 days straight i've been reading nothing but econs, what torture. sometimes i do find it kind of interesting, that is when i'm in a pretty good mood, but now i tend to doubt whether i had gone bonkers to even find econs interesting. oh well, i m down to the last chapter possibly, i hope... and really i dun care, i shall just pray that the part that i m not studying does not come out for tmr.


I BLOODY HATE ECONS I BLOODY HATE ECONS I BLOODY HATE ECONS I BLOODY HATE ECONS I BLOODY HATE ECONS!!!!

i realised that i shouldnt curse like dat, given my state of econs-stuffed-brain, i should praise it in hope that the god of econs can grant me an econs-mugging-brain to spare me the pain to studying it with a normal brain.
so instead i should say:

I BLOODY love ECONS I BLOODY love ECONS I BLOODY love ECONS I BLOODY love ECONS I BLOODY love ECONS I BLOODY love ECONS I BLOODY love ECONS

yes. i just hope that the god of econs will come and possess me coz he fears that i will bring shame to the entire history of the study of economics so he decides to do the paper for me. i know he is really kind. and his name is Keynes...

anw...smth i have sorta figured out today. it is really tiring to keep hating someone, and its really not going to go anywhr. since it is alr like this, just let it be, i should be smarter than entirely concentrating my thoughts on the disgusting vermin and wishing in my head that he will just die, but it is not gg to happen just like that. either i take some actions to eradicate him, or i just take it that he is not going to affect me in any way even tho every single bit of him gets on my nerve and this frustration increases exponentially. i should just be magnanimous and forgiving for he has no one to love him, it is really sad. but there is nothing i will do for him, nothing i will want to do for him, other than concentrating on liveing my own life and let him rot in that pungent room of his. period.

pictures taken at swim meet

絶対彼氏

开完《絶対彼氏》第九集，感触颇深，最后奈特捂着胸口，心痛的片断在脑海里挥之不去。明明是机器人的他，心痛了，他面无表情捂着胸口的那一刹那，简直像天都要塌下来似的。真让人想把愤恨发泄在女主角身上，好好的奈特你不爱，干嘛要接受别人的告白嘛。不过，说实在的真的不能怪她，奈特毕竟是个机器人，要是她真的爱上了机器人，那不也很悲哀吗？这部剧实在是构思新颖，我实在想不出一个完美的结局，所以真的很期待下一集的推出。要是奈特最后变成人多好。。。要等到下个星期六才看得到第十集呢，气愤啊！怎么办怎么办！！！

SQ's parallel creation

they look like tomatoes...but they are strawberries
this is pig's mashed up intestine
ice-blended pig soup
somehow the backgrd looks like seawater...
white paint...
beige paint

tadaaaa! ok this is from someone who takes baking lessons, so expectedly nicer than mine.
oh i kissed the strawberry coz its tip is shapped like lips. ah, my chuu~~~

Eventful Pre-Father's Day ^^

Well, I am honestly pretty proud of myself as I have spontaneously created a Strawberry Whipped Sensation (tho not whipped) for my Dad for Father's day. Even tho i screwed up quite abit, im still pretty proud, and even proud of my screwed up parts.

Step UNO! Like ur ingredients !
"久しぶり！" or "お久~~!" is what i would say to strawberries.(Yes, i am flaunting my Jap here. BITE ME) And we bought 3 boxes at one go. come to think of it now, i wonder what actually gave me the courage to do that. I am actually very very broke. and i would like to announce to the world that right now, im only worth $7.00. anw, the strawberries are wonderful, and are the main main ingredients of Strawberry Whipped SENSATION!

Step Dos: turn them into liquid state

which i find a very boring thing to do...because, i have no masher...i have to use the soup-spoon-with-holes to do the job...and so ended up like a bowl of bloody....something. i told my dad that i am spewing my brains out for his present...he seemed pretty touched. (oh u can see my fat thumb)

Step Tres: Pour in the condensed milk

Wow...the condensed milk is sweet to the max and its filled to the brim of the can. It dripped all over the place as i was opening the can. its really fattening, i guess this is why my mom dun really want to me to make a second one.

Step Cuatro: pour into container and layer with crushed butter oreo. i actually like doing this, especially slapping the semi solidify creamy mix with my spoon, a great satisfaction to see the mixture fill out the container nicely. my oreo layer is a bit too thin compared to the cream layer. if i am gg to do it agen, i would make them comparable thickness.....wow ^^.

and pls look at the mess we've made, i seriously hate cleaning up after myself. and i thought, ppl hire maids to do the hated jobs, that is very unkind unless the maids actually like to clean up...but nvm, i dun hav a maid so i cant do anith abt it.

Step V: Freeze...and wait...and make whipped cream. ha, yes this is the screwed up part. actually there was one step to create lemon juice for a little added sour into all the sweetness...pity there's no picture to proove that we peeled 20 bloody lemons (we planned to squeeze out the juice, but decided otherwise...blend is a faster option), yes and plasters come in handy at times like this. and also, no picture for the screwed up whip cream, a pity, now lemme describe. the box of whipped cream cost $8.50 (yes, the same courage made me pay for this as did with the strawberries), we split it into half, and tried to whip it, manually. my house had no "whipper", we had to make do with chopsticks and forks until i managed to borrow one from my neighbour. and so the whipping goes on ......................

.............................

.............................

................and on..

..............................

..............................

.............................

and on.................

and i got sick of it...as Shiqi said "用手打，会打死人的"...so i got a brilliant idea...BLEND. it worked pretty well at first, the whipped cream turned semi solid after a short blending...yes and i subtlely tried to show off to Shiqi and my parents. “我真是太聪明了！”only to discover after awhile the smooth white cream curiously separated into yellow oil-ish lumps and dilute milkish liquid... well i guess i destroyed the emulsifier that allowed oil and water to mix ...while SQ tinks i destroyed the chemical bonds in btw. hers turned out really fine as her unwavering patience paid off, yes i agree i was a little sour, but i honestly is pretty proud to destroy the emulsifier (i tink i will rmb this word very well: emulsifier). so anw....it was dinner time and we ate dinner while watching KFP (not very good quality tho coz i burnt the resolution wrongly). it was abt 3 hrs plus into the freezing...i wanted to take out my Whipping Sensation alr...

Step VI: taking out me work prematurely and expose it to scrutiny. it turned out pretty ok, except there was supposed to be a layer of whipped cream over the entire cake, but given my whipped cream is reduced to oil and water...i borrowed abit of SQ's cream and spread it ontop. and VRRRRAAALLAAAA!~~ My 第一次！is ready to be eaten! yes, it received rather positive comments, and rather heartening expressions, my Dad likes it altho this is not the actual present but more of a tester, he likes it. More coz there wasnt any anticipation coz we totally made the cake infront of him, there's no suprise factor at all. well, despite being quite well received, i cannot make the real thing tmr...too fattening is the reason. well there's always
birthdays and anniversaries for me to create

chaos agen.

Lastly, camwhore...^^
oh, my shoulder looks dislocated...


random candid photos SQ took, ha, my chin is sharp muahahahha
the band is to keep my hair up, fugly but cooling, i'd rather cooling
shirt reads :Inter jc swim meet which took place ytd

i am rightfully pissed

what does a closed door mean to u?? do not enter. pls knock and wait for answer. is that too much to ask? isnt that basic manners, close to programmed into our minds??? it is just politeness to respect someone else's privacy, and the closed door means there is something i don want ppl to see! and what the freaking idiot just barge in like nobody's business and not giv a shit whether i want him in my room or not. for goodness sake, its not even my room, its my parent's room, and my mom is sleeping!!! and u freaking outsider just barge in like that? without even knocking, without even acknowledging that this is not ur home, but mine, and my parent's room!!! and i dont owe u anithing! ur fucking wireless cannot connect is nothing to do with me! help me check it out can? check what u tell me, bloody asshole, mine is totally no problem, check what? i plug in plug out no problem, then for sure not my problem alr wad. then whose u tell me. mine? i willed ur fucking computer to cannot connect to the wi fi??? i got nothing better to do? everyday i wake up first thing u ask me check internet connection, u tink i very free izzit? the fuggin connection is crazy coz i have to let u use wi fi, and most of the time i cannot use oso! do u see me complaining??? NO! i sacrifice my precious rest time n study time to figure out the bloody problem with my connection, and finally its all good, the next day u tell me to check agen??? walao, i want to chop off ur bloody head can. if u cannot stand the shit connection go get some wireless card or wadever shit if u are so clever. i might not be entirely IT savy but at least i can tell that my connection got no problem and so it cannot be my fault that ur bloody pc cannot connect to the wi fi!!!! and u still can qn me "so its my fault then??" like DUH!!! how many times must i tell u nicely that if mine can connect, there is no bloody problem, so the problem is not with me!!!!! i feel like slapping u lor. idiot asshole. and my dad, he just sits there and watch him open the door to his room like free and dont even care that my mom is sleeping in the room. PRIVACY!!! do u like to be watched when u are asleep somemore by some bloody nephew that u dun even like. i m so dam pissed with my dad. why the hell he's so scared of this bloody nephew???? talk to him as if trying not to piss him off???? whats ur damned problem. he's just a nephew with bad manners and bad social attitude. why the apprehension. why why why. why do i have to do his every bidding????? why??? he want connection, i go and figure it out and let him have a good time. he want to use the toilet, i faster finish my business and get the hell out of there. whats the figgin big deal with him???? i dont see any bit of him worth of such treatment. he should just die. i hate it man, i hate it to the core!!!!!

BoreDOM

sian.....im super dying from studying..i dont see any more meaning in mugging other than the fact that if i dont, i'd have no future. CRAZY shit, i bet if i had gone out to work at the age of 15, i would have totally earned my first million by now. who cares about getting A for exams, can eat? can feed ur baby? I bet 50 bucks for half the ppl who scores A all the time to be a loser in their lives after school. this is something i learnt from studying CLL, this prose about a wise man who leads a very carefree life when the entire society strives for fame and status. when he studies, whenever he has learnt something new he can be so overjoyed that he forgets to eat, but he does not dwell on the words and phrasings or make himself memorise everything. this is what learning should be! to the learn the essence and forget the form. who the stupid asshole go and memorise everything from a to z, siao, even as big as u think ur head is, there are other more important things to remember other than just knowledge and more knowledge. and i always believe that knowledge are crap when they are not being used. so what if u get like A STAR STAR in some subject, it all reduces to mere alphebets if in the end u do not use it. so why why...do i have to memorise and stuff so much crap into my brain, when i could actually immerse myself in things that i like learning????? i havn drawn for eternity and i tink i probably returned most of what i learnt back to my teacher. which is...aaaaargh...irritating.....
i m bored to the max man....so bored that i actually tried to watch harry potter all over agen...which i find is quite entertaining after awhile...but i cant go on to finish it! because i need to study!!! damn it........im now really quite pissed....
i thought o lvl was bad......now i have to go through it all over agen......i feel like screaming my head off..........and just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah......can i turn time backwards and lead my carefree toddler life for the rest of my life.........................
sometimes life is just boring........and its even more irritating to find that this boredom kills ur every interest in anything at all........seeing that i dont even feel like drawing anything......i know this is totally screwed up shit. whyyyyy..........i 'd rather be a small little butterfly fluttering around the bush downstairs and get eaten by the idiot cat that meows so loudly night after night. i m being incoherent, which reminds me that i have been dreaming really imaginative dreams these few days. one very memorable one was that i could exercise super power, such as closing the door w/o touching it, moving things, levitating my mom....all with a twisted handsign, which i recalled i tried to do it when i woke up and then realized it was all but a dream.........hah...how i wish i could be a manga character in ONEPIECE, it would be so exciting! my life would be entirely different! and it would be just so untiring to find myself in different worlds one after another, and have enemies' butts to kick every now and then.......sometimes i just get very negative............which is very unlike myself, i always thought that life is beautiful.......oh whatever.........i shall force myself to mug for another 30 mins before i flop dead.......

You Are An ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. In love, you see everything as a grand adventure. You enjoy taking risks for love. And if things don't work out, you're usually not too much worse for the wear! You would make a great entrepreneur, marketing executive, or actor. At work, you need a lot of freedom to pursue your own path and vision. How you see yourself: Analytical, creative, and peaceful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Detached, wishy-washy, and superficial

What's Your Personality Type?

プロポーズ 大作戦！

刚刚一口气看完了一部日剧，名为《求婚大作战！》。实为感动，所以与此抒发一下感言。
《求婚大作战》讲述了发生在一个婚礼当天的一个故事，现在想起来结构与中华文学里读的《雪山飞狐》有点相似，就是与现实一天内，演绎过去，还有将来。 故事的男主角“岩瀬健”（山下智久饰）与女主角“吉田禮”是从小学三年级就一直在青梅竹马的好朋友。健一直深深爱着禮，而禮也一直喜欢着健，可是两人之间 青梅竹马的那层关系却一直阻碍着两人进一步的发展。就这样拖沓，直到礼终于要成为别人的新娘时，健的极度懊悔让奇迹出现了... ...
住在教堂里的妖精看到健的悔恨于心不忍，与助他一臂之力，让他能回到过去改变那一切让自己后悔、让礼遗憾的事迹。于是通过婚礼上播映的照片 Slideshow中的一张张回忆的照片，他穿越时空，回到过去，想方设法地改过、修正、涂抹。可是一次次的失败和一次次回到现实看见可爱的新娘坐在别的 男人身边时，他近乎放弃。过往的事迹一刀一刀刺痛了他的心，仿佛无论他如何努力都只是把礼推得越来越远而已，自己眼睁睁地看着新爱的人一步步走向别的男 人。无能为力的同时还要佯装祝福，实在是痛彻心肺。
当Slideshow放到真正最后一张照片了，他回到过去倾尽全力设法挽回，却冥冥中悟出了一个道理。与其一直悔恨过去，希望能从新来过，不如努力现在， 放眼未来。既然已经发生过的不管回去多少次，能改变的也只是漫长历史中的数个小时，还不如把握住现在，把握住将来更来得可贵。
男孩用尽妖精给他的所有机会，领悟了这个道理，于是回到婚礼上，一好友的身份对新郎新娘致词，倾吐了十四年来郁积在心中的一切感情，然后扬长而去。精疲力竭的他来到教堂里，在耶稣面前不禁失声哭泣。这一切都过去了啊。至少我努力了啊。只要礼得到幸福我就满足了啊。
结局如何我就不说了，相信我，这是一部非常好的片子。我从中学到了几个道理，不加修饰，朴朴实实的做人道理。比如说“什么事都等着明天来做的人，是傻瓜”，“心里有话就该说出来，不要以为那个人会一直在那里”，等等、等等。
感动啊。感动的同时，也惊讶原来一直走偶像路线的山下智久能够如此真实地出现在荧幕上，不造作、不虚伪，仿佛他就是那个喜欢了女孩十四年之久的痴情男孩。不仅如此，毕竟山下是个超级帅蛋，看这部戏可是流够了口水的啦。强力强力推荐！！
一下是图览时间