The A-Team

HOHOHO, I FUCKIN LOVE MOVIES LIDAT!!! WOOT!! GOD I WISH TO BE ONE OF THEM. SHIT AWESOME!!!

Photos again. :P

 

 

Went to this tourist attraction place called 国色天香, there were rides and everyth but I didn’t ride on any, technically because I have old people in tow, but honestly because I actually is quite scared. Ha. Anyhow, love the sheer bigness, that’s something you don’t see in sg, no offence, but sg is tiny. Pardon the countryside look, I don’t bother to dress up, coz once again I am with old people in tow, I look perfect to them even if my face is meshed up, plus I don’t really need to dress up, I am just beautiful as I am. No joke.

Anyhow, gonna move in to hall tmr, superbly reluctant, oh well what can I do, last year in hall. Shall get a private jet next academic year.

Just heard today that someone from Sheares hall committed suicide just recently. As someone who don’t know shit about the person, I wouldn’t say things like “oh so sad”, “oh he took the easy way out”. Everyone has suicidal thoughts, I even came up with “interesting ways to die” at work two years ago. Life is difficult, and it’s getting difficulterer. I’ve lived till now because I havnt met or encountered anything that would kill me, I plan to stay away from those things, but nothing is certain.

I am thankful for the peaceful and comfortable life I have led by far.

Photos

 

My Mom brought me to take 艺术照, i have no idea what it’s called in English, photos turned out better than I thought, just that I havn gotten them yet, waiting for my grandpa to mail it over.

It’s my first time at a photo shoot, it is unnerving and the camera man didn’t help much by being bossy and impatient, the poses he made me do are beyond my comprehension, however they actually look nice in print, so I forget all the curse words I have to say about him. The purpose of this is to leave a photo memory of I look like now, and I should say I’m quite glad to have agreed to it, even though I don’t like to have makeup on my face and wigs on my head.

Amused because my Dad still thinks that the person on the photo is not me, he will quite often point at the photo and say “Who is that??”, and I would say “ME.”, and he replies “Impossible, it must be someone else.” Oh well, accept it, it is me, even though it doesn’t look like me, or the other way round.

I must say this…this..place..is doing quite well. For the few times I went down, there were quite a number of people being buzzed around to do make up, hairstyle, and pushed into rooms to take photo. I even saw this pregnant lady walking around in a costume that fully uncovers her protruding belly. I guess every girl would love something like this, keeping visual memories of youth and time.

Below are some photos I took while waiting for my turn, and 4 soft copies of how the actual photo looks like.

 

…wahahaha.

                   

Procrastinating…

I have one million lumps of things to post about, but I dun have the drive to do so. Yet I feel the more I procrastinate, the more I will start to forget, seeing how amazingly fast I forget things these days. The only excuse I have is that I havn been able to sort out my thoughts, I dun know where to begin and how to end.

Been back for just one day, I feel like I didn’t leave at all. The time I spent in Chengdu felt like a dream, sometimes I doubt whether I’d really left this place for real, or was it all part of my imagination.

Anyhow, I had been thinking that instead of seeing “forget” as a disability to remember, it is refreshing to think of it as the ability to disremember. Imagine having to remember everything single little thing about every single little thing, I forgets that thought immediately. I wonder how each time Shiqi can remember all the tiny things I used say and do, why spend so much memory space on such insignificant matters?? If only I could attach a USB to my head, I could have thumbdrives as hairs.

I hate the fact that school is starting….I hate the fact that my sem is going to be torturous like hell. woooo… guess it’s the same for everyone. When to get busy if not now???

and so im back

quick post before i fall asleep on my thickened bed with 3 weeks of dust.

i am now back in spore, i am heartbreakingly missing my home now...i could cry you a river..I am not used to the driver on the right side, not used to not listening to my vulgar-sounding dialect, not used to the cleanliness, i miss chengdu already.

thn again, when i was there, i super missed singapore too, i missed my friends, i missed my Dad, i missed internet....

been living on cloud nine for the past 3 weeks, takes a bit of getting-use-to living back on the ground, school's starting and I havn started researching on modules. ralalala.

anyhow, many stuff to post about my beloved city, the land of good food and living buddhas haha, i myself is a pig turned holy. weee

Mini thoughts and goodbyes

Hey, in a pretty weesh, FOC is over. Done is the job of Games Ic, and it's always till the very end do I start to actually like what I was doing. I could still recall the awkward silences when it started out when having meeting with 2 unfamiliar people, my fellow gamesic ZQ and Jason. and when I trace the entire flow from the most historic form of our games flow to the actual ones carried out in the past week, the changes were amazing, and I couldn't believe WE did that. I was actually rather proud despite the fact that, y'know, I was a pretty big slacker and ZQ and jason did most of the tiresome work. But hey, I'm the only girl, haha, and that makes me excusable.

Anyhow, the camp ended nicely last night at the wee hour of 10pm with our awesomely wonderful EXCO performance in which I played a small part of choreographing a dance to the song "I Will Survive", and I loved my fellow Awesome Girls (URIRA: AWESOME GIRLS!!!) and it is aptly OUR dance. And Michael Jonah just poached my eyeballs away because he is just suavingly handsome for that matter. William's saxophone performance is also eye opening and fame-uppingly attractive. Hey yo, SoC is as fun as any other, if not more, and I do love the friends I have made even if they are not the "COOLEST" people. And HuiYun and YiJia and me are like copies of each other coz we just love all the same things.

Apart from the friends I've got to know better through this experience, the job itself also pretty much gave me a different view to things. I have been an OGL before, but I've never been a game master until this camp. Having fun and make other people have fun are two entirely different concept. Not only do I have to make clear the instructions in the shortest time possible, I need to coordinate my helpers, get a clear view of the whole game play and watch out for everybody's safety and fun level at the same time. Of which I honestly believe I did a really good job. :D

Also, before this I simply hate doing menial "saikang" stuffs for any other people, really, I HATED it. but now I am actually pretty fine with it, as long as what I do is contributing to the "greater good". Stuff like tying waterbombs (1000+ of them and still not enough WTF!), cutting strips of paper, sticking pieces of paper all over the school yadda yadda, and all at the crazy hours when others are either already asleep or are still sleeping. But hey, if I am gonna be a part of something, I better make sure I am an asset and not a liability. It's better to be highly demanded for than to be hung aside being good at nothing. something I learnt is that I should give and do my best at the moment that I am doing it, and not come to later and apologize saying "sorry for screwing up", it's ridiculous and I honestly despise it.

Having some withdrawal feelings now, and I really do hope that our FOC Exco Com stays tight after the camp, and outings should be planned asap coz I'm missing them all already.

In about 10 hours time, I'd be on the plane back home, like FINALLY~~~ it has been a long 5 years since I last returned and I am mad excited!!!

RomeoXJuliet

It's a pretty good anime, except the fact that both still died in the end...

anyhow, i don't believe in sacrificing one for the happiness of all, to me, it is clearly happiness for all or happiness for none, we can't build happiness upon one person's pain and anguish. Having said that, can you people stop sacrificing yourself for the sake of other people!? it's freaking sad and I just can't appreciate whatever eternal bliss after both of you died.no such thing, uuurgh, credits to the producer for staying true to the original storyline, that is nobody dies except the two most important people. maybe it is how storywriters end their stories, by killing their leading man and woman, coz if not the story goes on and on, yup a bunch of my wishful thinking, and I really wished that they didn't die. oh my........ tiny sob.

good anime overall though, highly recommended.

Hey, haven't blogged for some time. Not in the mood to complain about anything, that's a good thing I guess. Been wriggling with joyful energy nowadays, practising the choreos I have learnt from dance class, it makes me happy. Camp is next week, nothing much to say about it actually except that I should do my best to make it successful since I did commit most of my holidays to it. (pink panther on the radio now :])
after the camp, I'm gg back to china like finally. This time to a new house, not that anticipating it cuz it's away from the city unlike my old house which is just minutes away from the town area where i could eat myself ballooned. Oh well I'll see what I can do about my meals, guess I have to make compromises. I want to explore the place on my own, honestly, without my mom, she's abit of a cold blanket and too safe for any adventure. Yet I'm a little scared coz it's an unfamiliar place, and not as safe as Singapore.

Oh well nities.

"Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."

Stop complaining!!

I seriously think Singapore breeds people who only knows how to complain but are too humji to do anything about it. And they don't like to be called humji! but they are bloody humji. What's the use to wasting time and complaining about things when you don't even intend to fight for whatever justice or injustice that you've encountered?! totally don't make sense wad. you complain so that ur can put ur story out there, and then wad? wait for other ppl to make right the wrongs done to u?? just speechless man.

once again, stop BLOODY COMPLAINING IF U DON'T PLAN TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. SHIT U!

Beer Fest

Working is so not my thing anymore, I feel like an old lady after a few days of menial brainless work. Seriously the ang moh lifestyle is just too frivolous man, getting drunk and getting into fights. It's funny to watch tho, how crazy ppl can actually be, keep pushing the limits ppl, thanks for the good laugh. And vomits are bloody smelly. And I am amazed ppl can get drunk drinking beer, how many bottles did they really drink. Damn cheapo mentality leh, since beer at beerfest so cheap, I must drink until they dry even if I get wasted and embarrass everybody. chey.

anyhow, learnt a lesson, next time go to work, must settle all employment details properly before you work your ass off for anybody. Luckily this time we got trustworthy supervisor, unlike trish who is just plain suei. and yong hwee is a fucking pussy.

lastly, I hate empty promises and ppl who waste my time.

Li-Ninging

Down for one and a half days of linesmening, easy job la actually, just that it gets boring after awhile. Especially if the players are unexciting. Been seeing alot of abs today, I am getting more and more ticko lol. I am way to tired to type coherently. Just must mention that I linesmened beside SUSILo and Lee Choon Wei's courts lol, wts. I mean I dun mind not linesmening for their matches, but at least let me watch properly on the seats rite, end up must do duty freaking next to them and must constantly resist the urge to look over or peek at them and concentrate on my own freaking line, with the crowd cheering like mad. zomg. anyhow good experience lar. ill write better once I get this over and done with. Right now, I am expecting to dream about white lines, shuttlecocks and abs.

Fancy how everything is so wonderful :)

Great. It feels like after a 16 hr sleep, everything, really, Everything is wonderful. And I hope this feeling lasts.

The series revolves around vapid blonde and aspiring model, Deb Dobkins (played by Brooke D'Orsay in the pilot and in flashbacks), who is killed in a car crash. As her soul enters the gates of Heaven, she finds herself declared a self-centered "zero" (meaning she has performed zero good deeds and zero bad deeds during her time on earth; she is simply shallow) by the gatekeeper Fred. After not liking what she hears, she presses for a return to her former body, hoping to get back to Earth. Deb gets her wish, only to be brought back to life in the body of a recently deceased, intelligent, overweight lawyer named Jane Bingum. Initially horrified, Deb – in her new human form – discovers the meaning of inner beauty as she finds the ability to juggle legal cases, aided by her assistant Terri, while attempting to reconnect incognito with her still-grieving boyfriend, Grayson Kent, who just started working at Jane's law firm. At the same time, Deb begins to rediscover her past while learning more about her inherited body's current life and how Jane was treated when she was alive. In addition to former gatekeeper Fred (who was demoted to guardian angel and had been assigned to watch over her at the law firm), only Deb's long-time mortal friend Stacy knows Jane's true identity.

Super elated when I found out that Drop Dead Diva Season 2 is out!!! Claps fantastically!!!

It's a amazing drama with "a intrinsically well crafted storyline" (quotes myself haha). I don't think I should recount the entire story here because it will be an understatement, and YOU should really watch it to see for yourself. Once again, watching Drop Dead Diva magically makes me feel great, about myself, and about everything.

know what, I always feel that the characters in U.S dramas all have this way of speaking that is so ... refined. It sounds so fluent and they enunciate every word in a way that we could only fake it and fail it.

ROME! ITALY! NAPLES!

I am reading this book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's an awesome book. Not only does it reek of quirky humor and hilarity, it also magically makes me feel very womanly, even sexy! (I'm gonna pretend nobd reads this) Really!! I was reading it on the bus, and all of a sudden because of the turn of story, I felt like kissing everyone I see. (and when a certain surprising person board the bus, I felt like smooching him ><, it was a emotional tug!) and it was freaking 7 am in the morning, usually I'd be dead sleeping swinging my head side to side and drooling myself silly, but I felt energetic and was bobbing up and down and laughing to myself on the bus at that inhuman hour. Power book totally.

and because of the book, I have this urge to go backpacking in Italy, to experience that beautiful country the author so fervently describes. There is this place in Naples that makes the BEST PIZZA IN THE WORLD!!!! author's logic being, best pizza comes from Italy, best pizza in Italy comes from Rome, and best pizza in Rome comes from Naples, and this place sells the best pizza in Naples!!! oh wow! she loves her pizza and illusion-ed her pizza loving her back!!! double wow!! i wanna eat that pizza toooo!!!

secretly planning backpacking trip to Rome alr. even though I have never traveled out before. I should and I must, so I will. weeeee

side note, just came back from SoC precamp, beginning to love the FOC com :) :) and Im damn happy to have spoken to my sole dear lovely eyecandy :):):):):)

yay and badminton competition and beerfest this week.

Indicator zzz

Had a dream last night, which I seriously think indicates I am getting over the top.

Dream first:

My good friend brutally snipping off my hair which I din noe was so long in my dream. Out of jealousy I guess. Then I got even by pulling hers out. Pretty much a bloody and stupid dream.

Now how this seem to be an indicator to me.

I mean recently I have received positive comments on how I look, and you know, increased attention because of it, yes ego boost ttm. But I shouldn't let it get to me, as in, I should maintain that looking pretty is second to alot of things. What I need most now is not just to look pretty. It's good feeling to be commended, especially by a hot guy, but ZWY u must remain calm!!! See in the dream, it's blatant that I imagined myself to be pretty enough to garner jealousy. That is soooo over the top.

So point of the post is that:

I must remain calm and sane and not go down the over-boosted ego route and end up feeling stupid about in the future.

ohm....

Ranting

I have not ranted for so long, life has been great for just that weeny short period of time.

Actually if I were to ponder over what I want to rant about, they aren't really all that rant-worthy. I mean it's all about where you set the pass/fail line, sometimes I set it higher, so that I can be more tolerating and uncalculating, sometimes the line just drop low enough for a tiny ant to make me blow my top. Today, it's pretty much low, and my mom is the trigger.

I am 100% positive that my Mom is undergoing menopause. What else explains the quarrel over something that didn't even happen?! Just a passing remark saying that if my clothes hanging outside gets stolen, I should not be blamed because where else you want me to hang the clothes? and it's the thief who should be blamed what, rite? and there she goes....spewing her big ideals about how perfect I would be if I would just drop that bad habit of doing wrong things. I mean, WTF? doing wrong things is a bad habit??? I habitually do wrong things??? and if I change my ways, i will be perfect???

why must I be perfect??? I simply can't be perfect.. I am a flawful person and so are you! what's wrong with having loads of pimples? what's wrong not appearing on a school video that I happen to be watching? things are just the way they are!!!! stop asking me explain to you how and where I find all my songs and torrents and how come I have facebook and you don't.... it's essentially because you don't use the internet! and don't ask me to teach you internet because I already did!! you just need to read and click on the links, and it's just that fucking simple!

there and then my dad will chime in, telling me how a filial daughter should be. I should be obediently and quietly listening to them, with a dumb smile on my face just so to keep them happy. hello!!!! i'm sure that's not what being filial means. not in my book anyway. seriously I don't see why you can freaking tolerate my fucking shit piece cousin but still be able to find things to pick on me. by comparison I'm like bloody perfect against that piece of godforsaken poo pile. and yet, u can even start a quarrel with me regarding "WHAT IF my clothes get stolen!"

yea yea, i will be understanding. I will keep all I have to say here and if you happen to read it, which is near impossible, because even if I leave it on in your face you won't bother reading it but will just demand that I explain it to you. I snorts.

oh well, retail therapy tomorrow.

hahahha third post

digimon is just bland...I watch for the evolution only. zzzz

abit hard to find anime that is up for my tastes nowadays. really...some are just bland and normal and inferior larrrr...

in which case, I think digimon is pretty well done considering the target audience is 10 years younger than me now lol, zomg freaking old, I should watch some adult films befitting my age.

anyhow, now i watch for different things in anime compared to before. like how the plot unfolds, how they 伏笔 and make connection later. see, that is some standard lol.

Oh most mention worthy, lol, Brandon just keep saying im "beautiful", i laugh madly and uncontrollably. Yay good job keep it up!! wahahaha

slightly amused at their affair at supperclub according to jess. actually very amused. but then, find it abit sad for w. oh well, which is why i rather keep myself away from such things, easier to stand on the sidelines n watch. awkward much i imagine for them. look forward to updates, JESSLAI! ehehehe

LONG overdue post

While watching digimon, I shall recount the recent happenings.

first things first, results. It is utmost frustrating how I have no A, I expected at least 3 of them. Shen me da bian. But I successfully got rid of 1231, that calls for a party, weee. Anyhow, I shudder at the prospect of another stressful school sem upcoming.

Camp Blue Blood last week. It was nice. To get the full KR experience, I should at least go for CBB once, even though not as a freshie. I am no longer a camp person I realized, I no longer enjoy the dayless nightless activities and merry-making as much as I used too, getting old... but making more friends is still fullfilling as ever. Upcoming camps are much much procrastinated, totally no mood to go for camps, yucks. Faculty camp suck my balls u idiot asshole....zzzz...rant rant rant...

Now I am a senior, I look back at my freshmen year, it came n went so freaking fast. I have done somethings I have always wanted to do, and I have done some stupid enough things that cost me greatly. But this is how life is supposed to be right, make hell lot of mistakes haha, and do stupid things while I can afford to rite. Even though sometimes i regret doing the stupid stuff, but aiyo whats done can't be undone. Just prevent it from happening again in the future. zbzbzbzbz

right after camp, I had 2 days of flea, quite an interesting experience imo. first day was at kbox@cine, freaking 8 storeys up in the air, where got people organize flea in such a place one?? No foresight entirely. so first day is 0 sales, zbzbzbz. BUt there was free kbox, so we just spammed. As much as someone laughs at my singing, I still think tt my singing not bad lor. There was this other tenant her singing is out of this world la, omg, like heart-attack + asthma altogether, should totally have recorded her 当你。。。just jing dian. lol. Then when this 2 person were singing 为你了而活, lol Stepf just "我不要为了你而活". at least my voice is pleasant.

Thereafter second day we got a free space at Scape Youth Park as compensation for the 0 sales on first day, I actually sold quite alot of my old clothes, happy. There was this Auntie who piss the shit out of me, just sai 2 dollars into my hand and took my shirt away, when I insisted 5 dollars. New tactic learnt, bruteforce.

thn, i was sick for 5 days. urrrgh. being siiiick is sian, when there's nbd to take care of you. nobd to cook for me, nobd to take my temperature, it's just me and my lappy in my sick bedroom nursing my burning forehead. wow, it's not that sad actually, but it would have been nice if I had someone bustling around me taking my temperature, feeding me medicine yadda yadda. ohwells.

anw, gg rollerblading tmr!!!! eggCITED!

mua

took one whole day to iron my 'sell pile', wa ironing is a bitch! my right shoulder is minorly dislocated. and my iron is a killer weapon seriously, keep getting scorched, @#$#@%$#@!!@#

anyhow, after ironing my clothes, they suddenly seem more want-worthy, probably up the price by 50 cents for my ironing efforts. I won't even price them high because seriously I don't wear them anymore, I might as well be paying people to help me get rid of them, my main intention is to get rid of them. buhbye suckers!!! weee

seriously looking at all the stuff I've bought over the years, it's pretty much a shame. as much of a utilitarian, I am shocked to have so many things that I have never worn. I couldn't understand why I bought them. I hope my potential good-hearted customers have eyes of jewel and see the beauty in my stuff.

yay going swimming, hope the pool is not crowded and i don't sink

omg i am torn i am torn.....shud i go sch tmr??

it's duty against wishes....

nvm, i shall reply after i wake up tmr.

i feel like lazing away tmr, but games is wat i signed up forrrr, and i shud do my job properly.

yucks....

omg i think i need man's pants to contain my fat ass butt..........fml

ew my bank account balance is very depressing :(

i wanna high paying job for god sake.

tuition is good money but its no biggie if its 1 hr per week at 25ph.

"因为有太多无聊的人用吃奶的力气互相攻击，我就纳闷了，这些人为什么没被气球给砸死，没被唾沫给淹死，被皮卡丘吓死。明明没必要存在在这个世界上，非要写点儿歌来污染大气。"

超级搞笑ttm!!!!

hahaha i got my phone back.

There really are good samaritans around.

Altho the man seemed reluctant and pissed off, THANK U SO MUCH LADY!

I'm sorry i put u through two days of struggle and I applaud your kindness in deciding to do the right thing.

I am gonna strap my phone to the bottomless pit of my being so that it will never drop out of my pocket ever again!

feels great :)

and all phones should get EMOJI! its damn freaking cute.

i amaze at my stupidity.

i amaze at how the day could start out so well, and take a sharp turn into screwality just like that.

what happened?

I lost my phone. :)

The course of losing it is simple. it slipped out of my pocket. Stupid phone.

oh well, I have beaten myself up a hundred million times already, I could really use some consoling. :)

Then I shall rant. Me hate Singtel to eternity and beyond. Singtel has no compassion and have no interest in their customer. I hereby condemn singtel's services and all peripheral whatever shit they have. You really think a simple "i'm sorry to hear that mdm" could solve my problem? No, it doesn't, and the constant upping the price I have to pay is even hair-grippingly irritating. Hello! 600 bucks??!! 300 of which is tips for yall! you think I have no idea. SUCK MY TOILET BOWL U MONEY SUCKING IDIOTS! you have just chased away a valuable customer. and i'm never gonna look back.

oh wells, still I am the ultimate sucker.

why do I keep doing stupid things????

If I were to recount the lame things I have done, I could take one million years.

Seriously, nobody did it TO me, i brought it UPON myself each time!

The horror...

when it dawned on me, I felt sooooo bloody horrible, I felt like biting myself.

what's bloody wrong with me????

on the other hand, I don't want to beat myself up too much. It's really not the end of the world. Losing a phone is really painful (losing an iPhone is even more so), it's like losing an organ. I shall for now enjoy my 24 hours of phoneless solitude, till tmr when I reconnect with the world using my laocock phone.

seriously, I cannot settle for a non-iPhone phone, I really can't. iPhone has soooo made my life better, I simply can't do without it.

oh wells, goodbye my old phone. I've used u for less than a year. and it's been pretty hectic with you around. yet I can't live without you. I'm gonna get a different you from a different provider soon even though your more advanced brother are coming out soon.

how much would like suck without a phone?

lemme get back to u. :)

GOOD MORNING

while i was brushing my teeth, two things crossed my mind.

1) My pain-in-the-butt cousin will soon be GONE!

2)My new found understanding to the act of ''acting cute"

ahh, i can't begin to tell how much it means to me to be rid of the worm I call my cousin. It's been a good 3 years I had to put up with a big fat walking stranger with a freaking bad attitude and horrible brought-up. And now he's about to be gone, I actually feel a mixed tug of feelings. Honestly, he has been pretty nice to me some times,to the extend that made me consider patching things up with him. but it always falls short and I can never forgive him entirely. It just made me think back maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh on him then, and maybe our relationship could be better. And then, I look at how he treats my parents, that teeny bit of likening flies straight out of the window. Seriously if you want me to hate you for the rest of your life, just be mean to my parents. Oh wells, soon, very soon, HE WILL BE GONE!! smilie face x 1000000000000000000000000000000!!!!

secondly, my new found understanding of the act of 'acting cute'. Lately I have observed this act is actually a formidable weapon, even my Dad uses it sometimes, ha. Even though I used to despise such acts, I now see it differently. My theory "Acting cute is excusable when you did come across as cute, it is unforgivable when you fail." (wow, my worm of a cousin is talking loudly in his room, see this kind of small things gets on my nerves, and make me an evil old woman)

as such, good morning. and pasir ris later, major sun blast and sweat buckets I foresee. shudder shudder

hahaha omg i can't believe what i just bought......:):):):)

i am laughing my ass off, and damn happy that i bought it.

hahahahahahhahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lemme tell you what 'jealousy' is.

From wiki : Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.

wow, in that case, mine is more of envy...but if my envy grows stronger, it will sooner or later become that whole bunch of negative feelings above mentioned.

right now, i envy this person who has smth that I want, but I can't have. :(

and it feels pretty awful to be enviousing aimlessly. there's pretty much nth i can do about it.

sad face x10000000000000000000000000000000000

KMA comclub

I DIE OSO WONT GO FOR YOUR DUMB MEETING! KICK ME OUT NOW!

First dance class today! (omg, my fingers are numb from playing guitar, swollen finger tips)

it was really FUN! omg. I was quite glad that I could keep up with the pace, and was pretty comfortable infront of the mirror. Not to forget the wonderful company BANANA CHOCOLATE FONDUE hahaha.

really, it's no wonder good dancers emit charm like nobody's business, because in dance, people really only look at GOOD dancers, nobody will bother to look at the lousy ones, so there is really no lose face factor, because nobody will bother, everyone is busy looking at the zai ones. anw my point is, in dance, you can only be good, if not there's no point dancing unless you dance for urself to see only. But anyway, so far so good, going again on TUES! muahaha, excited.

thereafter we went to DEMPSEY FLEA MARKET, woosh, it was fun! I din buy much tho, but the anticipation to find good and cheap stuff is enough to keep us going. lol, I walked to this table, and picked up this GUCCI bag, (which I din noe is gucci bcoz im brand unconscious) so I asked how much is it gg for, and the lady gave me 3 fingers, i went " :o 3 dollars???!!!" and she went "no 300". wow. thn she went on to tell me how unique and good that bag is and how worth it the price is, blah blah. oh well, my current flea-principle is "nth above 10". altho, it should be "cheap and good" but for all i know, that 300 bucks Gucci bag may be 'cheap and good" too, yet I can't afford it, so principles change to adapt to my financial ability. Anyhow, still love good fleas, and I'm looking forward to selling my old clothes, my little square of a room is running out of space, so much so that I'm overflowing to other rooms.

ahh. life is good these days. :)

Aircon, and freedom :):):)

I AM FINALLY HOME!

After waiting my ass off, Danny finally showed up and helped me move my stuff home.

I am 100 million grateful!

thx thx thx.

zomg, really considering learning how to drive. even if no car, in such circumstances can still borrow people's car.

thn again, not practical.

learn dance and guitar first.

wow, one million things to learn.

ZHOU WAN YI: u must control yourself, I hereby warn you!

nobody is unworthy :)

ip man

can't get enough of ip man kicking ass. Just watched Ip Man 1, I feel inspired to learn 永春..

China's tumultuous history is deeply rooted in all our hearts (I hope), even though we had been bullied and suppressed and invaded so much, we are now on the rise again, and this time round, everyone watches in fear.

As a Chinese, the least I can do is to know who I am, and not be mislead by meaningless social stigmas and shallow stereotypes. All I can say is that those who don't recognize and treasure their heritage will one day be regretful. Those who turn with distaste at 5000 years of richness are just stupid inside-out. And those who take pride in the fact they can't even speak Chinese should be beheaded and publicly humiliated.

In this day and age, one can't reject a language or culture just because they killed and humiliated countless fellow countrymen decades ago. I have learnt both English and Japanese, and both the Anglos and Japanese have learnt Chinese. Despite the occasional internal tug, appreciating another's culture and communicating using their language has nothing to do with the grudge and hatred, which inevitably, still exist.

shameless much weeee, i might delete this post someday

caught ip man 2, I like the fighting alot, totally regret why am I not a guy, and why didn't I learn kungfu, it would be so cool if I could smugly beat the crap out of you when I don't like you.

haha, my fren made out with a guy and she likes it ahahaha (winks at you). Yay.

Honestly, I also want. ><

And I want big arms, with sexy vein, and big chest muscles, no moobs and no tummy pls.

And a little bit of chest hair.

zomg...whoever reads this, don't judge me, it's biologically inscribed in me, you can contribute by helping me find.

and he must not be shorter or smaller than me.

woot.

I have started planning my holidays already, with one impending paper still 4 days away.

anw, just a simple list:

1) things to buy

• guitar (black colour)
• roller blades
• a cool haircut
• a tattoo(?)
• macbook?
• new mobile plan

2) things to sign up for/learn

• studiowu
• culinary class
• guitar
• photoshop and illustrator
• relaxing part-time job
• give chinese tuition/give tuition ?

3) other misc. stuff

• go kbox
• Thaipan outing
• go HOME!
• JAY CHOU CONCERT
• ROLLERBLADE
• WINDSURF
• DRAW

and so the list remains incomplete and awaits to be updated

omg I JUST REALIZED:

I HAVE LONG HAIR!!!!

WO....

CompClub MC

omg, just saw this email from the compclub president, seems like there's work to do during the hols. Me gravitate towards just ignoring it and run away since I've already gotten the mc points to allow my hall stay nxt sem. LOL major must thank them for the 10 points even though I nv did anything remotely related to them. I have never liked to be student leaders, especially this kind of com members, not just bury yourself in mounts and mounts of junk and shit jobs, you work your ass off for ungrateful people like me. hahaha. Im not ashamed, I just refuse to do their stupid work and attend their stupid meetings, the most they can do is kick me out of the com, which I seriously don't mind, I even want it. So alios, suckers :):)

the only thing I will feel bad about is Michael is the marketing director, I'm supposed to assist him, oh well, if he asks me of anything then I will poke two knives in my ribs for him, but if he doesn't I will just enjoy my well awaited holidays :):)

Not that I'm that repulsive of comm works, but I feel that it really depends on the people who are there, they should have some standards, even the president is shit lousy, what to expect??? and with people like me inside, woohoo, compclub is no club.

ALAN 阿兰达瓦卓玛

I AM GONNA SPAM HER VIDEOS.

PS: IRON MAN IS FUCKING AWESOME!

have been sleeping on and off this morn.

feels really tired. ugh

last night in my dreams, there were two odd things, and I still remember them.

1. My secondary school best friend SM did very sweet things like visiting me in hall, making huge board cards and notes and more notes and pasting them on my door.

2. 3 black crows were outside my window, and came into my room, and shat the whole place.

I am honestly bothered about the second one, coz I went to google, and people say it's never good to see crows, in real life, even so in dreams. It means people you know will die. Or you will hear of stories of people dying. But then I saw this one other post, that says one black crow means bad luck, but three means health!

Its all superstitions I know, but the image of the 3 black crows gawking and rustling outside my window really stays on my nerves and bothers me.

escapism ttm, wad a well-deserved break from it all, i felt like if i dont leave my body and soul will extinguish.

caught Date Night, it is an immensely surprising movie which I would like to make my parents watch, reignite the passion. Beneath it's seemingly mild pretense, it's a verbally-hilariously-vulgar show. There are lines like "Penis blood, there's gonna be alot of penis blood!" and "Shut your vagina!" and stuff like that. Noormally, I'd find the later line damn crude, but this one is just plain funny. HAveta find it on the net.

Fuck laundry, i want to sleep zzzzzzz

i look at some people's msn nick and i shudder in disgust.

feeling bitchy and irritated now.

Been staring at econs for the whole day. Somehow i just can't make myself study. the song 我的月光 by alan keep replaying in my head, and when i turn it on and sing along, it doesnt feel as nice as it was when it was in my head. Somehow, just somehow, I can't make myself do things that I have to do. watched a couple of movies in the afternoon, took a nap. Was all alone the whole day so much so that when I see people, I'm slow in reflexes thoughts and reaction. Abit of conversation during dinner cheered me up, I am sort of a people kind of person, can't handle aloneity without getting depressive. but sometimes, i am the other way round. and being in the same place for so long, is numbing to the point i don't even feel like cursing the situation. yet, cant find the reason to leave this place, because I know i have to be here. wow. actually i can just put on my jacket and go out for a walk. thing is, my econs is only halfway revised and is the paper... need to go out....need to see someone not from school....

2 down 3 to go

wew, 2 down n 3 more to go.

it is super mind boggling to do cs1101 paper, i feel like i have no brain left after it, gladly i finished the paper and im way confident.

nm2101 was slip shot, anyhow write, i can't find the essay way of writing back, more like talking on paper, you know, and anyhow come up with some terms to fill in those i cant remember, wow, stupid stubborn old idiots, lmao.

anyone want my notes?

haiz.

one thing i like more about home than hall is that, I can prance around butt naked and nobody gives a damn. Aspiring naturalist at home.

but, i get over relaxed and I don't study. sux.

I officially hate new media...omg...i want to live in a cave.

I come from a family of simple happiness. My mom, a simple hardworking woman, whose joy and happiness stems from the welfare of me and my Dad; my Dad, a simple hardworking man, whose joy and happiness swells from watching me grow, and watching my mom grow (laterally). My home, my family is a place of comfort and a source of pure joy.

Schadenfreude

scha·den·freu·de   [shahd-n-froi-duh]
–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

hahaha

LOVE LOVE LOVE

AKB48

Typical jpop I used to like back in secondary school. Till now, I'm still affectionately attached to such teenage idol groups from Japan. Anyway this is a song of self-motivation, using River to represent hardships and obstacles, of which one must believe that she can overcome regardless of how fast,how dark and how deep the river is. Hehe, thinking of taking Jap module next sem. :) and maybe go SEP in Japan??

Major dun like farewells

attended hall command just now. ended up crying like a kid.
I really cannot withstand such tears-beckoning activities, especially when I see people whom I usually think won't cry, cry, the tears bank just explode. Don't even dare to look at photos I took just now, must be fucking ugly. I took photos with certain seniors that I had a chance to know, and it's really very little, can count with 5 fingers. its always at times like this that I regret not going out to know more people and to know them better, and always at times of depart do I start to regret the time that I did not spend with those people who could potentially be rewarding life companions. Reminds me of my jc class, secondary sch class, even though we weren't all that bonded, the thought of departure just breaks me.
anyhow, to all the commanding seniors, you all are wonderfully inspiring and life would be different without u all, and all the best for yall future endeavors!

haaa

that (above:title) is supposed to be a sigh of pleasure and serenity. those that u emit after sipping fragrantful japanese tea, while sitting on a comfy tatami, overlooking the fallen flowers in your plantationally backyard.

supposed to be studying yo, which i put on hold while i started to sidetrack ..wow..2 hours ago. MUST STOP NOW.

Anyhow came across this person's profile on facebook http://www.facebook.com/ainara.gothburguese, her dp is oddly funny. and her website link brought me to this spanish site on death/goth/metal/punk/rock, all that stuff. Just by scrolling down looking at the cd covers gimme the cringe. its interesting to know that this sort of things exist, and one can't deny them just because one can't accept them. for all you know, this is their way to vent their frustrations, through so to remain sane.

ok, back to webcast. rarara

It's the time again

time to start muggin like there's no day and night, and there's no other thing I would love better to do. books and notes and webcasts, you and I are gonna fuse as one (quote stepf).

happily, my chest pain is miraculously gone, maybe coz of the vball session just now. Went down to play vball with Nus recrea vball people, last session of the sem already, it was quite good and the people were very nice. Was pleasantly surprised that Jiarong from hall was also there. haha he had alot to teach me. seriously think he is a very nice person, too bad he's leaving and today is the last time I will see him. fml...this is called no fate, good thing there's always facebook.

in my house, in my room, on my bed now. feeling zenned and peaceful, and happy.
Just wanna note that, the walk back to hall was pleasant even tho short.


loving this song

FUCKING CHEST PAIN GO AWAY!!!!!

AS max

at some points in time, I just like to pretend there's nobody around at all. I don't like to socialize for the sake of not appearing lonerish, I don't like to pop into conversations and start bragging about what's up with me (I don't like people who do that either). When such things/people happen, I choose to just walk away, then comes the difficult part, sometimes, I can't just walk away. You feel bad. For "pangseh-ing". But at the same time, I feel bad for wasting my time in situations I wish not to be in.
Sometimes these thoughts exemplify and I suddenly feel like an antisocial egg, I just want to roll into a comfortable corner. At times. Like now.

Anyhow, Dance Uncensored was awesome, sat in near-front-row seats, I could see the dancers' faces clearly, really expressive faces, it's really quite amazing.

Was watching this movie awhile ago, Lean on Me, played by Morgan Freeman as Principal Joe Clark. Another one of those inspiring education movies, where the one true stubborn educator boils through the system meltdown governed by corrupted self-proclaimed saints always saying "it's for YOUR own good.." yadda yadda. I feel that it's important to have someone you want to emulate, someone who could guide you through life by example.

Guiltless

I studied, so I'm guiltless.
And I scored full marks for quiz 2 cl2281. No it's not easy, and yes I am dam happy.
Just learnt that there's this guy Vernon from hall who studies double degree LAW AND LIFE SCIENCE....makes me feel sooooo small and incapable, and he is super involved in hall activities and doing well for both sides, godlike, major idolize him. If he can do it, I'm sure I can too, more so that I have only single degree, more so I must do my single degree well. ONWARD 5 A'ssssssssss!!!! I must grasp u's in my fingers and squeeze the juice out of u's, and taste the victory drop by drop.

Anyhow was reading the book called Games People Play. It provided explanations to many questions I previously had, and I find that everytime I start thinking about pointless things, averting to the theories from the book help to make it all seem simpler and less screwed up, and somehow I derive joy from it. I long for the day that I could trust myself to make the right decisions and not needing to be in control of myself all the time.

Very inspired to become a better person.
Very happy to have been me.

I don't know, I don't care.
:)))) like like

today is an unbelievable day.
first i spilled my guts out over some long over due issue that bugs me to no end, and there I thought finally its out of the system.
I slept only 2 hours, and now I am still awake.
I sat for a test which I briefly prepared for yesterday, and was amazed I could do translation pretty well.
Went for a totally random waterpolo game, and affirmed the fact that I do not like waterpolo at all, despite the sweltering hot bodies.
Faced my most imminent fear for the past many months, and found that actually it's not scary at all, and even though I don't know what I am feeling now, I know all has come to an end, and mama I must move on. To be or not to be, is not up to me to decide.

Whatever to whatever, I can only channel all energy to my work. Brain, please don't fail me and wander off to far away corners where I can't find you again. Less thoughts please.

major exhaustion.
and I give up, dump it all aside, I want to swing my hands as I walk.

grumbles....
I wish to take out my brain and ground it into a pulp and pour it into the mixer and further beat it into foam. Why am I thinking about useless things again?? so bloody irritating. thought i had gotten rid of it for good, its messing up my system AGAIN. Hate my bloody mind. GO TO HELL U I.D.I.O.T!!!!!

or maybe it's just my time of the month or the fact that today is a tuesday, the most hated day of the week.

Seriously, I can only foresee life to get harder and harder, and my patience getting thinner and thinner.

anyway, B&J free cone day today, as tradition I'd always go with ShiQi, haha, it's amazing that we have been friends for almost 10 years, and I've only got to realize how self-centred I seem to her, which I totally am not please, she just refuse to let me change out of that box she constructed of me in her mind. oh wells, its still an achievement to have a long 10 years friendship. cheers, and pray hard it goes on. at least till the day I make lots of money enough for her to leech on me, ahahahah.

blearhhhhh, so damn tired........:(:( and tutorials to do, suck big time.
and the permanent blood streak on my eye ball is bothering me.
I should stop thinking altogether. and be just a simple plankton creature that survives on garbage.

seriously, why bother????
frustrated!!!! why frustrated?? no idea!!!
I hate to be alone with my thoughts.

I wish to run my head into a vending machine, and trade my brain for a can of pokka green tea.

谷村新司(Tanimura Shinji). I highly think that he sung the theme song for the Jap version anime of 三国演义. And yes, I am correct. Suddenly love all his songs. Has this feel of 沧桑, that I am intoxicated with. I feel 沧桑, its a poetic sadly beautiful image, of which I can't be 沧桑, yet because you can acquire that aura only after you have went through alot of things. 沧桑 came from 沧海桑田, which literally means "the sea has become the land", how much change would that be? If I'd gone through "sea-land" exchange, probably I'd get the 沧桑 feel.



Tanimura Shinji, new playlist favourite.

My grandparents are leaving in about an hour

:(((((

damn sad. But I shan't show it, lest I see my grandparents cry.

Just about a few days ago, I was riding a bus back to hall, suddenly I was seized with fear that after this departure, I might never see my grandfather again. TOUCHWOOD ttm!!! But it is a real fear, and I pray hard that it won't happen and next year, I MUST GO BACK! Spending time with my grandfather is getting increasingly more and more important, because time is running out.

Something cheered me up tho, I was able to strike up a conversation with my secondary school crush, haha.

Haha, see wahjong in the background.

Counting down: 2 hours.

Somebody talk to me, I am drowning in sadness.

"We are like dwarfs sitting on the shoulders of giants. We see more, and things that are more distant, than they did, not because our sight is superior or because we are taller than they, but because they raise us up, and by their great stature add to ours."

yeT another bloody mouthed picture

Random sex-related post

There's always something mysteriously arousing about blood on lips (2.04).

Blood itself is highly excitable. I always feel a queer tingle when I see blood. It's color, viscosity and smell tease the senses. Somehow touching blood to the lips highlights the redness, and accentuates the whole impact. Possibly the notion that, it is through the mouth that blood enters, and tainting the gates somehow makes it devilishly beautiful.

Or maybe it's just that "Blood red" lips are the embodiment of Sex, and poking the lips to let out the blood accentuates the Sexiness. I can't begin to describe or analyse how the two images can combine to give such powerful sensations, the futility frustrates me.

In which case, I shall just post more bloody lips to make my point.

Focus on the lips. But LOL at the picture. If an essay's to be written based on this picture, what shall the title be?? (eg. Snow White's Guide to Seducing Birds)

This is just funny. Should dare Gerald to do this for block command. :)

What did I say about sex? Blatantly. Blood in the mouth + irrelevant clothing = sex

And to top it off! AAHAHAHAHHA

Koi Bubble Tea is overrated leh

Yup, it is overrated, yakun milk tea is way better.

So, today's the last Personal Growth Group session, felt that I have brought back a luggage full of valuable lessons. And the last part where everyone said their comments/feedback/something to me, I was actually truely touched.

Mr Low: learn to experiment, stop thinking so much, just do it.

Rachel: Don't rush into maturity, it comes when it comes, meanwhile treasure the child and innocence in you which is as precious as it can be.

Pei Yin: ...

Jin Sheng: There's something about self-limiting that troubles both of us, we have the potential to be who we want to be, so let's just drop the self-limiting factor and go all out and experiment with things.

Meng Jie: something about our 淡淡的忧郁

Gao Shuai: (shit I can't rmb)

YoYo: (can't rmb)

Truong: try to grab hold of one thing(out of many that I want) at a time (so I infer, exact words quite forgotten)

Ivy(or so I rmb, which I doubt, till I rmb): you are a fun person, people would want to hang out with you, just show them who you are.

Anyhow, despite my lousy memory (I was trying to rmb everything everyone said, because, it is important to me), the feeling was indescribable. It's not joy, not sadness, not zen neither. But I did feel touched at the point in time, and I felt accepted despite all the problems I had. Also when giving comments myself, I felt my heart grew bigger.

Who doesn't have problems? We can either accept our problems or deal with them, or both for that matter. It's really no use conforming to what's normal. What's wrong with being weird? Everybody is different, and that's what's beautiful about it.

Out of the 24 human strengths, I identified 12 of them in me. And I identified 3 more which I will work on especially : Spirituality, vitality and persistence.

And I should learn to take risks, take more risks, while I can.

All in all, I am so glad that I joined the group, it is one of the best choices I have made (though I have made many good choices).

Oh well, feeling at peace with all.

Multi-multi-tasking

I am starting to behave like a computer, in which case, I will ace cs1101, because this course is supposed to make us think like computers, I am in fact more advanced than that because I am behaving like a computer, soon I will be square.

Extreme multi-tasking:

Writing notes for command seniors;

Burning music for grandfather;

Doing tutorial;

Reading lecture notes;

Copying tutorials;

Listening to 美しきもの;

and of course blogging.

inner peace is attained, I am floating through life like I should and I am more focused than ever. I no longer envy people's seemingly fun lives, because I don't care about them anyway now.

and william will just hang me upside down on a tree next week coz I havnt started doing anything related to Games yet. Lol and they have started recruiting OGLs, and I know shit about the other com members' names. ra ra ra ra ra. feel like QUITING games. yucks.

ok bye

Melio and Eugene

M.

look at my hand, this is and honest hand.

It bares the work of a lifetime, it's beautiful isn't it?

Hands can't lie, they always tell the tale of one's path to the present;

if the hand is too smooth, it has been another's back that has dealt with the earth.

And if the hand is too coarse, it is only the earth that it understands.

http://www.tombendtsen.com/4lives/files/page8-1001-full.html

Not trying to be deep. But it brings to mind the images of my father's hands and mine.

And the curious intricacies when our hands connect. One smooth one course, one blooming one yielding, one fresh one rich. My father, the man who brought me to life, the man to educated me, the man who loved me unconditionally. I am so thankful, that I have my father.

One piece 1101

i always thought it was very Nice indeed of One piece to not kill anybody at all. All villains so far survived and continue to be spotted in ongoing story.

what I complain is that why break the blissful living tradition?

why kill characters?

that were so WELL LIKED ALIVE!

and they didn't even appear much!

its like their appearance is to die.

and why must there be 2???

one is bad enough! 2?!

and I dun mind White Beard dying initially, coz he wasn't really hard crafted, just that I knew he was very powerful. Now that I saw his fight, he just totally shouldn't die.

But Ace! Why kill him after painfully creating him?? And he havn't even appeared up to the amount equal to his bloody importance.

Maybe it's the "Death of an important someone" triggering more events to come.

But it's sooooo tragic!

It makes me SO SAD. the thought of the picture whr Ace died, with a smile somemore, is just unbearably painful.

then again, it makes One Piece so real, that it stabs my heart with the death of 2 characters so well crafted.

aha, just received a msg from NUS dharma circle. "do you wish to become a monk/nun but didn't because you think that you're not ready yet?"

AMUSED

It is easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

hmm, this probably ties in with the "third person effect". Anything outside urself is either simplified or accentuated. I guess in this case, it's simplified.

Anyway, I still think I am interesting. Except that I should make myself MORE interesting. Shall camp at a bookstore one day. Me like the idea. Sipping a cup of hot chocolate, with a good book in hand, on a bright sunny day, on a windy rooftop, with Taemin dancing in the background. aha, bliss.

蝉の時雨

中譯：「美麗的萬物」
你最喜歡的
這段旋律(Melody)...
在天空之中
回響著口風琴(Harmonica)的樂聲...
*天使擁抱著
窗沿為框的畵布(Draw)...
看啊...這幅風景畫(Paysage)...
很美麗吧?
其中是(C'est)——
清風傳播...
淡淡花香...
春之追憶...
美麗的聲音...
詠唱的少女(Monica)...
鳥兒的鳴叫...
指針的前進 →
其中是(C'est)——
藍天無垠...
流雲飄蕩...
夏之追憶...
美麗的聲音...
詠唱的少女(Monica)...
蟬之時雨...
指針的前進 →
如此美麗...
你所告訴我的景色...
一直都難以忘卻...
『美麗的萬物』...
聚集於此爲了...
生命降臨的到來...
你所擁抱的
短暫的季節(Season)...
痛苦如同落雨的
承重的打擊著...
「不用擔心喲」...
笑著説道的...
你的容貌(Visage)
難以忘記... ...
其中是(C'est)——
夜晚的窗邊...
微笑著月亮...
秋之追憶...
美麗的聲音...
唱歌的少女(Monica)...
昆蟲的展翅...
指針的前進 →
其中是(C'est)——
大地無垠...
白雪微眠...
冬之追憶
美麗的聲音...
歌唱的少女(Monica)...
時間的凋謝...
指針的前進 →
真美呢...
你所存在於美景之中...
永遠忘卻不了...
『美麗的萬物』...
集合於此爲了...
生命來臨的匆匆......
你所馳騁的
短暫的季節(Season)...
病痛的焰火
灼燒著身體...
「啊啊...真是美麗」...
笑著逝去...
你的面容(Image)
無法忘卻......
你誕生於那天早晨...
原本是個愛哭鬼的我...
也變成了小姐姐——
玩耍著...
雖然那麽小...
但我感到很自豪......
痛苦搖曳於
生命的荒野上
『美麗的萬物』探尋著的
縱橫馳騁
其實在那地平綫
旅途之中的你
爲何睡着了
美好的令人想起了......
你所喜歡的
這段旋律(Melody)...
在天空之中
回響著口風琴(Harmonica)的聲音...
Repeat*
「我看到世界上最美麗的光
並且將這花抱在胸前
爲了Laurant的自己 繼續歌唱」
「那裏有Roman在嗎?」

this is about the most listened song on my playlist. it calms me down, and like the title says, Beautiful Things. I am surrounded by so many beautiful things, why do I still want more? What stems the in-satisfaction in me?

I had known all along that I am no longer the person I was. Am I more or less than before? I do not wish to go on thinking. The gapping hole is unbearable. What can I do to fill this hell of a gap up? I do not want to be that another girl with a vacuum in the heart. No I'm not suicidal.

Why has life become so difficult? Why had I become so whiny? Why am I not happy with what I have?

Will I come back?

Will I be who I want to be?

Will I stop doubting?

Everyone has problems, and I'm glad someone pays attention to mine, which bugs me even though it doesn't seem like a problem to them.

It's hard to be the person I want to be. Hard to really don't care about what people think, especially those that I care about, I am afraid they'd think me lousy. But why do I have such thoughts? Why do I think myself lousy? Am I lousy? What makes me lousy?

Volley captaincy, not something I'm dying to do, I just see no harm in taking it up, but I already fathom the stress and feels the weakness in my knees. Am I not suitable for bigger things? Am I fated for menial, normality? Such questions fill me up and fill me up somemore, should my head be rigid, it would have exploded. Is it not good to think? It is good to not think?

Almost one year into uni, I am still learning to adapt. I thought I was good at adapting, there we go, I thought, seems like everything's been in my mind, was I ever outside? If I shan't think about what I am, that leaves me no limits, and somehow that's better? Well, if trying to define myself is so hard, then I should give it up totally. Things are much simpler when I only need to think LIKE/NO LIKE. I shan't be bothered with what others have that I don't and that I have and others don't, not much space left in my head to do that I guess.

And it was a pleasant surprise that Russell, my long ago Jap class classmate was a graduate from SoC also. I was very Surprised!! Other than surprised, there's pretty much nothing else to tell her though. And it's a pretty wierd feeling to leave the conversation hanging at "I am so surprised". But I really am so surprised. Just that it really do end here. Full Stop.